Next to me

[eblossman]

First time posting on here but would appreciate any feedback on these lyrics.
Thanks in advance...

Next to me

Verse 1
She was Broken down on the 405
Red lights flashing in the midnight sky
I hit the brakes and pulled behind
Popped the hood and looked inside
When I first saw her I knew it was meant to be
Had no idea she’d be the one who’s saving me

Chorus
I believe God sends his angels
In our greatest time of need
And I believe God sends his angels
Cuz she’s right here next to me

Verse 2
They don't build 'em like they used to
Lord knows I’m thankful that it’s true
Just when I thought I was falling apart
I started her car and she jump started my heart
Cuz at that moment I knew it had to be
Had no idea she’d be the one who’s saving me

Chorus 2
I believe God sends his angels
In our greatest time of need
And I believe God sends his angels
Cuz she’s right here next to me

Bridge
So many miles of uneven roads
Too many stories that can’t be told
Way too many wrongs before a right
She changed it all on that summer night

Chorus Out

[LamarPecorino]

I like it! What were your plans for the lyric? If Film/TV, then the 405 reference may get in the way. Have you set it to music yet?

[eblossman]

Hi Lamar,
You zeroed in on exactly what my main concern was. I didn't write this exclusive for TV but I was going to submit it nonetheless. I have it set to music and like the way "405" sounds and the imagery it brings. I have been contemplating changing that line to something more generic but then I lose the other opportunities. Tough call here.
Thanks for the feedback!
Eric

[LamarPecorino]

Hi Eric:

Who knows it might fly even with the 405 reference. I'd love to hear it.

[Casey H]

Eric
If you want to target Film/TV, most of this song is too specific. Not just the "405" reference but the whole storyline being about you meeting her when her car broke down, etc. For Film/TV, it's much more about emotion-- lyrics that can apply to MANY scenes in many shows, and not a detailed, specific storyline. The chorus itself is not a problem.

General comments below in red.

Best,
Casey

Next to me

Verse 1
She was Broken down on the 405
Red lights flashing in the midnight sky
I hit the brakes and pulled behind
Popped the hood and looked inside
When I first saw her I knew it was meant to be ... Sounds like you saw HER under the hood based on this following the line above it.
Had no idea she’d be the one who’s saving me ... "Saving" is an awkward change of tense

Chorus
I believe God sends his angels
In our greatest time of need
And I believe God sends his angels
Cuz she’s right here next to me

Verse 2
They don't build 'em like they used to
Lord knows I’m thankful that it’s true
Just when I thought I was falling apart ... You THOUGHT you were falling apart? Needs something more definitive.
I started her car and she jump started my heart
Cuz at that moment I knew it had to be ... Needs 2 unique lines, not mainly a repeat of what's in verse 1.
Had no idea she’d be the one who’s saving me

Chorus 2
I believe God sends his angels
In our greatest time of need
And I believe God sends his angels
Cuz she’s right here next to me

The bridge is mainly a collection of clichés that don't add anything. Try to introduce something new in the bridge but avoid the tired old clichés.
Bridge
So many miles of uneven roads
Too many stories that can’t be told
Way too many wrongs before a right
She changed it all on that summer night

Chorus Out

[eblossman]

Hi Casey,.
Thanks for the feedback and you are right on the money with a TV/Film listing. I didn't write this for that genre but recently I got hooked up with a Publisher that does primarily TV/Film so I need to shift gears to get more material submitted to them. I think I may write an alternate set of lyrics.
Thanks for the feedback!