Old Prom Dress (country/folk for female singer)

[mikeShort]

Normally, when songs pop out in 20 minutes, they sound like they popped out in 20 minutes, but I think maybe this one sounds better than that. What do you think?

Okay, truth. It's been worked on a little since the first draft ...

Old Prom Dress
by Michael B. Short © 2013

I came upon my old prom dress
In the back closet with all the rest
Of the memories I put away a long time ago
Hadn't looked at it for years
It's still pretty but I don't come near
To fitting in it like that day a long time ago

We danced all night long to our favorite songs
But that boy is gone gone gone
I sure felt pretty that day
Wonder if I took his breath away

It's still back there if you want to look
Like a 3D picture book
Of the photos that we snapped a long time ago
If I look deep in your face
I see the boy that you replaced
When you became a man a long time ago

We danced all night long to our favorite songs
But that boy is gone gone gone
I sure felt pretty that day
Wonder if I took your breath away

I was in love with that boy
But I had no way to know
What life was going to bring
And how it all would go
But looking back now
When I know everything
Even if I had a chance
I wouldn't change a thing

Since we danced all night long to our favorite songs
And that boy's not gone he's right here
You made me feel pretty that day
And you took my breath away

And we still dance all night long

[FMstereo]

Hi Mike

This is such a cool idea, and you've done a nice job telling the story.

One thing that jumped out at me, particularly in the first verse, is that you’re got a few lines where the phrases keep moving from one line to the next, and my concern is that your lyrics won’t marry up neatly with the phrases of music. Obviously there’s no music with this for me to tell, but this is how it looks just from the lyric.

Here’s a link from Pat Pattison’s site; he’s explained the point I’m trying to make very eloquently.

http://www.patpattison.com/pparchiveroadmaps/post

I came upon my old prom dress
In the back closet with all the rest
Of the memories I put away a long time ago
Hadn't looked at it for years
It's still pretty but I don't come near
To fitting in it like that day a long time ago

I’d try and rework verse 1 so that each line feels like a complete lyrical phrase that will match with the music phrases. This is just a rough idea, but maybe something like this:

I came upon my old prom dress
Sorting my closet that was such a mess
A memory put away a long time ago
Hadn't looked at it for years
It's still pretty but now I fear
I won’t fit in it like that day a long time ago

Hope that's useful.

Cheers

[mikeShort]

This is an excellent point. The music I have in mind has a long, continuous line that connects the three lines showing the the lyrics, so I think I can get away with it. But until it settles down, I won't forget about this.

[songmaster]

Hi Mike

The one thing I noticed right away ( and it's because I'm married ), is that no woman ( even if she is a hundred years old ) wants to remember that once upon a time, they were pretty ( or skinny, etc. ). This idea is excellent, but I think if you could somehow relate to the listener that she was pretty then and she is pretty now ( even after all these years ), it would make it more marketable.

Remember Shania Twains song, I forget the title, but one line said ( I want him to love me , even if I'm ugly ). I think that pretty well sums up how most woman feel. Us guys don't mind getting some grey hair but females, it's the kiss of death.

Anyway, like I said, it's a great idea and I know how hard it is to get one, so keep up the good work.