On a scale of one to ten, how offensive is this ditty

[hummingbird]

Apparently the critique was more offensive than the ditty

[Casey H]

I think the lyrics to "Yesterday" offend my sensibilities... Verse 1 starts out with the subject being the time "yesterday". Then in the 3rd line, the POV switches to "I". In verse 2, he starts with the "I" POV but then a shadow is the subject followed by what "yesterday" did. OMG, in the bridge it goes to the "she" thing!! Huh? Like WTF is he talking about?

[Verse 1]
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

[Verse 2]
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly

[Bridge]
Why she had to go
I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday

[Verse 3]
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

[Bridge]
Why she had to go
I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday

[Verse 4]
Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

[superblonde]

I also don't get the "super" part.

the difference is that I critiqued the work of art as art, and above you are critiquing a person, which is a personal attack, and that is unwarranted and inappropriate, and against the rules, yet also a repeated action by several others here.

[Casey H]

I also don't get the "super" part.

the difference is that I critiqued the work of art as art, and above you are critiquing a person, which is a personal attack, and that is unwarranted and inappropriate, and against the rules, yet also a repeated action by several others here.

That's a personal attack?? If it is, it's pretty darn light. Don''t ignore the fact that it was a reaction to the tone in your "critique" of his song-- a tone that was very inappropriate itself.

Also, if you truly were viewing it as a work of art, you would know that (as I said in a previous post) art can have different purposes-- making art for personal pleasure, wanting to sell it to others, etc. And rules in the arts are often broken.

Also, when you come off so smug in your assessment of someone else's song, it is normal for us to wonder-- Well, what have you created? I don't think I've ever seen you post a link to one of your songs here. Have you sold much of your music? Had Film/TV placements? Any Taxi forwards? I used to get frustrated with one of our members here (no names but starts with c and ends with a sea mammal ) for the harshness of his critiques. But he was ALWAYS willing to share with us links to his own music, tell us his track record with respect to libraries and placements, and more. Totally transparent. It's a lot easier to earn respect that way. Would you buy a book on songwriting or take a course from someone who has no track record of their own? No. The first thing you'd ask is "who are they to sell a book or course?"

That by no means folks who have no track record should not offer feedback and critiques. Everyone's opinion has value and some of the most valuable input I've gotten at times comes from people in that situation! BUT when you come off the way you did in your post regarding Feaker's song, the dynamics of the situation change.

[CTWF]

I used to get frustrated with one of our members here (no names but starts with c and ends with a sea mammal )

C%nt whale?

[cosmicdolphin]

I used to get frustrated with one of our members here (no names but starts with c and ends with a sea mammal ) for the harshness of his critiques. But he was ALWAYS willing to share with us links to his own music, tell us his track record with respect to libraries and placements, and more. Totally transparent. It's a lot easier to earn respect that way. Would you buy a book on songwriting or take a course from someone who has no track record of their own? No. The first thing you'd ask is "who are they to sell a book or course?"

Lol - I am an equal opporunities critic - I aim treat everyone the same, be 100% honest and it's only ever about the work and not the person ( which is where some people misunderstand and take things personally )

But I do agree ..........you can't be talk the talk unless you're willing to openly demonstate you can walk the walk.

[cosmicdolphin]

I used to get frustrated with one of our members here (no names but starts with c and ends with a sea mammal )

C%nt whale?

Sounds like a blind date I ended up on once

[superblonde]

query to Bard A.I.
"On a scale of one to ten, how offensive is this ditty by feaker66 : (lyrics)"

RESULT:

I would say that the ditty "Wiggle Wiggle" by feaker66 is offensive on a scale of 7 out of 10. The lyrics objectify women by reducing them to their bodies and their physical appearance. The song also makes light of sexual harassment and objectification, which can be harmful to women. Additionally, the song uses derogatory language to describe women, such as "alley cats" and "wreck."

Here are some specific examples of how the song is offensive:

- The song objectifies women by reducing them to their bodies and their physical appearance. The lyrics focus on the woman's "wiggle" and her "trance," which suggests that she is nothing more than a sexual object.

- The song makes light of sexual harassment and objectification. The lyrics describe the woman as being "disgusting" and "wrong to mock," but the singer still can't help but stare at her and sing about her body. This suggests that the singer does not see anything wrong with objectifying women, even if he knows that it is considered to be wrong.

- The song uses derogatory language to describe women. The lyrics refer to the woman as an "alley cat" and a "wreck." These terms are often used to demean and belittle women, and they can contribute to a culture of sexism and misogyny.

Overall, I believe that the ditty "Wiggle Wiggle" by feaker66 is offensive because it objectifies women, makes light of sexual harassment and objectification, and uses derogatory language to describe women.




Query:
" how can the ditty be fixed? "

RESULT:

The ditty "Wiggle Wiggle" by feaker66 could be fixed by removing the offensive lyrics and replacing them with more respectful and empowering language. For example, the lyrics could be changed to focus on the woman's beauty and strength, rather than her body and physical appearance. The song could also be changed to make it clear that the singer respects the woman and her boundaries.

Here are some specific examples of how the lyrics could be changed:

- Instead of focusing on the woman's "wiggle," the lyrics could focus on her "smile" or her "eyes." This would show that the singer is attracted to the woman's inner beauty, as well as her outer beauty.

- Instead of describing the woman as a "wreck," the lyrics could describe her as "confident" or "powerful." This would show that the singer respects the woman and her strength.

- Instead of making light of sexual harassment and objectification, the lyrics could be changed to condemn these behaviors. This would show that the singer does not condone these behaviors and that he believes that women should be treated with respect.

Overall, I believe that the ditty "Wiggle Wiggle" by feaker66 could be fixed by removing the offensive lyrics and replacing them with more respectful and empowering language. This would make the song more enjoyable for everyone and would help to promote a culture of respect for women.

[feaker66]

Holy crap that is a whole lot of typing SB. Just think of all the fun I have created with this post. Glad you posted your opinion.
Just thinkin bout that wiggle wiggle makes (ME) such a wreck. Wrong there chickey I'm saying I am both amused and excited about her lovely ass. Not sayin I would like to take her to bed, just saying I appreciate a good thing when I see it. Might be demeaning to you but enjoyed by me. I have been married 53 years and never cheated . na na na na na na
I bet twerking isn't one of your favorite moves as well. SB you and I are just different. You are refined and I am crude. It's all good.

A little extra story. While buying guitar strings in Texas, a beautiful gal was at the checkout. I know standards are different today I hesitated (but I just couldn't help myself) and said "you have really pretty eyes" I then said "I bet i am in trouble for saying that" She didn't say anything and motioned me behind the counter. I said "are you calling the cops or something" She said "I am so sick of what is going on today . I thank you for your compliment and just wanted to show you this sweet ass of mine" We both laughed and out the door I went. SMILING....true story...lightin up

[Casey H]

Feaker, I guess he's not gonna let you wiggle out of this one!!