Peer Reviews Needed

[381]

All, my last post really helped me pull together a nice piece, so thanks again for all of your previous tips, so....... Here We Go Again,I have a Singer/Songwriter styled tune that I would like some opinions on, Production and Lyrical Content, and Composition. The song's title is "Can You See" http://www.taximusic.com/hosting/home.p ... CS.....Can You SeeSee the world turned upside down, nameless faces standing in the crowd.Hear their cries about poverty, the excuse "it's life's lottery".See the government sell them war, and the rich steal just a little more,as they hide behind "Death or Liberty", Now Close Your eyes....Can't you see, can you seeWhen there's no little children starving, can't you see.Can you see, can you seeWhen our crippled people all start walking, can't you see.Now open your eyes...See the homeless left out in the cold,and our oldest all left alone,With no food, and no medicine , cause their money's already spent.Politicians promise all they can, taking more than they'll ever give,Building monuments to man's stupidity, now close your eyes....Can you see, can you seeWhen our mothers and fathers stop fighting, can't you see.Can't you see, can you seeWhen there's no sickness left to suffer, can't you see.Can you see, can you seeHow our neighbors should be like our family,And families should not be enemies,And our enemies may not be who we think they are.Just open your eyes...

[ceedub]

These are my first reactions:I think your voice sounds good. The delay on the vocal doesn't do anything for me.I like the "open your eyes"/"close your eyes" device.Why switch between "can" and "can't"? Do you want to switch to "should" (ex: Our neighbors "should" be like our family) in the last section? It's inconsistent with the first two choruses.I wanted to hear something new musically in the last section.The melody "Can you see" is very catchy.Good work. Good luck!

[elser]

I'm pretty much in agreement with ceedub on all his points. I'd just like to add, I love the picture on your homepage. The playing and singing sound good, but I'd like to see it a little more produced even though it's 'sing/songwriter', for me that would make it move forward a little better. Just adding some strings and a harmony vocal I think would really add to the emotional dynamic.Still, all in all, I like it.Elser

[adamstrings]

I agree with ceedub re. vocal effect-not necessary. I would add strings. A loose, rattling snare to fill up some space, but still pretty sparse.Good song, nice mood, and your voice carries the feeling.Adam

[derekmcfarland]

Overall good sound.I like the concept... has an "Imagine" vibe to it.Agree that the swtiching between can't and can is confusing.I like most of the verse imagery.Weakest lines IMO:"when there's no sickness left to suffer""families should not be enemies""enemies may not be who we think they are"I understand the effect you were trying to create with the hanging ending, but I think it would be more satisfying to have some resolution... either with a chord, "can you see," or both.Hope this helps.Derek

[ideascapes]

Hey Craig,Most comments focused on the vocal EFX (I agree--unnecessary), but my ears went right to the guitar, which I thought was too processed. Given the lyrical theme, I'd think you'd want to go for max organic here. Otherwise, I'd go the opposite direction and totally produce the thing--percussion, strings, soaring e. guitars, etc.Vince

[Casey H]

CraigNice tune. I'm not that good on production feedback- I thought it sounded a little too echo-y on the guitar.Important: What's your goal with the song?I agree with the comments so far. One thought I had, which may or may not work for you, would be to make the chorus lyric less specific on world problems- cover that only in the verses. Then have a really catchy phrase or two for the chorus ("Can you see" is OK but I wonder if there is something else). I think of "Blowing In The Wind" as the model... The verses talk about all things wrong with the world but the chorus simply says the answer is blowing in the wind. I could be all wet with the above. I'm full of idea's with other people's songs. Strong ending... Very effective...I also like your profile pic... I can see why you have a deep voice and good ears for music! **joke** Casey

[381]

All, Thanks for the input, it is very valuable, and as usual you are all coorect This was a kinda rough demo that I want to revisit and will probably do 2 versions, The more organic and clean version, and a more produced version. it will be interesting to see the response to the differing versions.