I Want My Virginity Back!

[ottlukk]

Here are the lyrics to a new song. You can hear the tune at http://www.myspace.com/suspendedspidersongs. I'd appreciate comments on the lyrics, production, whatever. Thanks, OttI Want My Virginity Back!Written by Ott LukkSuspended Spider Songsottlukk@yahoo.comIt was a lost weekend, and I do remember, how sweet you were with your wordsYour eyes all beguiling, your smile oh so stylin’, your touch much smoother than pearls But with all our kissin’, something went missin’and I want it back, don’t you see? it’s something so precious to me CHORUSI want my virginity back! Give it back, give it back, give it back!Give it back right this instant! I so – do miss it!To have lost it does cause me such painI want it back—so I can go lose it again!Go look on your sofa, or maybe your bedroom, the backseat of your parent’s carI know it’s there somewhere, so go and do look there, it couldn’t have gone very farDon’t you go thinking, that I am regrettingThat heat all so new, don’t you see? But this is important to meCHORUSI want my virginity back! Give it back, give it back, give it back!Give it back right this instant! I so – do miss it!To have lost it does cause me such painI want it back—so I can go lose it again!BRIDGEOh please baby, baby, don’t give me no maybeYou know I so need it backOh baby, that’s all that I askYou can keep all my kisses, and the nude pictures, even the video tapeI don’t need no promise, of love ever after, ‘cause we had such fun on our dateSo don’t be a meanie, do be a genieGive me one wish ‘stead of three – make time turn all backwards for meCHORUSI want my virginity back! Give it back, give it back, give it back!Give it back right this instant, I so – do miss it!To have lost it does cause me such painI want it back—so I can go lose it again!TAGSo give it back to me, oh baby, don’t you seeIt was so fun to get playedSo I want to go lose it againAnd again, and again, and again--and again, and again, and againAnd again!!! © 2009 Ott Lukkhttp://www.myspace.com/suspendedspidersongs

[tuite]

To be honest, I found this a little disturbing."So I can lose it again""On your sofa, your bedroom, backseat of your car""you can keep the nude pictures, even the video tape""again and again and again and again......."The song is riddled with lines that portray an image of a slutty girl who cares little for love and just wants to have sex all day long, and anyone or anywhere will do. Its all set to a happy, party tone which presents it as a fun activity with no meaning. It's very vulgar with no sublety at all and if I was Michael I would have it removed.Production wise it's solid enough. The snare is a bit ringy and resonant, the guitars are sloppy in parts but aside form that I reckon its good enough for a demo. I like some of the synth parts in the chorus.On a business note I dont think any label would go for it, most of these pop/rock or tween pop artists have squeeky clean images for the most part and any sexual influences int heir music are subtle. So I dont think its a runner Im afraid.Best wishes,Colm.

[Casey H]

I think it's pretty original and cool. Enjoyed it!! I didn't feel it completely the way tuite did. Squeaky clean applies to the tween set but not to a little older. Like it or not, things are pretty loose today. I remember Madonna breaking ground with "Like A Virgin". But read on... To tone it down you could get rid of the nude pictures and video tape. You've painted the picture effectively with the sofa, bedroom, back of the car... This may not buy you anything (song loses nothing without it) and possibly puts it over the "edge". And the story might be better if she wanted her virginity back to save it for someone special. The "again and again" at the end might give it the more slutty thing that tuite was talking about. But if that was in reference to losing it over and over with that someone special (kinda like Madonna's song) it would be OK. Casey

[marcblack30]

Sounds like a song Meatloaf would perform!Just a tad on the long side.Enjoyed the listen!

[sgs4u]

Sept 30, 2009, 6:17pm, hurowitz wrote:I think it's pretty original and cool. Enjoyed it!! I didn't feel it completely the way tuite did. Squeaky clean applies to the tween set but not to a little older. Like it or not, things are pretty loose today. I remember Madonna breaking ground with "Like A Virgin". But read on... CaseyI'm with Casey, there's nothing in that lyric that Madonna or Britney wouldn't sing.

[jdhogg]

mmm....not sure I can comment on this as I am not female.Seems like a male point of view on something very female?Could you explain these lines"To have lost it does cause me such painI want it back—so I can go lose it again!"Im not going to eleborate...leave that to the ladies.

[waltl]

I thought this was very entertaining. The humor was apparent from the start and maintained throughout. The last line of the chorus really nails it (forgive the pun).Two nitpicks. First, the rhyme is terrific in "Your eyes all beguiling, your smile oh so stylin’" However, can a smile be stylin'? It may be that I am not familiar enough with that word.Second, the word "back" is used 6 times in the chorus. Would the chorus be stronger if you cut down on that repetition and used other words, like "I need it now this instant! I so - do miss it."?Walt (waltl)

[ottlukk]

Colm: First of all. thanks for listening, and for the critique. I'm sorry you found the song "a little disturbing". I'm going to give you a slightly philosophical response to your comments. First of all, why do you think the girl is "slutty"? Have you ever referred to a guy as "slutty"? (you don't have to answer) You also refer to a girl "who cares little for love". How would you know? She says she's fine without a commitment, but that doeesn't mean she doesn't care about love. The day when people marry the first person they're intimate with is long gone. Some people like "it" with no strings attached. You may not appreciate that fact, but it's so. This song is not meant for a tween artist, period. But here's the one point I want to get across to you. This is supposed to be a pop song, not a treatise on how to properly balance virtue or the lack therof. It's meant to be ironic, very tongue-in-cheek, and most definitely not to be taken seriously. On what planet would you ever get your virginity back?Ottp.s. I have to admit you might have a lot of people on your side. Of 68 hits on the thread, only 13 bothered to link and listen to the song. I appreciate, once again, that you bothered to make a comment.

[ottlukk]

Casey: I appreciate your comments. I'll give you a little backgound that Colm will appreciate. I originally sent the tune off to a Nashville demo firm I use. They, just like you, suggested that I lose the "nude pictures", and the "videotape" lines. And just like you, they suggested that it would be OK if she came back to the same guy . . . I tried "you can keep all my kisses, my smilin' picture, even the bowl full of grapes" as a substitute for that line. And then they disapproved of "and again, and again, and again . . ." at the end of the song. So what was I supposed to do? Change "so I can go lose it again" to "so we can go do it again"? The irony and humor(at least, from my point of view) would be entirely lost. A lot of the point of this song was that the guy didn't own her just because he'd been the first to taste the fruit. So I sent it off to my LA demo firm, and they didn't even blink. I just found it interesting that you zeroed in on the same things that the Nashville firm did. Thanks for listening.Ott

[ottlukk]

Marcblack: I like meatloaf, thanks for listening.Ott