Farm And Field (work tape)

[djb]

I guess grandfathers are popular songwriter subject matter. I have a "grandfather song" too. It's written as if he were speaking about our family farm. This is just a guitar and vocal work tape. I'd like comments on the lyric and story concept. I'm aware of the rough vocal performance. Our band is in the studio at the end of march and this is one we're considering working on. Maybe w/dobro or pedal steel.The song is on my site www.taxi.com/dberdoulay and is called "Farm And Field". Lyrics Farm and FieldWe farmed these fields for sixty yearsI know every rowThe love we shared brought a great big yieldI’ve been proud to watch them grow Chorus:The meadow has that same sweet airMemories are revealedOur barn still has that same old look and feel, appealOld friends farm and fieldThe creek still bends where the woods beginsRemember how it feelsThe dirt road ends where it did back whenWe’d gather for our mealsChorusNow there’s bails of stories stacked insideThe shelves are stocked with smilesThe silo’s filled to the rim with prideI’ve got love to last the miles ChorusThanks for your help! Dave

[jwebbinspired]

Dave, I like grandfather songs I really like the idea and the picture you painted. It makes me think of my grandparents. And the times that are now long gone...like cutting firewood, playing Euchre, eating pumpkin pie and watching the deer along the egde of the woods. Ahhh...sweet times. The melody is decent and the flow is pretty good. To me it feels like some of the rhymes are forced, especially your hook line. The words "feel" and "appeal" don't seem to be senses associated with a barn. I would think more of the smell of old drying tobacco, or musty smell of hay or something. Most of all, you should be more specific, country music almost requires too much information. You could say "Mail Pouch Tobacco painted on the side" or "the old stone foundation."Your line is: "Our barn still has that same old look and feel, appeal, Old friends farm and field" I like the title "Farm and Field" a whole bunch, but I'm not sold on the hook. It's not really setup. I think your hook like should basically sum up the whole song in one statement. And you're kind of doing that kind of not. You're summing it up, but it's not a statement from the person speaking/thinking. Such as: "I remember old friends farm and field"Or "The memories keep on coming when I visit this farm and field" I think you've got a great song in the makings!! Keep it up.Andy

[djb]

Andy, Thanks for your input. Helpful. I am trying to express how spending your life on a farm that has been in the family for generations can evoke strong feelings of attachment. Even in the feelings for a barn which I believe is the most common thing associated with the family farm. I do think an ancient timber frame barn has a "feel" to it and appeal to the old farmer who has spent his life working in it. I should note that my intention for the song is not commercial country radio. More just singer/songwriter expression. I don't think the song has any chance in todays radio market. Dave

[jwebbinspired]

Oh I see. I'm so used to critiquing for commerical country, I guess I didn't realize the purpose. Good luck with it!!Andy

[cameron]

Hey Dave,This has a nice Nitty Gritty Dirt Band feel to it. I guess I'd call it more Americana in the current market.I agree with Andy that a couple of the lyrics don't seem to help the story and that "appeal" should probably go away.I'm not sure what is meant by "Old friends farm and field". Is this a farm owned by old friends, or do you mean that the farm and field are your old friends? If the latter, "MY old friends, farm and field" might clear that up. Or, if you wanted to show that this is a farm built on love, you could say "Old friends farm OUR fields". That would be easier to understand, but that really isn't a lyrical hook strong enough to hang a song on. Your lyrics have some good imagery, especially in your last verse, but I think the song needs a stronger title or an idea that supports more of a story. This song is mainly just conveying a feeling of the charm of farm life, and there really is no story. Think of the Steve Goodman song "City of New Orleans" (recorded by Arlo Guthrie and also Willie Nelson), which is similar to yours in some ways except based on a train, or even Elton John's "Country Comfort" which is also similar to yours in describing country life, but in both cases there is some action taking place. I could be wrong, but I think this song needs a little action like that, even if it's not necessarily a story with a clear beginning , middle and end.Here's a verse from City of New Orleans as an example:Dealin' cards with the old men in the club carPenny a point, ain't no one keepin' scoreWon't you pass the paper bag that holds the bottleFeel the wheels rumblin' 'neath the floorAnd the sons of pullman portersAnd the sons of engineersRide their father's magic carpet made of steamMothers with their babes asleepAre rockin' to the gentle beatAnd the rhythm of the rails is all they dreamOK, this is a tough example I know, and I personally have never come close to writing lyrics that good, but that's just what I mean by having some "action" in the story.I'll be the first to acknowledge that it's easier said than done... but since you asked. Anyway, your song has a nice feel and some good imagery... I think it just needs a stronger purpose and perhaps either a story line or more likely some more descriptive action.Cam

[matthoggard]

First im gonna say,Before you guys critique Dave too hard listen to all his tunes. Hes got an American/Alt country sound that is just incredible. Hes got some VERY GOOD SONGS that would compete anywhere in that genre.Bout the song,Feel/appeal: Even if its not a commercial pitch, I think you could rework this. Appeal just comes from nowhere.Lyrical structure and melody work very well IMO. "The creek still bends where the woods beginsRemember how it feelsThe dirt road ends where it did back whenWe’d gather for our meals"This is some good writing!Dude you got it going on. I realize that every song we write is not a "commercial" pitch. I do however believe that the lyrics and story should still be written with that [commercial] in mind so as to paint as vivid a picture as possible.Good stuff and a great start on this one!Matt

[djb]

Andy, Thanks again your comments are always very helpful.Cam, Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to this. I do see your point about more descriptive action. And because I am saying that the farm and fields are the friends, "My old friends farm and field" is a better line. Your example from City Of New Orleans is a great illustration of descriptive action. I've got to try to apply that here. By the way I've enjoyed listening to your songs. You're doing a fine job. Matt, I'm sure you know how great it feels when someone really likes your music. Thanks for the first rate compliments Dave

[feaker]

DaveI love these kinds of songs.A simple clean acoustic and a great story.I can picture you sittng around a campfire with family and friends.Paul

[djb]

Paul, I had the same thoughts about your song "Sixty" when I came across it on another site.Thanks! Dave