"All in a Daze" - Pop/Rock

[ideascapes]

Humbly request any comments from this fine group. Thanks in advance!Vince------------------------------------http://www.broadjam.com/transmit/index. ... bndsq=1All in a DazeWhen you’re around me I just can’t keep that smile off my faceGirl, you astound me and I don’t even know my placeYou laugh, you waveNow how am I supposed to behave?You wink, you speakAnd you’re turning me into a freakI’m all in a dazeAll in a crazy, mazy haze I’m all in a dazeAll in a daze for you You give me goose bumps every time that you walk in the roomThen your seduce jumps and I’m thrown by your sexy perfumeYou smile, you gaze, now how can I remain in my cave?You blink, you stare, and I know that I don’t have a prayerI’m all in a dazeAll in a crazy, mazy haze I’m all in a dazeAll in a daze for you So I steady, I ready myself to make that big, gutsy moveYou’re walkin’, you’re talkin’, and you’re making me lose my grooveAll in a dazeAll in a crazy, mazy haze I’m all in a dazeAll in a daze for you That daze, babyCrazy, mazy hazeUmm, babyAll in a daze for youOh

[geo]

Hi Vince..... I'm Geo..... thought I would give you a listen.....It's a good idea to let people know a little about the song... ie... new tune or planning to submit for this listing....Ok first impression ... sounds 80's... music, vocal delivery, lyrics.... I get that a lot... loved the 80's....Some of your rhymes are suspect....You give me goose bumps every time that you walk in the roomThen your seduce jumps and I’m thrown by your sexy perfume"Not conversational" might be the screener comment here....you want your lyric to flow more naturally.....The chorus doesn't really grab me..... the crazy, mazy line throws me everytime....I going to make the assumption that you posted here because you want to know if your tune is good enough to pass muster with the Taxi screeners... I'm sorry to say the answer is no...I could go on here Vince but instead I'll give you the same advice someone gave me when I started here..... check out some of the hot Pop/Rock songs that are out now or better yet head over to the forwards section.... search out posting by a dude names Big Blue Berry.... he had some forwards in this genre recently and his stuff is excellent.... it will give you an idea of where the bar is in your genre....It's not all bad.... the playing is good, arrangement interesting (in a good way) and production sounds clean.... Welcome aboard..... don't worry, get involved in the boards and you'll find plenty of help here if you want it...I look forward to your next post...Peace, Geo

[ideascapes]

Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment, Geo. New genre for me, and I now know to tell people that up front. I see truth in all your notes and nothing you said bothered me. I'm here to learn and plan to do plenty of reading, listening, commenting, and posting.Vince

[stephen1977]

Nov 21, 2008, 5:36am, ideascapes wrote:Humbly request any comments from this fine group. Thanks in advance!VinceVery classic feel to this one. Listening through my laptop and the production sounds pretty darn good man. I need to give this one the headphone treatment to be completely sold on it however.I hear a ton of influence in your style man. I keep reverting back to that classic rock sense here. I am half and half on the chorus. When it first kicks in, you got me, but the latter half of it is missing something... ...maybe a change up in the melody... ...I don't know, I will have to listen more.The song rocks. Its upbeat. Driving. You have an interesting sound with a familiarity to it. I can't really pinpoint a specific... ...well... ...I do hear a little Kansas in there... ...or maybe I'm just insane and haven't had enough Red Bulls this morning.I like your sound man. I would polish up that chorus and possibly rework it melodically. It starts great, but leaves me wanting more out of it if that makes sense. Listening a third time here and I'm really not seeing much difference in the chorus and the verses. Its obvious I've hit the chorus, but there is just not enough separation. Maybe bring in a higher vocal? Maybe bring in a counter melody with the keyboards? I don't know, but the chorus needs some polishing if anything.You have a great idea here.Good work creating a dynamic balance with the stops and cuts in instrumentation. Sounds mixed really well man.The sound is dated and I'm not saying that in a negative fashion because I like it. Thanks for sharing. Much talent here.

[ideascapes]

Great pointed comments, thanks Stephen. You gave me the motivation to go rework the chorus.I am pretty confident with my engineering and production as I've had good luck with my instrumental compositions, but less with songwriting (at least anything commercial with lyrics). My influences are all over the map, and I wouldn't be surprised if Kansas is in there somewhere.I'm also resolved to "embrace" the datedness of some of my tunes--I have several songs in retro categories in some of the libraries.I listened to "Better Day" and "See Ya Later" on your site--great sound and fine writing.Once again, I appreciate your time and effort. Look forward to more exchanges.Vince

[geo]

Nov 22, 2008, 2:21am, ideascapes wrote:Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment, Geo. New genre for me, and I now know to tell people that up front. I see truth in all your notes and nothing you said bothered me. I'm here to learn and plan to do plenty of reading, listening, commenting, and posting.VinceGeo here.... see if I knew that my critique would have read...."Good first effort Vince..... I don't listen to a lot of Pop/Rock.... but I have gotten an 80's vibe off a lot of it (specially the Tween Rock stuff) so though your song feels a little dated it's not that far off genre wise..... production sounds good as does the playing.... and the song is set up well arrangement wise.....The lyrics are your area of most concern.... you want your rhymes to be more interesting... look for different ways to say things..... but still keeping a more conversational flow to them...basically it's gotta be something a 14 - 20 year old might say...Keep at it and please post any updates.... you might want to go to the forwards section.... etc"See... same thing ... different approach....The promise of help on the boards is genuine.... I can attest to that... Glad to make your acquaintance Vince..... Peace, GeoPS... my band was/is Sunny Weather Daze.... your title drew me in

[ideascapes]

Thanks again, Geo. May you have many Sunny Weather Daze...V>

[jay10music]

VINCE.....GOOD STUFF.....I'M With Geo on this one.....Good job.....Jay....

[cjdenecia]

hey vince ... cj here ...if I could ... I'd like to add my comments without reading any prior ideas from anyone else ... that way I won't be bothered if I repeat something somebody else says and I won't be tainted by other opinions - just a dry listen.well, this is a song with a lot of different faces .... I hear some old classic rock in it but through that, I hear some southern california country rock too ... still circa the 70's ...first off - the production is very very tight. absolutely no complaints there - the drums, bass, guitars, etc - all there. vocals also ... nice placement in the mix across the board. pro. lead guitar was on but I wasn't inspired, sorry to say ... vocals - good job on the harms ... and the lead vocalist is solid - but ya know, he (you?) makes me a bit uncomfortable while listening ... he seems to pay a bit too much mind to making sure every last consonant is completely and totally pronounced ... over the top ... like it's a newscast or something .... it's a little off putting, especially at the end of words - where it's far more important to convey a musical statement than make sure the diction is pristine. after all, this is rock and roll right? tho sometimes people say "I like it but I can't understand the singer" - by and large, it's the musicality of a vocalist that sells - not whether or not he put the t on or made sure the "el" was cut so short there's no doubt what he said.some of the best singers in history slurred a bit ... it's natural. and it doesn't give the vibe of being contrived. as does over the top diction. lyrically ... well ... a lot of focus got drawn to the words BECAUSE of the delivery and well ... some were cool and some were clever but a lot of rhymes seemed quite forced and to be sure "freak" should not have been in this song. but it wasn't just that one .... perfume was another one that felt like it was there just for the sake of rhyme scheme. but part of that was how you accentuated the words far too much.if it's you singing - loosen up, relax - put some mash potatoes in your mouth and sing a few lines and then try to recreate that sound without the prop. this ain't no opera, it's a rock song man.so - all in all, it's competent. and it's well structured, but I couldn't get past the vocals on it to appreciate the song ... good voice - no doubt, good control and good timbre, tone and simple edge - but the delivery needs what I mentioned.hope that's the sort of information you were looking for - honesty.cus that's all I got. good luck man ... really - I would love to hear you do a second vocal take so I could give the song a fairer shake.

[ideascapes]

cj and all,I love that you guys have strong opinions about all this and take the time to pass them on honetly--it makes me think hard about every detail and that's a good thing.Yes, that's me singing. I AM NOT A SINGER! I only do it to demo the song before I hire a pro. Since I pitch to TV/film, I need master quality recordings. I usually can pull that off for the instruments/production, but I wouldn't even think of doing it for vocals. I definitely hear what you are saying about over-emphasizing the pronunciation. I guess I do that so the real singer can hear where I intended to cut the notes off--then, they can do their thing...slur, eat mashed potatoes, sing on key, have an edge...all the things you mentioned that I could never pull off.Typically, I don't let people hear demos of my songs with my voice, so consider yourselves either lucky or cursed, probably the latter! If it made you uncomfortable to hear, triple that and you have my feelings...I will definitely look at the lyrics again. Sometimes I get married to cleverness.Once again, I really appreciate all the feedback and look forward to returning the favor(s).Vince