new Country song

[adrienne]

I've done a few more changes to this rough demo. Please forgive the pitchiness and poor guitar playing. What do you think? I would like to leave the end with her getting married. Do you think the bridge sets it up enough, in that the last line of the bridge is "And when I'm ready I'll become a wife"? I want to make sure that it sets it up okay. I don't want a screener to say to me "you say in the song you're single and happy and then you get married!" I'm hoping the point is made enough by the last line of the bridge (and the rest of the song). I was thinking for the final verse, I would do a breakdown and possibly slow the tempo so it separates it too. That might also help to set up the twist. Thoughts?Thanks for all your help!Never A Bride(c) 2008 Adrienne Leopoldhttp://www.adrienneleopold.com/NeverABride_w_chorus.mp3My baby sister she just tied the knotWith her high school sweetheart on granddaddy’s farmThe whole town attended to share in their joyEveryone asked me where was my special boyI heard them whisper that I’m past my primeBut happiness comes in all different kindsChorusI won’t say I doFor any old groomI won’t settle so I can wear whiteWalking down the aisleSeems like a million milesIf it’s not leading straight to Mr. RightSo you might say I’m foolish, but I say that I’m wiseAlways a bridesmaid never a brideMama’s ashamed cause this ain’t supposed to beShe wanted grandbabies, I got a degreeBut after some time mama said she was proudI followed my dreams instead of the crowdWhen it comes to family, I don’t fit the moldI did what I wanted and not what I was toldRepeat ChorusBridgeCause I don’t need to marryI’m single and happyI’m chasing my dreams and living my lifeAnd when I’m ready I’ll become a wifeI came home to visit at Easter in springTo tell the family and show off my ringIt’s true love will happen if you give it timeAlways a bridesmaid, now I’m a bride.

[ideascapes]

Adrienne, For some reason I missed the original posts, so I'm listening for the first time now. Since it's a demo, I concentrated on the lyric and just scribbled notes as I listened:"where was my special boy" sounded rushed--too many syllables?"But happiness comes in all different kinds"---awkward phrasing?"Walking down the aisle Seems like a million miles"--great lines"Cause I don’t need to marry"--maybe something more along the lines of, "I don't need a man to complete me"?I know you want to throw a twist and end up with a wedding (or engagement), but the last verse seems like huge leap in the story with nothing to set it up.V>

[adrienne]

Jan 6, 2009, 7:14pm, ideascapes wrote:Adrienne, For some reason I missed the original posts, so I'm listening for the first time now. Since it's a demo, I concentrated on the lyric and just scribbled notes as I listened:"where was my special boy" sounded rushed--too many syllables?"But happiness comes in all different kinds"---awkward phrasing?"Walking down the aisle Seems like a million miles"--great lines"Cause I don’t need to marry"--maybe something more along the lines of, "I don't need a man to complete me"?I know you want to throw a twist and end up with a wedding (or engagement), but the last verse seems like huge leap in the story with nothing to set it up.V>Thanks Vince. That's kind of what I was worried about..that I didn't set it up enough. I'll give it some more thought.Can I ask what you found awkward about the line "Happiness comes in all different kinds"? I kind of liked that line

[adrienne]

Just had another thought....what if I changed the last line to "Always a bridesmaid, ONE DAY a bride"? Does that work any better? Or does it still need to be set up more? I'm not sure I even like that...but I'll throw it out there.

[cameron]

Adrienne,I like the melody in the verses (especially the second-to-last line of each verse) but the chorus melody just doesn't do it for me. You've previously written one of the best songs I've ever heard from a Taxi member, so I know you can do it. And, of course, this is a very subjective thing. I'm just one person, and nobody else has said anything about it, so keep that in mind.I would drop the word "she" in the first line. I know that this is country music, but it's not grammatically correct and drives me nuts. How about "My baby sister has just tied the knot"? I guess I find "granddaddy's farm" a bit awkward at the end of the second line too. I'm not sure if it's because it doesn't rhyme or because of the word "farm" seems awkward at the end of a line.Just my US$.02. Cam

[jwebbinspired]

Adrienne,Howdy. I've read the lyrics over a dozen times and I definitely agree that the hook needs setup more. But I am trying to think of an example but nothing is coming. Hopefully you're not having this much trouble. I think Vince pointed out the major issue with the flow and that is that the final verse seems so abrupt. Maybe the you should write a new bridge that talks about her meeting the guy?I wish I could have been more helpful.Andy

[southpaw]

adrienne, i can really hear this being a good song. You have a soothing voice, i felt very relaxed listening. As randy jackson would say though, "its a little pitchy, but dude, ya know, i felt it ". Demo is just fine for the purpose imo, although i would drop the vocals level down a little because it kinda sounded 'similar to say someone who is singing a little too close to the mic' you could also try adding a slight amount of delay or reverb, but apply it sparingly.. almost to the point where you can barely hear the effects exept for a faint delay, because i like the drier texture of your tone.. You might like it, might not.The song is good and the melody are pleasing to me. The things that stuck out as things i wanted to hear but didnt, with the melody are:"the whole town attended, to share in their joy"Didnt soud right to me, i wanted to hear a rise with the emphasis on "whole" and "share" up a little higher or something.Then i also wanted to hear a stronger note on "always" descending- never-a-bride. The segue was boring to me, i wanted to hear maybe a quick drop to silence and then into the chorus or a small simple guitar lick to transition to the chorus.The chorus was good, i wanted to hear you sing it with a little more energy imo. Just some food for thought, hope it helps.Jamie

[adrienne]

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I'll have to think about where I go from here.