Feedback needed on "Go To Man"

[jonathanm]

Hi, gang.Just recorded this quick demo last night with my buddy. It's aimed at a "Dylan meets Mayer" market. Feedback is appreciated."Go To Man"© 2008 Rod RabonIf I can touch, I can catch it; I'm your "go to" man.Just throw it up; I'll be there; you can trust these hands.When it's fourth and long, and time's almost gone,If I can touch, I can catch it; I'm your "go to" man.If there's an opening, I will find it; I can cut through the lane.And if I have to pull it up, you can trust my aim.Before the buzzer sounds, you know the shot will go down.If there's an opening, I'm gonna take it; I'm your "go to" man.When the bases are loaded, and I'm down in the count,Whether high and fast, or slow and low, don't count me out,'Cause when the situation's tense, I'll be swinging for the fence.When the bases are loaded, I'm your "go to" man.Well, I ain't never been a superstar; I'm just an ordinary man,But when it comes to lovin' you I do the best I can.Of all the things that hold true, count me and you,Oh, 'cause when it comes to lovin' you, baby, don't you know that I'm your "go to" man.'Cause when it comes to lovin' you, baby, don't you know that you can trust these hands;I'm your "go to" man.

[deantaylor]

Jonathan,I like your lyric. I am catching a whiff of another famous melody here ... not sure. Dean

[ideascapes]

Jonathan,You have a nice, but very simple harmony/melody here, so that's probably why Dean hears hints of other songs. Although you didn't state your desired use for the song, I think you'd need to add considerable interest to make it commercially viable. A bridge would probably help tooVince

[anne]

Hi Jonathan - MHO - if this is a tv track I think its fine. It is one definite mood / emotion throughout. Using some melodic variation is a good idea to build some interest, especially after the 2nd verse but you don't want to introduce some other direction. I don't know you, yet, so please excuse if I said stuff you know!If it were a commercial release, it definitely would want to build more through a bridge or "b" section.I understand this was recorded recently, so I'm not saying anything is "wrong"!Nice singing and playing - and clean recording. And really cool lyrics / perspective : ) BTW - Dean - could the "whiff" be on the end of the verse reminding you of "waiting for the world to change" (and several other songs?) I don't think its too strong of a whiff, but that song came to mind - especially with the way this is played. Just a thought...

[kitz]

Johnathan,I'm thinking - you need a chorus on this. Neat lyric on the verses. Kitz

[billg]

hey Johnatan, it wouldn't sream for me . . . not your fault, it's my 'puter-

[jonathanm]

Excellent feedback, all. Thanks!Dean: yeah, it's a pretty simple little ditty, so the whiffs are probably true...but no leaves were rolled and burned in the creative process. 'scapes, Anne and kitz: Yeah, it needs a bit of fleshing. There'll be a blues harp or guitar lead in the break, but I think you're talking about more of a second theme / b-section. Thus the common thread requesting a bridge/chorus. We'll see what can be done.billg: the choice of the contraction "'puter" wouldn't have anything to do with your recent elephant-oriented composition, now, would it? Thanks again, everyone!