Come Home

[liamkelly]

Thought I’d post my newest effort. Comments welcome.I’ve rewritten this americana-ish song many times over the past six months. So much so that it became a total logjam for me and for a while I couldn’t think of anything else. Weird, I know, for such an average tune.I know there’s loads wrong (sectional contrast, bridge too wordy which kills melody, dodgy rhyming scheme verse 2, bridge lyric very dated, boring-ish melody) but it is what it is right now. I'm a bit tired of the editing. If you have any comments though, I'd appreciate them. I sure appreciate the ears around here.Mike Kelley did the vocals.Steve Soucy did the keys. He’s done a crapload of keys for me recently and I owe him big.Martin (gitarrero) did the rest. As I said, comments welcome, I’ll take them all on board. http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... m=trueCome Home.©2008 Liam Kelly SAMROBrother, you are swimming in a sea of lost souls,Where nothing in your life has become what you once supposed.Come home.Why don't you just come home this time?You had everything at your feet and now you're on your knees, Why don't you just come home this time?Brother, your heart used to be as wide as the sky,And not the empty prison of your dog-tired life.And I see in the storybook of your eyes,That you've become the very thing that you despised.Come home.Why don't you just come home this time?You had everything at your feet and now you're on your knees,Why don't you just come home this time?Brother, I have loved you since you were Paul Newman and I was Steve McQueen Heading down a road chasing beauty queens.I have loved you for so long I could never stop,Even as you lose yourself… drop by drop by drop.Come home.Why don't you just come home this time?You had everything at your feet and now you're on your knees,Why don't you just come home this time?

[regulator]

yeah this is workin'this is what you get when you hire great playersinvest in yourself, invest in your music, you get closer to qualitythere's too much of the "i can do it all" approach here - those tracks end up falling flatkeep doin' what your doin'investbe who you are and be that well

[matthoggard]

Hey Liam,First, I really like the music. Its got a very heartfelt sound and is happy and sad all at once.I think there is pretty decent contrast between verse and chorus, maybe just needs some kind of guitar or key hook to set up each section.My biggest problem is when the chorus comes in. "Come Home" the melody is really cool and Im ready to bust out singing along. Tears in my eyes and the whole 9 but...............It takes too long to get to the next line. Im left hanging. I think your more on a POP or Adult contemporary sound here. It could easily be written as a contemorary country song too. Man I so wanted that chorus to kick off and make me cry but it just doesnt flow.The melody is nice. Although its fairly simple, its one of those melodies that singers love to sing. It easy to say words and express emotion in it.The bridge is a little long winded but its very strong musically IMO. Just tighten up the lyrics some. Find another way to say the Newmann Mcqueen line.Make that chorus shine! Get to that beautiful melody and lyrics quick and sing it like Angels.The melody is already stuck in my head.M~

[squids]

Liam,Wow, this is a beautiful piece!! Heartfelt, lush. The only comment I'd make is the same as Matt......that second line in the 1st chorus doesn't happen soon enough so there's not enough emotional lift that we all want to feel if we're supporting someone who's on the ragged edge. The second chorus worked for me much better, very fluid. You're right about the wordy bridge. Betcha Mike had ta grab onta somethin' for a second there. The music is jes drop dead gorgeous. I can hear this on film, on the radio once it's been clipped a bit in those spots.Jes really well done. Lemmee know whatcha wanna do with it. I'd like a copy if you let me know where I can get it.

[plaincountry]

TAXI CUSTOM CRITIQUEStyle__ On target for today's market in ________ genre__ Not current sounding__ Hard to classifyStyle Comments:I enjoyed the music. It had a soft rock/country feel to it that I was thought appropriate for the tone and emotion expressed in the song.Melody__ Good music in versesx_ Verses could be stronger__ Good music in chorus__ Verses/Chorus sound too similar__ Memorable Hook__ Hook not obvious enoughMelody Comments:The melody was strong at points, but not one that makes me want to sing along. Structure__ Intro too longx_ Well-written structure__ Good sectional contrast__ Not enough sectional contrast__ Could use a bridgeStructure Comments:I enjoyed to structure of the musically. Lyrically, however, I had some difficulty with it, as my comments below reveal.Lyric__ First line makes me want to hear more__ Engaging__ Cohesive__ Good use of imagery__ Rhymes well__ Communicates emotion to listener__ Lacks focus__ UniqueX_ Too abstract__ I don't understand it__ Too predictable__ Too many clichesx_ Awkward phrasing__ Vocal does not help to sell songx_ Vocal does help to sell songLyrcial Comments:What I liked about this song is that it touched me personally. I have a brother who was "out there" with drugs and alcohol (and now in prison) and as a family we wanted nothing more than for him to simply "come home." I think, however, that there are some elements missing in your story. As in any story, the writer needs to provide a reason for me to care about what happens to the characters. I'm not sure that you do this before pleading for him to "come home." "Swimming in the sea..." provides a vivid image, but it doesn't really grab me emotionally. You do give us that reason, however. It comes in the lines about Paul Newman and Steve McQueen. I think you already know these lines seem rushed to fit the melodic structure that you laid out, but what if you told us that story up front. Give us a reason to care about the relationship between you and your brother. Then when you say "come home" it will mean something to us.In terms of imagery and lyrical content, while "wide as the sky" works to make the rhyme its pretty simple (could his heart actually have been the horizon, wide for all to see), and the "storybook eyes" is a very suggestive image, but it seems too positive at this point in the song (isn't that what he lost? the story, the sense of wonder that was once in his eyes?) Finally, you might want to update your allusions. I'm old enough to remember to McQueen and Newman. Chances are that reference will fly right over most potential listener's heads (or they'll wonder what salad dressing has to do your brother). If you take the time to set up the story and give your listeners an opportunity to connect, I think you will have a great song here. This is my first shot doing this. Please let me know if my feedback was useful.Take care, PCTitlex_ Good title (what else could it be?)__ So-So title__ Can't determine title by listening__ Could appear in a more strategic place__ Doesn't repeat enoughx_ Repeats too oftenTitle Comments:___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________OVERALL COMMENTS___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Now give a rating 1 to 10, 1 being the worst, 10 being the best:7_ Music5_ Lyrics5_ Marketability6_ Arrangement8_ Production8_ EngineeringNOW. Would you walk this into a label credibility on this music? color]__ YESx__ NO (not yet)NOW. Give a reason why did or didn't forward this:Lyrical content was not yet complete. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[lboogie77]

Liam,I really liked this tune. The arrangement and concept were great. Mix was good too. I am sure this can find a home backing a heartfelt scene. Best Regards

[geo]

Hey Liam.... I really dig this!!!! Man the music is great, like the lyric.... just the chorus gives me a little problem.... the lines don't seem to mesh there .... plus I prefer more of a rhyming scheme in the chorus.... Come home.Why don't you just come home this time?You had everything at your feet and now you're on your knees,Crying out you can't see the forrest on account of all the trees, Why don't you just come home this time?Something like that.... but something better .... On the Bridge please consider....Brother, I have loved you since we played Butch and SundanceHeading down the road chasing one more chanceI have loved you for so long I could never stop,Even as you lose yourself… drop by drop by drop.Love the drop by drop line..... Hope something in there helps....Peace, GeoPS. Not so average

[heinsite]

hey liam!!!am i missing your posts, or is this one of just a few?i love this, as i love melody, and i like this one allot.ps: i HATE those "screener" critque sheets, and we're seeing more of them by some, but i'll just say that the vibe IMHO is very radio friendly. --one suggestion i have is in the chorus, i'd end some of the lines on a higher note for more hooky emphasis--though we hear this style as is on the raydeeoh--but you might have to "stick out" a bit more...--i dig the bridge, just would drop a few of the first line's (steve mcqueen line?) words, or consolodate, as it's a bit too rapidlycrampedman (though that may be what you're after...) but i think less cramped would be more clear for us listeners. the other lines are perfect BTW in the bridge, match the first with them more IMHO...and keep steve mcqueen!! LOL...--oh, as it's streaming again, i'll say what is a jones of mine--i'd cut the intro in 1/2, on either end, and get to the song man!very nice work man! that's all i got, except the production also sounds darned good, nice buildingall the best,warren

[wta]

Wow great intro Liam. nice balance with intrumentation. Great vocals. Bloody excellent tune, great build to the final chorus. Spot on melody. Love the lyrics. This is top shelf mate. This tune is in the can man! '-) wta

[jchitty]

Liam, "Come Home" is excellent! I love your lyrics...they are so soulful and heartfelt. I actually see this as different from a pop pitch...this could actually be pitched to a country listing....did you know you have written a great country song? Country is becoming more pop oriented anyway.....stellar production all the way through. You, Steve, Martin and Mike Kelly did a top notch job. The bridge may be a tad wordy, but you know, I don't think it will interfere...the song is seamless, and Nashville accepts bridges that are a little wordy anyway...it tells a poignant story.Good luck with it! I'm gonna click it on and listen again, I enjoyed it so much.