Critique please!

[jamesrjones]

Thanks to everyone who comments.ChuckThis is the listing:ADULT CONTEMPORARY/POP ANTHEMS a la Josh Groban's "You Lift Me Up" are needed by the Music Supervisor for an Independent Feature Film. Lyrics should be positive, uplifting and romantic. No religious lyrics or references. Musically, huge & anthemic choruses are a must. Broadcast quality is essential, as they won't be re-recording your material. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than Mar. 24, 2008.http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... am=trueThe Beauty of LoveYou sooth my mindYou own my body, heart and soulThere was a timeWhen I could live my life aloneBut now I cant give you up the half that makes me wholeIt's going to take all my strengthTo turn and let you goBut thats the beauty of loveOh its the kind of a thing, we all dream ofThats the beauty of loveYou need the heart of an eagle and the wings of a dove There is a fireThat I cling to in the coldMy one desireYou light the path that leads me homeSo how can I bare the weightof words still left unsaidHow can I stand the truthand face what lies aheadBut thats the beauty of loveOh its the kind of a thing, we all dream ofThats the beauty of loveYou need the heart of an eagle and the wings of a dove I turned away as you closed the doorFree to be, what you are and so much more I closed my eyes wishing you would staybut you flew awayAnd I dont know if you'll return to me one dayBut thats the beauty of loveIts the kind of a thing, we all dream ofThats the beauty of loveYou need the heart of an eagle and the wings of a dove

[hummingbird]

Hi CHuck - reading over your lyrics, they struck me as poignant and sad. Lovely vocals. The lyrics might be considered off target, but the music does feel uplifting. The ending felt a little abrupt to me, I was expecting a longer note, a sweeter finish.

[jamesrjones]

Thanks Vikki. I've been thinking the same thing about the ending myself.

[questor]

Nice song...seems to fit the listing well. The vocals are very nice, but too far in the background in my opinion (I have the same problem in my stuff). It sounds like the vocals are strong and clear enough to take center stage, so it might just be a minor mixing issue.Nice bridge from verse to chorus, though since you might need to do a remix (to get vocals in the foreground), you may want to (very slightly) boost the overall volume during the bridge and chorus (maybe just first line in chorus) and then back down during the rest. Be careful not to over-do it, but a slight volume boost might help make the chorus stand out and be stronger. Alternatively (or additionally) more attitude during the chorus might help a bit....hard to say because the vocals are in the background right now. Once you put the vocals up front the added strength (and volume) may be unnecessary.Overall nice work, I think it fits the listing well. oh, yeah, I also totally agree with Vicki about the ending. A button ending might be popular, but for this song, I think a fade-out or an instrumental/vocal improve that fades out might work better.Great Job.

[hummingbird]

Just a note - I am no expert, but you have to be careful in adding volume to vocals for this type of submission. In film/tv it's very important that the vocals be the same level as the instruments, otherwise if you turn the song down under dialoque all you hear are the vocals.

[jamesrjones]

Hey fellow passengers.Here is a new version with ending changed. Let me know if it fits.Chuckerhttp://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_id=108292&stream=true

[ncc1701]

Hi, Chuck/Jim. I like a lot of your ideas here and you have a beautiful singing voice. Ditto what Hummingbird and Questor said.The one thing I thing the song still lacks is some harmonic tension. Especially in the chorus - the listing is looking for "huge & anthemic choruses." I wanted to hear some drama, some edge, that would then be gratifyingly resolved back to the major key at the end.This is one pitfall I'm constantly working to avoid in my own pop stuff. The chords are nice, and the melody is nice, but they come out too predictable and pat. I just wrote a ballad like this (with a darker theme, so I didn't plan to submit it) and I even lose interest in the chorus myself.I'm definitely not suggesting you go back to the drawing board for this submission, but if you feel like revisiting the song later, finding some different harmonies in that chorus might "lift it up" (ha ha) and make it even more memorable.Kathleen

[jamesrjones]

Thanks Kathleen. I'll consider making some changes to the chorus as you've suggested. It wouldn't be hard to add some other harmonies.

[timmerblakely]

Beautiful song. And I like the second mix better. Maybe it's just me but the vocals felt more present in the second mix, a good thing (imo). The only thing i don't care for is the drum fill and crash coming into and halfway into the chorus. I think i would like it if the drums kicked in there and pushed the dynamics up in the chorus but, as it is now, it give me a half measure of build and then nothing. And the crash feels a bit harsh sounding to me. Maybe to loud, maybe too quick of a decay. But either way, a bit unnatural.Just my opinion. Great song, great lyrics!Timmer

[jamesrjones]

Thanks Tim. I appreciate the comments on the drums. You may have something there. I was thinking that the whole chorus needs more power, so I've changed the harmonies a bit. I'm hoping this better matches the build of the drum fill. This is the latest version.http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... tream=true