How far away is this?

[ddusty]

Hello,For those of you who have heard any of my previous posting do not be alarmed when you here my singing , Rebekah's sweet vocals will be back. This song is a little off genre, and far from my comfort zone, which is to say that this one is mine from the ground up. I realize that is nothing to brag about here, as most of you do all of your (fabulous) work from the ground up, but I normally have lot's of help.It is a country/rock song which means most listings it may fit will be a high bar.I know it's not a high bar song yet, here is my question, do you think it can be a high bar, or did I forget the salt. (reference to Ms. Vikki's great analogy) I know there are plenty of production issues that need to be cleaned up, but feel free to let me know what you would do. there is an acoustic guitar that is somehow lost (OK, it's actually gone not just lost) in this mix, and the accompanying electric is too loud. http://rebekahpulley.com/mp3s/Cry%20Mys ... ake.mp3Cry Myself Awake Rob Pastorei know that you don't love me, not the way that I love you'cuz you told me yesterday and I guess i always knew.your not looking for that someone, to have and to holdit seems that what you really need is just some time aloneso don't you worry bout me I'm alright on my own(chorus) Don't you worry 'bout me I don't cry myself to sleepI am happy in the evening in my dreams your mine to keepin the morning I realize and it's just too much to takeI lie in bed and think of you and cry myself awakewell i sure don't take it personally you're not ready for a new manThat doesn't make it easier but I guess i understandI can't wait for you any longer to realize what you hadthat means that I'll be moving on but it's really not so sad'Cuz I'll always be a friend to you and that ain't bad(Chorus)I know that I've been kidding myself all this timeIf you and me were meant to be you'd already be minebut you know where to look for me if you ever change your mindlook for me my baby I'll be lying in my bedNo tear stains on my pillow cuz your dancing through my headif i could just kiss you, just once for goodness sakethat will be the morning i won't cry myself awake.

[tedsingingfox]

Hey, Rob.I think you've got some potential here. I was hearing LOTS of old John Fogerty in those verses...but in that pre-chorus, the energy got lost. And the concept in the chorus is very cool, although I would think the lyrics could be tightened up and still get the same thing across.If I were you, I would NOT throw this one away.Ted

[ciskokidd]

Hi Rob,In it's current state I don't think this song meets the contemporary Country style. There is a bit of a resurgence by some artists to traditional Country, but the songs are still mega high-bar. Melodically the song seems to me more traditional Country-Rock.I really like the concept of Cry Myself Awake, it's a great title. However, the lyrics have to be spot on perfect to have a chance for one of these listings since Country demands that.My advice is to use the Luboff's technique for writing and sort of go back to ground zero on this one (if you want to take a shot at the high-bar). When you have a concept/title like this one there is so much potential. The technique I'm referring to is 12 Steps to Better Songwriting. It's a technique book and a short read, but it is a great way to build songs of the high-bar caliber.Otherwise, I would work on making the chorus not as wordy. I know you make light of your vocals, but you actually have a nice voice (Ted's reference to Fogerty is a good one). If you sing this song with more confidence you can get more emotion from your lyric.That's my long-winded two cents.Best,Cisco

[ddusty]

Thanks everyone,I knew this one wasn't up to a high bar, and it is the title that has kept me plugging away. (I agree that it's a good concept to explore)Cisco, I'll check that book out, as I am not that good at re writes, but maybe a fresh approach may help.thanks again!This Forum ROCKS!Rob