Chits and I could use ala's on this one.

[squidlips]

We've been up to no good while all y'all gettin' ready for the Rally. I dunno, I'm hearing from some everything from Michelle Branch to Imogen Heap. I can't figure out WHAT to submit this to.Anyone have any ideas? You don't have to critique it, I know you're on borrowed time right now, jes take a listen to the first 30 secs or so (if you can), and tell me what you think. We sure appreciate it, thanks tons! (also, thanks to Dave, Vikki, Nomi, millieg and Steve D for taking time) http://www.broadjam.com/player/player.as....sionI NDEX=1560Here's Chits lyrics:ANOTHER DAY IN THE 'BURBS (Janet Chitty/Nita Hope 2007) She rolls down the windowOn the way to workA wind blows through The cracks in her soul She passes by a strip mallAnd wondersJust when her familyMade her feel so old She lost herself And she lost her balance,Not the one on her credit card.She prays that no one looks underneath the surfaceAs she polishes out the scarsAnd she says, “it's just another dayJust another day In the 'burbs”What she was twenty years agoLost its nerve Just another dayShe comes home from workWith a bright pink packageLunch hour They had a saleIn her 20's she wantedTo sing in the bandBut that entry levelIt paid so wellShe lost herself And she lost her balance,Not the one on her credit card.She prays that no one looks beneath the surfaceAs she polishes out the scarsAnd she says, “it's just another dayJust another day In the 'burbs”What she was twenty years agoLost its nerve Just another dayAnd she says, “it's just another dayJust another day In the 'burbs”What she was twenty years agoLost its nerve Just another day

[geo]

Hey guys, nice track, kinda mesmerizing, I suck at ala's so sorry no help there, If you don't mind one small critique. I like that disjointed distorted guitar thingy in the second verse but was waiting for the song to build off of that. Not really a critique, that really falls into the personal taste/arrangement realm. Really nice production, good job guys... Geo

[trentoliphant]

Really nice work on that. Love the lyrics and the tune had me from the very beginning.I think the problem with the ala's is that the melodic and harmonic ideas you have going on, don't quite fit with instrumentation and vocal energy and quality. Vocally and instrumentation I would even say Colbie Caillat. Harmonic and Melodic I imagine a Gwen Stefani - but it would have to be a bit more driving for that.Those are just guesses because like Geo I don't know if I'm very good at picking ala's. The main problem is I can't remember who sings what or even names of songs.I know the song is about "she", but if you had a male sing it and pick it up a bit I could even see it as Alt rock (Maroon 5 maybe?).I like the song in the style you are currently doing it. Although I too was waiting for the build - that never came. Of course that fits in with the idea of the song - anticipation that is never quite fulfilled.Have you thought about getting a custom critique on it to find out where it might fit. I certainly don't have the experience yet to really do justice to the comparisons.Regardless of whether you find an ala for it - it is a beautiful song.Trent

[liamkelly]

Wow, guys, what a good song! Great vocal, melody, production and a really good lyric. The line 'what she was twenty years ago lost its nerve' is sublime. You really have a very good voice, Squids. Can I have a copy for my iPod sometime ? Really Ala's... hmm... it reminded me of some of Regina Spektor's stuff. 2c.Liam

[deantaylor]

Nita, Chits,Excellent song. Really, really like it. Everything ... lyric, melody, music, performance .. everything. Ala's .. maybe Michelle Branch, with some Suzanne Vega, even a little Avril Lavigne. Dean

[jchitty]

First off, thanks to everyone for the good feedback and suggestions about the song. I'd also like to say that co-writing with Squids was such a pleasure.....man, getting to work with such a beautiful voice and and such a good engineer of melodies and production......well, you can't ask for anything better. She really gave 'Burbs a life. Plus, I got a chance to write outside my genre (country) and I really felt challenged. Thanks for giving me this opportunity, Squiddy!

[billg]

Can't help much with the 'alas' but this sure is an awesome song! Great damn job!

[squidlips]

Wow, Bill. Thank you........was jes gushin' about you to chits on the phone. Man, the stuff you're puttin' out really does it for me. I sure appreciate this.

[squidlips]

Quote:Hey guys, nice track, kinda mesmerizing, I suck at ala's so sorry no help there, If you don't mind one small critique. I like that disjointed distorted guitar thingy in the second verse but was waiting for the song to build off of that. Not really a critique, that really falls into the personal taste/arrangement realm. Really nice production, good job guys... GeoThanks Geo. You so sweet.

[squidlips]

Quote:Really nice work on that. Love the lyrics and the tune had me from the very beginning.I think the problem with the ala's is that the melodic and harmonic ideas you have going on, don't quite fit with instrumentation and vocal energy and quality. Vocally and instrumentation I would even say Colbie Caillat. Harmonic and Melodic I imagine a Gwen Stefani - but it would have to be a bit more driving for that.Those are just guesses because like Geo I don't know if I'm very good at picking ala's. The main problem is I can't remember who sings what or even names of songs.I know the song is about "she", but if you had a male sing it and pick it up a bit I could even see it as Alt rock (Maroon 5 maybe?).I like the song in the style you are currently doing it. Although I too was waiting for the build - that never came. Of course that fits in with the idea of the song - anticipation that is never quite fulfilled.Have you thought about getting a custom critique on it to find out where it might fit. I certainly don't have the experience yet to really do justice to the comparisons.Regardless of whether you find an ala for it - it is a beautiful song.TrentHi Trent!Thanks for the suggestions. Neat ideas going on there. I never once thought of Gwen Stefani (don't think anyone's every mentioned her in conjunction with my music before) and the Maroon 5 idea is really interesting. Thanks a bunch, I'm grateful to you for taking the time. I know everyone's really busy these days.