Please review/critique

[johnhampt]

Thanks Casey. I agree that the pre chorus' story line doesn't necessarily fit the story. I just know that some guys ( not me of course ) can be done so wrong by a girl and still love her and want to be with her, even if it only be an intimate encounter. He's alone and calls her and would STILL go to her house to be with her. I was hoping that was implied but perhaps not. Would it help if the line started "I'd still call you on the phone" instead of "when I call you..."? After the brief lead then half chorus, I end on "You never loved me from the start". Maybe that one line could change to explain the turn around of feelings. "Time will mend a broken heart" or something like that. And yes, I copped the idea from Maxwell Silver Hammer. You nailed it. I also thought the song kind of stops needlessly. How about I keep the boogie woogie feel through that part the first time but pause it as is the second time? That way the pause emphasizes the change in direction of the song.

[squidlips]

Well, you can take this with a pound of salt:I used to sing country. A LOT. After an eternity, I came to three conclusions about country songs:1. If you have to explain your lyrics, it's time for a rewrite.2. Men want intimate encounters with women whether they love them or not.3. If they love them and they've been kicked to the curb, the cure usually involves some serious drinking. And probably more encounters (for reference, please see #2). And some explanation as to how they got over it, whether it's buying a new John Deere or keying her car or beating up her old boyfriend or finding Jesus. Men like to know these things. It's of benefit to them.Think of it as educating mankind and you should be fine.

[geo]

Hi ho, Geo here, hey John, checked out your track, outa genre for me so I'll go the production route. The drums (I think I read they are loops) change in dynamics as they change patterns (hi hat very prominent) and gives the impression of different songs cut together, especially when they happen mid verse. I am not familiar with the ins and outs of loops but maybe longer reoccurring loops would work better? My two cents... Geo

[rnrmachine]

Hi JW,I think your song is fun, catchy and could entertain many a drunken folk in the MANY country bars across america. I will wait till ya post the "completed" version before I make any comments on production.Anyone that just reads his lyrics... you really need to listen to the song to take them in context. JW is definitely not trying to save the rain forest, stop global warming or save the whales/dolphins for that matter, with this song. It's just a FUN country song well written to fit in that genre imho.Nice song JW, /high fiveMay we all write up-tempo stuff that fits the genre we are trying for that well when it is our turn at the controls. Simple, fun and clever all rolled into one.RobP.S. I often take my Mom out for dinner for her birthday, Mothersday and such. She pesters me about settling down from time to time. So I bug her back with... So Mom, what do you think of that girl? I think she wants to do my laundry. HEHE

[Casey H]

Quote:Anyone that just reads his lyrics... you really need to listen to the song to take them in context. JW is definitely not trying to save the rain forest, stop global warming or save the whales/dolphins for that matter, with this song. It's just a FUN country song well written to fit in that genre imho.Hi Rob I very much agree that reading lyrics without listening to the song is often very deceiving. For the most part, I stopped commented on lyrics only posts. Many songs have cliches, for example, that work well when in the music but do not provide for a good "read".That being said, everything depends on the goal of the writer. Writing fun, country bar songs that you might play yourself at a gig (for example) is different than professional song pitching to Nashville. The bar is higher than high. I"m assuming John is thinking Nashville. You'll see people post incredibly good country songs here that got 8's, and 9's (maybe some 10's) on their TAXI review, but weren't forwarded because of 1-2 nit picks in the lyrics/story. It's not limited in any way to TAXI. Nashville publishers look for near perfect songs.Another unfortunate fact of life for us songwriters is that publishers often DO read the lyrics before even listening. Many times, if they don't like how it reads, they don't even listen. (I said "publishers", not TAXI screeners who always listen).I'm pretty sure everyone knows the context in which myself and most others review songs.... to help us all get to the "Holy Grail", a cut...J.W. ... It is a good song with catchiness and a number of good elements. It's just not ready for Nashville yet, IMHO... But I think you know that... Race ya all to the Grammy's (or the MTV Awards... Got my bra and panties outfit ready )... Casey

[squidlips]

Casey, I'm tryin' ta eat my breakfast brownie here! An uneasy and yet weirdly intrigued P.S. :Are they all glittery? With tassles? It's all about the bling now.

[johnhampt]

Thanks for everyone's help on this. I listenened to some changes. I added the lead and 3rd harmony part and for now, it's done. On to the next one www.taxi.com/jwhampton