Why I'm Alive - New song for review

[aubreyz]

Okay... I didn't make a trip to Taxi Land... don't have a complaint, apology or conspiracy to speculate about... but I do have a new tune I'd like some feedback on. Ponch and I wrapped this up tonight, and here is the first mix. Even though it's not exactly the typical "love song" type, this song is very autobiographical and gives credit where credit is due. The reason I'm still around on this spinning ball in space is an incredible woman who continues to put up with me.Why I’m AliveDriving around my hometownI saw all the places I let you downAnd I’m wondering why you ever put up with me, yeahThere’s that park where we had the fightWhen I was so drunk I c-couldn’t talk rightSo you took me home passed out in your back seat, yeahWhen I was young and crazyYou were always there (when I needed somebody)But I’ve been thinking latelyI don’t know why you careYou are why I am aliveYou save my lifeWhen I look in your eyesYou are why I’m aliveWon’t you save me from myself tonightSave me from myself tonightI got older but I didn’t grow upI don’t lose my mind nearly as muchBut I still make a fool of myself every now and then, oh wellWhether I’m Jeckell or Mr. HydeYou’re still right there by my sideTo help my get out of every mess I ever get in, againI know I should have said this (I need you)A hundred times before (or maybe a thousand times more)No matter what I say I need you more than I can sayYou are why I am aliveYou save my lifeWhen I look in your eyesYou are why I’m aliveWon’t you save me from myself tonightSave me from myself tonightBaby, save me from myself tonightYou are why I am aliveYou save my lifeWhen I look in your eyesYou are why I’m aliveWon’t you save me from myself tonightYou are why I’m aliveWon’t you save me from myselfWords and Music Copyright 2007 by Aub Delane Robertson and Ponco Satrio

[aubreyz]

So should I be concerned about getting no feedback on Positive Day? Aub

[aubreyz]

Quote:Hi Aub, sorry I didn't catch this sooner. I eat, walk and sleep those dance pop listings and have gotten behind on some of the tunes on here. Your vocals were well performed on this one. I can't gauge the market for this blend of genres, but you have a convincing and consistent good sound. The bgv's are a little loud and the lead vocal is a bit hidden in the mix for my ears, but that is advice from a non producer. With all of that action going on I wonder if you need to carve out more space for the lead vocals. I like to hear the lyrics and I am not able to follow them through the song. The bridge made a good change up and the rhythm of the lyrics worked for me. At the end of the song I couldn't hum the chorus back to myself. I use that as a test for the strength of the chorus hook. I enjoyed the chorus while it was playing, it just didn't stick with me after the first listen or two. I can hum it back now having listened to it a few times. Maybe if you reinforce the melody in the chorus and use a bit more dynamics contrast, it would jump out.Good work. You're going to have a CD's worth of these soon Thanks man. I really appreciate your feedback. This is exactly why I don't like to mix at the end of a long session.My fresh eared listen confirmed a couple of points you made about the mix. I'm really battling vocal balance and try to first err on the low side. I've been doing Advertising stuff for so long now where the vocal or voice over is TOO hot that I'm having to unlearn some habits.Interesting about the chorus melody. This is like the third melody variation so far, and the catchiest yet. Everything is a little crowded though. Thanks for the tips.And about enough for a CD... we're close. The material's there... just need some more production time and tweaking... it shouldn't be long.

[dano]

Hi Aub - Just checking your mp3 out. if you can take some advice from the whipping boy here, i'm offering it. nice song. I like the vox, sounds like mick jagger in a couple of spots. Also some of your harmonic moves and that guitar riff leading into the chorus really remind me of the beatles. I'm also hearing the lead vox too low, they seem to be conflicting with the leftmost guitar. Couldn't tell exactly where that was panned, but it occured to me to pan it farther left, and eq down some of the midrange for the vocals to come through- this is mainly an issue on the chorus. also, in the section between the last 2 chorses, there's a moment before the wah guitar comes in to grab my attention, where it's a bit empty for such a high point in the song. what if you brought that wah guitar line in right away instead of the fade in? also theres a repeated line with an eq effect on it just before a chorus "1000 times..." I can barely hear it. I think the creative eq on it will provide enough of a contrast with the first time it's sung, so you can safely bring the volume up to "i can hear what he's saying" level.hope that' useful,i do appreciate your comments to me on death row over there.cheers,dan

[Casey H]

Hi AubNice vocals here! The overall sound is really good. I like the arrangements, backing vocals, etc... The song starts out fantastic & full of energy and reminded me a bit of Butch Walker (compliment). But the chorus doesn't feel like it lives up to the verse. The energy is lost a bit and I think more of a killer hook is needed to match. Your chorus/hook is very good but it almost feels like it belongs in another song, not this one. In another song it might be just right.I hope this was helpful... Remember I once said the Internet was just a fad that would never take off... Casey

[aubreyz]

Quote:Aub,I had Susie diagnose this one with me as she is a she and I am not. And this is our opinion:Music and production: Great, chorus hook is weak but enjoyable.Vocals: Good - should be forward in the mix.Story: Verse, Very cool - Chorus , very weak.The chorus isn't the truth. The whole idea that you're still alive because you look in her eyes... sounds hokey and fake. This woman's a hero that picks up the pieces as you're falling apart and screwing up, again and again. And the only respect she is given in this chorus is that her eyes remind you of what you've done. Are you saving yourself? Is she a mirror of your guilt? Why you're alive has everything to do with her love, her strength and her belief in you. And this chorus or a future chorus might communicate this better. Thanks guys, nothing personal - Susie just isn't that easily seduced, and to be completely honest... I'm not sure, if or why, I'm still alive. (I kissed her because she hit me )RandyEdit: This quote is what I want to feel in the chorus: "The reason I'm still around on this spinning ball in space is an incredible woman who continues to put up with me."Powerful commentary there Randy, and points well taken. It's funny how something bugs you, and then you kind of give up trying to fix it --- only to be reminded that you weren't really happy with it in the first place.I have yet to be satisfied with the chorus. What you are asking for is exactly what I wanted to say, but settled for less.Mix points from all are well noted too. Like I said, this was a 1st mix, so I knew there were some issues.Casey -- good insight as always.Dano, good suggestions. In fact the guitars were panned harder, and at the last minute I went back to about 60% panned. I also took some shortcuts and didn't eq the guitars to fit better with each other and or the vocals._________I'm curious as to what if any part of the chorus IS working... the BGV of "I am alive" are getting lost in this mix, but there was a cool almost ELO thing happening there. The only line I'm actually happy with is... on second thought, I'll keep my opinion until maybe hearing some others.I don't intend to settle for anything here... this one is important---Aub

[aubreyz]

and btw--- here's a link for my mp3 challenged friend HJ Why I'm Alive

[nomiyah]

AubI may be too late commenting on this one (before you're on to a new song ) but I did give it a listen. Overall I enjoyed the mood and I like the concept. Some nice wording on the verses.Lyrics to work on:"But I’ve been thinking lately / I don’t know why you care" made me wonder why lately? Did something happen that made him start thinking about it?"When I look in your eyes" is my least favorite line, a cliche in a power position in the chorus."Save me" is said 3 times in the chorus. I wouldn't repeat a phrase in the chorus unless it's the hook.The hook melody and production will sound fine if it's just focused better, take out some of the overproduction to focus on the melody.I know you like blending the vocals in but I was unable to understand most of the lyrics when I listened before reading.Though I said a lot, I don't think it's that far from being good. Nice one!!!Nomi

[aubreyz]

Quote:AubI may be too late commenting on this one (before you're on to a new song ) but I did give it a listen. Overall I enjoyed the mood and I like the concept. Some nice wording on the verses.Lyrics to work on:"But I’ve been thinking lately / I don’t know why you care" made me wonder why lately? Did something happen that made him start thinking about it?"When I look in your eyes" is my least favorite line, a cliche in a power position in the chorus."Save me" is said 3 times in the chorus. I wouldn't repeat a phrase in the chorus unless it's the hook.The hook melody and production will sound fine if it's just focused better, take out some of the overproduction to focus on the melody.I know you like blending the vocals in but I was unable to understand most of the lyrics when I listened before reading.Though I said a lot, I don't think it's that far from being good. Nice one!!!NomiThanks Nomi. You are not too late and your observations are dead on. I've had a crazy week so far and am out for a location shoot for the next few days, so no recording progress has been made yet on this one, but I think the ideas for the fix are pretty close. I should be able to post an update by Monday. We have several songs in process now, so it is likely that a few will hit completion at once. I'm hoping to have three more in the can by the end of next week.Aub

[billg]

Hi Aub, GREAT SONG! I'm also coming in late on this so this has already been said but . . . up with the lead vocal, down with the backrnd vocals = great damn song/track! -billg-