Request for feedback - "Broken"

[superflux]

Hey folks,We're still at it. Any feedback would be appreciated.www.broadjam.com/CaraHaysThanks,Steve** ... ****Broken - Hays/Chapman 2005Verse 1:I don't wear envy wellMy complexion's much too fairSo I strike a stoic poseWon't let your friends see my despairThen I take the bus back homeJust to find the DVR taping your favorite showAnd now I knowChorus:That I've been brokenby somebody that I loved onceFalling apart right at the seamsBeat up like the car that you drove off inWith all my dreamsI don't want the world to seeThat I've been brokenVerse 2:So I found an apartmentacross town from our old placeAnd I hoped a change of scenewould fade the image of your faceAnd even though I know I shouldBreak away from my routine of missing youWhat can I do?ChorusBridge:Who wants to be the unfortunate friendGoing through a rough break-upYour decision's put me where I amSo now I hide behind my make-upThat I've been brokenI've been brokenDouble Chorus

[sounddesign3]

Hey guys! The first thing that catches my attention is that the mix is mono. Maybe a re-mix or re-upload in stereo. Seems its lacking the power that a song like this should have. I think maybe because the instruments in the song are a little lost due to the mono mix. Overall I like the song. Thanks

[walter327]

Hey, Super.The music is good and you have a nice voice. Only problem is, I can't understand the lyrics. One thing my old chorus teacher used to beat into our heads was ennunciate, ennunciate. Having the lyrics written is nice. If you're riding down the road listening to the radio, reading the words could be dangerous, though ( But, I've seen people do worse behind the wheel ).Good thought behind the song. Hope I don't offend. Just tryin' to be a help.Walter327

[sgs4u]

mono mix confirmed.

[arkjack]

I like what you've done in the new version that I see on broadjam. I like the structure as well and agree with shak on a lot of his points. particularly the part about being more country. And I think its got potential in the contemporary country. Maaybe experiment with production in a different key that brings your vocal energy up.... my critique disclaimer applies.....ArkJack

[summeoyo]

I listened to "Broken" and more. I think there's potential here."Broken" lyrics didn't sound the same as the lyrics you posted at Taxi.com. I'll amplify the suggestion to enunciate. By the way I've written a couple songs for a female artist. I used to be a performer myself (novelty songs). I have some songs (Wanna Lover and I'm A Dancin' Fool) at www.broadjam.com/Summeoyothat you may want to check out. You can contact me using the email address provided there if there is an interest in adding them to your repertoire.

[tom123]

I enjoyed your music on Broadjam. It made me think that you'd sound great on a tune of mine called "I'll Set You Free." You should give it a quick listen, and let me know if you'd like for me to email you the instrumental version. With your vocals on it instead of mine, it could be a big hit!Tomhttp://www.broadjam.com/tomjackson