Feedback request: Ramblin' Road

[arkjack]

I guess its never too soon or too late to start getting some input. Hopefully when I paste the links in here you'll be able to get to the song at my broadjam page. The song is Ramblin'Road, one of my agony projects.... I am interested in any comments at all.... lyric...production.... structure ... marketablilty.... what works what doesn't. the biggest crises I'm having right now is that after fifty million takes on the vocal and a fair amount of pitch correction this seems to be the best vocal I can get these days..... I must've lost that voice somewhere.... its fallen and can't get up... heres the link....http://www.broadjam.com/transmit/transm ... sq=1V1Well I just keep wonderin how that woman must feel, the thoughts won’t leave my mindI can still remember the look on her face, the morning I told her good-byeHer tears flowed, standing at the door, she cried me a riverBut I couldn’t see the reason whyWhy I loved her in the first place, she was just another face,Another stop along the rambling roadR1Come on’ Carry me along Ramblin’ RoadRollin on my eighteen wheelsAnd help me write a song about a long time agoAnd how a brokenhearted rambler feelsV2Well I have a run from Dallas through Memphis Tennessee, at night I play with bands in the barsI meet a lot of pretty ladies, but they don’t really turn me onAll I do is drink and play guitarCause every night I catch a whiff of a young girl’s perfume, it makes me rememberThat beautiful girl and the way I broke her heartWas she just another woman, or another pretty face?Or a reason to stop rollin’ down this Ramblin’ RoadRepeat R1BridgeI know I feel a little painBut they say you can’t tie a rambler down with a chainEven though sometimes I feel like I’m lyin’ to my heartWhen I say , “I didn’t really love her”V3Well time keeps on passin and I’m still on the road, thinkin’ bout that girl once more.There’s memories that I recall a dozen times a day,But I can’t remember what I left her for.But if I go back to that town, that bar, that girlWill she slap my face and just boot me out the door?Would she take me in her arms and invite me to her place?And ask me to stop rollin’ down this Ramblin’ RoadRepeat R1But I know you’re gonna…. Thanks in advanceArkJack

[Casey H]

AJIt sounds like this would fit into the traditional country genre, a bit on the ol' fashioned country side. Now, this is not my genre, I'm a rock guy, so keep that in mind.I think the verses are a little long in the middle, they start to labor a bit and could be trimmed. For example, "Her tears flowed, standing at the door, she cried me a river But I couldn’t see the reason why" could be cut down.Personally, I don't get excited by songs that say all the stuff that's been said before- the ramblin', the 18 wheeler, etc. It takes something with a touch of uniqueness to catch my interest. I'm sure many A&R folks feel the same way. The production and vocal on this track are at the rough demo level, a level at which you could take it to a professional studio/demo service and get a quality track. As is, you couldn't pitch it.As far as pitching to artists, country music is the hardest with Nashville being virtually closed to outsiders and having incredibly high standards. I don't think this would be special enough to get interest, even if it could get heard.Now, if you had it professionally produced you might have a shot for film/TV replacement tracks- sometimes they are looking for type of song that sounds like or has the feel of a more known song. Also, there could be a scene somewhere where they want a song about ramblin' down the road in the background. It would be an expensive venture for you and a long shot regarding results. (Most things are a long shot in this biz).So, where does it leave you? Keep getting feedback on the songwriting itself and don't worry about the production. When you get in honed as a song, and some good, reliable sources think it's "there", consider a professional demo or a collaboration with someone who could produce a demo.BTW, I can't sing for sh*t... All my tracks are by hired pros.Regards, Casey

[walter327]

Hey, AJ.It's a bit long. Then again I argue with myself all the time on this. Ya gotta get the story told, beginning to end, and if you cut anything out, it ain't whole. So whatta ya gonna do. I like the chorus especially, 'cause it makes yer foot tap without even thinkin' about it. I ain't no pro. Just a jerk with an opinion ( and you know what they say about opinions).Walter327

[sounddesign3]

AJ. My dad is a truck driver, and you know how they like this kinda music. But, like its been said the vocal performance is only a little better mine. That is the first thing I notice, and I'm pretty sure its a biggy. Keep truck'n brotha!!