And now for something completely different

[aubreyz]

... anybody else old enough to remember that Monty Python transition?As part of my songwriting exercises lately, I tried something totally out of the box for me. Here is the listing target:Great POP/CLASSICAL CROSSOVER SONGS in the range of Josh Groban, Andrew Lloyd Webber, etc. are needed by the Head of A&R at a Major Record Label for a young Male artist who is a classically trained vocalist. He’s open lyrically - but your songs must be very-well written and have the crossover potential that this A&R exec. is seeking. They need hit songs.A link to my attempt is below as well as the lyrics. I would like to have been able to spend some more time on the arrangement, but this is all I could get done before the deadline. Your input is appreciated, as always.You Taught Me To FlyVs1I was lost but I didn't knowI was broken but it didn't showHiding in the dark like a wounded childSafe in the shadow of denialBut I caught a glimpse of the light in your eyesAs you pulled back my curtain of liesThat's when I finally recognizedYou were an angel in disguiseChorusYou taught me to flyWhen I didn't trust my wingsYou showed me the skyWas no limit to my dreamsI'd never left the ground beforeYou believed in me to soar so highYou taught me how to flyOver mountains in my lifeYou taught me how to flyVs2You gave me the hope to reach for truthI felt so strong when I held on to you We climbed higher than I'd ever beenBut suddenly you let go of my handI started to fall from the weight of my fearsBut somewhere inside a strength appearedI found the faith you had in my wingsNow I can rise up to anythingRepeat ChorusCopyright 2006 by Aub Delane

[dada]

Hey Aub,I don't think we're that old yet, but MP was a favorite... Just finished my spam dinner and listened to your track... I must say that this is a big endeavor after hearing your other stuff... First thoughts for me as a listener is the lyrics sound like they struggle to fit in the verses, not all, but most...Your voice kind of caught me off guard at the beginning (again after hearing your other stuff), but as the track went on you sold it better and better.. Instrumentation and mix sounded pretty good to me (not my bag, of course)... The biggest spot of attention, again I think shows in the verse lyric and melody line fitting like it should throughout the piece... The chorus fit better, although I felt like you could have went bigger in a few spots...Anyhow, nice work overall... kudos to you for branching into unknown territory... Gotta go, the spam is burning..Later,Dave

[kevinmathie]

Hey Aub,Even though you asked for my critique on this song on the other thread (Extreme Sports), I thought I'd answer over here. Also, I'm going to restrict my comments to the music, because I don't feel comfortable enough with my skill as a lyricist to give any kind of critique.First of all, nice job. Your song has a nice hook on the title phrase, and it has nice builds throughout. I can't remember if you said it was forwarded or not. I sort of seem to remember that you said it wasn't forwarded (correct me if I'm mistaken on this!). If it wasn't forwarded, it may not have been a result of the music, because I like the music.The only changes I would have made in the music are minor, although I think would be significant to the performer. But, these aren't make-or-break type changes.The first minor change I would make is the next to last note of your hook. Right now, "You taught me to fly" is (using Solfege) "do re mi do sol", so we step up the scale until just the last second, at which point we change direction downward, and then jump up for the next note.That isn't necessarily bad, but the words are "You taught me to fly". In my opinion, if the melody kept it's linear journey up the scale -- do re me fa sol -- it creates the musical equivelant of taking flight.In essense, it's word painting. Your piece already has a little bit of word painting. I noticed that the word "high" was the highest note in the phrase "You believed in me to soar so high". But, I think you could think along those same lines for some of the other important phrases. I know that word painting isn't used in pop music very much, but it is used, subtley, in musical theatre and classical music quite a bit. From a musical theatre perspective, it's a great tool that I think helps both the singer and audience connect to the lyrics and the meaning behind the lyrics -- since musical theatre lyrics are more important than the music in the context of a play. It just has to be really subtle (unlike the word painting found in Renaissance madrigals! ). Also, I didn't count up how many phrases ended with the notes going down and how many phrases ended with the notes going up, but it seemed like there were a lot of phrases that kept going down.Again, since the song is about flying, taking wing, climbing, escaping the ground, soaring, etc., it's a little incongruent to my ear to be constantly brought back to earth by musical phrases that end in a downward direction.Of course, I wouldn't want every phrase going up, since that would be tiresome, too. But I think changing a few more of the lines would be helpful, to me, at least.I don't know if any of this is helpful to you. Like I've said before, it's not like I've had a hit song, and am some kind of authority. But, I work with music like this every day (I'm a musical director for a musical theatre company), and these are the types of things I look for in songs that help me help the singers interpret the songs to their fullest.It's a good song as it is, though. In my opinion, at least.

[aubreyz]

Quote:Hey Aub,.....The first minor change I would make is the next to last note of your hook. Right now, "You taught me to fly" is (using Solfege) "do re mi do sol", so we step up the scale until just the last second, at which point we change direction downward, and then jump up for the next note.That isn't necessarily bad, but the words are "You taught me to fly". In my opinion, if the melody kept it's linear journey up the scale -- do re me fa sol -- it creates the musical equivelant of taking flight....Also, I didn't count up how many phrases ended with the notes going down and how many phrases ended with the notes going up, but it seemed like there were a lot of phrases that kept going down.Again, since the song is about flying, taking wing, climbing, escaping the ground, soaring, etc., it's a little incongruent to my ear to be constantly brought back to earth by musical phrases that end in a downward direction.Of course, I wouldn't want every phrase going up, since that would be tiresome, too. But I think changing a few more of the lines would be helpful, to me, at least.I don't know if any of this is helpful to you. Like I've said before, it's not like I've had a hit song, and am some kind of authority. But, I work with music like this every day (I'm a musical director for a musical theatre company), and these are the types of things I look for in songs that help me help the singers interpret the songs to their fullest.It's a good song as it is, though. In my opinion, at least.Kevin,Thanks for the very helpful input. Prosody is something that I have been working on - making the melody and rhythm flow more naturally with the lyric. The original intent was to have the verse melody resolving down to create a distinction from the chorus. In hindsight, the verse melody doesn't create the right anticipation for the chorus lift, and the chorus lift could be enhanced.The lyrics need some work as well -- some things are still awkward and somewhat forced. I'm concerned that the whole "You Taught Me to Fly" concept may not be unique enough and seems too cliche.I'm going to chew and stew a bit before deciding if this song is worth a rewrite. It was more of a songwriting exercise. If I were grading the exercise results, now with fresh ears, I'd give it a B-.Thanks again,Aub

[gitarrero]

Aub,...yes I'm damned old enough to know that monty pyton transition... uuuhh.. I'm 26..)the song:not really my genre - though here some spontaneous feedback: In the first parts of the song the music sounds a little midi-like - it's better starting about 1:25.the hook itself (.."you thaught me to fly". ..hope I spelled it right) isn't that bad, but the music around it doesn't really support it - I miss that "getting open" when the chorus comes in as well as some realism in the instrumentation.as I said - not really my genre & spontaneous feedback;)

[aubreyz]

Mikey,Very helpful input. At some point I intend to rework this. I think there is some potential there, but it's not hitting the mark in several ways right now - the lyric flow is one major area.Your suggestions are dead on. Thanks for taking the time to listen and respond.Aub

[mikeydom]

Hi Aub,can I offer a couple more suggestions? It's about stage musicals really. I think it's very difficult to write a song with this sort of mood in a verse - chorus format. If you notice, most of the big songs from musicals don't have choruses, just big verses with a strong lyric line that the song returns to over and over again. Occasionally you get a verse that leads into a bridge but hardly ever a chorus (as such). 'Memories' from Cats is just a big verse into a bridge and then at some point transposes. 'Smile' I think is a fantastic song (so simple), however there are no bridges or choruses!!! it just transposes from verse to verse. I just think you've chosen the hardest format to write to (besides, verse-bridge-chorus). Song writing is so much easier when you can kick off straight away with the best bits rather than hope the listener is going to have the courtesy to wait for a chorus (the pay off). The general public will only wait if you're famous!!!!! Sometimes, it works if you stand a song on it's head, throw away the verses (or keep them for spare parts), use the chorus as your first verse, then use some of your spare parts to create a bridge. This also gives you the natural progression to have an instrumental if you want one. I can't speak for you, but I find the simplicity of these formats incredibly liberating because you need so much less, in terms of music and lyrics (less is often better), to put your music together and you can focus on quality rather than quantity. I hate that feeling of trying to find lyrics for verse 3 and 4 and know that I'm compromising! With verse-verse-bridge, it feels totally natural to find yourself back to where you started dishing out the pay off. I could go on and on and on about this subject...but I won't. Don't take this as advise, it's just my opinion and observation. I think it's worth looking at how some great songs are structured. It's so easy to miss the obvious. While on the subject of Hal David.....most of these Burt Bacharach songs don't have choruses....verse - verse- bridge et etc.

[horacejesse]

Mikey,Great analysis and some interesting ideas. I hadn't thought of it before that big tunes from musicals usually don't have choruses. I guess I don't spend enough time with the genre. But the observation is cool, even huge.

[horacejesse]

I already realized the practice was widespread. I just didn't realize it extended to big songs from musicals. In fact, are you quite sure about this as a semi-general rule?