I'LL TAKE THE FIFTH

[lyricboy]

I cross-posted this on collabs, but I hope to get some feedback here.Sounds like Trace Adkins, Travis Tritt with a hint off jazz in the guitar (at least, that's the music in my head).Let me know what you think.I’LL TAKE THE 5TH©2008V 1 I said “What are ya - some kinda joker?You know she don’t ‘llow me - to drink and play poker”That’s all I recall - sayin’ to my buddyAfter that it all really - gets kinda muddyI crept through my front door - a strugglin’ to standAs I turned around – (with my) Jim Beam in hand (then)CHORUS1 She started grillin’ me Like an attorney (She said) “You’ll have to choose Is it me or the booze You wanna live with?”……… (I said) “Your Honor I’ll take the fifth”BRIDGE (spoken) Well apparently that was the wrong thing to say Next thing I knew I was lookin’ for a place to stayV 2 I’m out drivin’ ‘round – (in) the middle of the night Handlebar in my left hand – Jim Beam in my right I got pulled over – by an overzealous cop Coulda won AFV – try’n’ to get my Schwinn stopped I said “Officer - what were ya thinkin’? Din’t ya see my bottle? - Of course I been drinkin’!”CHORUS 2 He started grillin’ me Like an attorney (He said), “You’ll have to choose. Is it your bike or the booze You wanna leave with?”……… (I said) “Your Honor I’ll take the fifth”BRIDGE (spoken) And I’m guessin’ that answer didn’t sail ‘Cuz next thing I knew I was sittin’ in jail V 3 I was examined up and down - and examined acrossJudge said “Why’re ya here?” - I said “I’m at a loss”It seemed like he liked me - least I thought soIt seemed like he might - just let me go(But) when I slid out my bottle - for a little sip You shoulda seen his eyes - and his quiverin’ lipCHORUS 3 (The) Judge was glarin’ at me Worse than the attorney (He said) “You’ll have to choose. Is it jail or the booze? Let’s get this over with!”………BRIDGE (sung) And I KNOW you know That after much deliberation And after due consideration That fin’lly me, myself, and I’d Unanimously decide To take the fifth! (I said) “Your Honor I’ll take the fifth” Now I don’t have to choose ‘Cuz I kept my booze I took the fifth! FADE I’ll take the fifth… I took the fifth… I’ll take the fifth…

[lyricboy]

Lyricboy,I like your hook.My biggest concern is, is the song TOO long. What's it time out at?Also, the chorus and verse might be too much the same.

[lyricboy]

Hmmmmm....Good point. I'll have to time it. I haven't done that yet. Good idea.I DID think of that about the chorus and verse structure. (We seem to think a lot alike ) I thought that the chorus had a tighter enough rhyme scheme to make a difference. The verse is ABCBDEFEGHIH (if you space it out) and the chorus is AABBCC. And I figured the changeup musically would be strong enough to bring it all to rights.I wonder what everyone else thinks.

[littlestfly]

Hey lryic boy, I am by no means the best song writer and being new here myself i tend to read a lot of songs but not always critique although i should more then i do. but i read your song a few times. i know its funny and there is a good hook in it (I'll take the fifth) i like the way you told the story although i think it is a little long but i think being sung at the right speed (faster then normal) will be fine. so i am going to lay out what i think. I can hear this song being sung on the radio with just a few fixes.I could go on about syllable counts but without knowing the music its hard for me to do there are a few places i would change but hey the music is in your head not mine hahahah. IMO here u go. i'll put what i think on the line to the right of your song. first of all you should put a copyright sign by your title with your name, although people on here are really nice and i doubt anyone would try to steal it. but u should be careful if u dont know how to get it. hold the ALT button and while holding it type 0169 then let go of the button i did it for you below best of luck......craig please check out my post let me know what u think...... I'LL TAKE THE FIFTH © lyricboy 2009« Thread Started on Jan 22, 2009, 10:20am » --------------------------------------------------------------------------------I cross-posted this on collabs, but I hope to get some feedback here.Sounds like Trace Adkins, Travis Tritt with a hint off jazz in the guitar (at least, that's the music in my head).Let me know what you think.I’LL TAKE THE 5TH©2008V 1 I said “What are ya - some kinda joker?You know she don’t ‘llow me - to drink and play poker”That’s all I recall - sayin’ to my buddyAfter that it all really - gets kinda muddyI crept through my front door - a strugglin’ to standAs I turned around – (with my) Jim Beam in hand(then)CHORUS1 She started grillin’ meLike an attorney(She said) “You’ll have to chooseIs it me or the boozeYou wanna live with?”………(I said) “Your Honor I’ll take the fifth” ---- (instead how about honey i'll take the fifth?)BRIDGE (spoken) Well apparently that was the wrong thing to sayNext thing I knew I was lookin’ for a place to stayV 2 I’m out drivin’ ‘round – (in) the middle of the nightHandlebar in my left hand – Jim Beam in my rightI got pulled over – by an overzealous copCoulda won AFV – try’n’ to get my Schwinn stoppedI said “Officer - what were ya thinkin’?Din’t ya see my bottle? - Of course I been drinkin’!”CHORUS 2 He started grillin’ meLike an attorney(He said), “You’ll have to choose.Is it your bike or the boozeYou wanna leave with?”………(I said) “Your Honor I’ll take the fifth”---- (how about officer ill take the fifth)BRIDGE (spoken) And I’m guessin’ that answer didn’t sail‘Cuz next thing I knew I was sittin’ in jail V 3 I was examined up and down - and examined acrossJudge said “Why’re ya here?” - I said “I’m at a loss”It seemed like he liked me - least I thought soIt seemed like he might - just let me go(But) when I slid out my bottle - for a little sipYou shoulda seen his eyes - and his quiverin’ lipCHORUS 3 (The) Judge was glarin’ at meWorse than the attorney(He said) “You’ll have to choose.Is it jail or the booze?Let’s get this over withBRIDGE (sung) And I KNOW you knowThat after much deliberationAnd after due considerationThat fin’lly me, myself, and I’dUnanimously decideTo take the fifth!(I said) “Your Honor I’ll take the fifth”Now I don’t have to choose‘Cuz I kept my boozeI took the fifth!FADE I’ll take the fifth…I took the fifth…I’ll take the fifth…

[lyricboy]

Craig-Thanks for taking the time. I appreciate it.You must be a mindreader or something. It IS a fairly fast tempo song. And my original hand-scratched lyric has "HONEY" right where you said. I still sometimes sing that in my head instead of "Your Honor". The reason I changed it was to stick with one rendering for the hook line. It also, in my opinion, heightens the sort of smarta$$ quality I was trying to give the singer.Chime in, everyone! What do you think?I will post up the audio once I get 'round to setting up a host account somewhere.

[littlestfly]

my bad lryic boy i now see the copyright sign.....craig

[silvercord]

hehe cracked me up.. i like it!

[lyricboy]

Thanks, Geoff. Music IS a drug. (No problem, Craig)

[momof4]

very amusing story...i can definitely hear it in the genre you described!