so close to calling it quits.

[ochaim]

But I came back.

I dunno what it was, the past few months I've been MIA from my basement studio. Rethinking what the f*ck I'm doing down there for hours on end, for what. It feels like a whole lotta nothin.

I may have let the returns get to me in november thru december.

But the more I thought of leaving it all behind me, it became even more unsettling.

Its hard to break a 20 year habit of making music.

Then I thought of the placements outside of taxi I got the last quarter. And I thought of the one forward from october that lead to it being used on the same reality show in a few subsequent episodes.

So I just took that for what it was worth and with a grain of salt. I had none of that happening for me 3 years ago.

I wish I could say I'm back with a vengeance, but I'm not. All I know is this is what I do. Making rap music and figuring things out is what makes me tick, returned or forwarded.

The last nudge to get me back was that there were lots of interesting rap listings this month. I get to pretend I'm ice cube for a couple days this month.

Anybody else find themselves on that edge in your music careers?

Owen

[Mark Kaufman]

Everyone does...and the ones who don't are lying.

Whatever the reason, and however long the feeling lasts, it's always a new song that brings me back. Everyone who has ever written music has felt some enjoyment of the creative process, and all the power of the music comes from that enjoyment. I say let go of the doubt and get back to working on something new and fun. Nothing colors your perceptions better than a fresh start, and luckily for us, every new piece is a fresh start.

[mazz]

I get regular ASCAP checks, have been for the past 5 years. The problem is, they aren't getting "paying the rent" size fast enough. I viewed today's check with mixed emotions. I feel blessed to be getting paid for my music while I sleep, basically, and I get impatient because I want to make faster progress towards an early retirement from my day gig. It also gives me pause for a minute or two when I think about all the work that went into creating that music!! Once the checks do get "big enough", I'm sure there will be other issues that make me think twice about all of this.

I don't think those feelings ever go away, IMO it's how we deal with them, or not, that makes or breaks our careers.

Hang in there and honor your feelings, they can be immobilizing or motivating, and the choice is yours!

I empathize with you!!

Mazz

PS: After work tonight, back in the studio..............no matter what!!

[Len911]

Ok, so you're either a manic depressive or a musician!

[NYWest]

Owen...my friend
What you need to do is...

Go to your biggest mirror...
Listen to your own song "Dreams"...(Great song! Says it all...)
Point your index finger at your reflection...
Do your best "You Talkin' to me?" Deniro impersonation...
Then...
Scream at yourself for NOT ...
Believing in yourself...
Smile now Laugh

Breathe life into your own song "Dreams"...

Just my psychic vision...
All the Best...
Billy

[DesireInspires]

Cut it out, dude. You aren't going to quit.

[coachdebra]

But I came back.

I dunno what it was, the past few months I've been MIA from my basement studio. Rethinking what the f*ck I'm doing down there for hours on end, for what. It feels like a whole lotta nothin.

I may have let the returns get to me in november thru december.

But the more I thought of leaving it all behind me, it became even more unsettling.

Its hard to break a 20 year habit of making music.

Then I thought of the placements outside of taxi I got the last quarter. And I thought of the one forward from october that lead to it being used on the same reality show in a few subsequent episodes.

So I just took that for what it was worth and with a grain of salt. I had none of that happening for me 3 years ago.

I wish I could say I'm back with a vengeance, but I'm not. All I know is this is what I do. Making rap music and figuring things out is what makes me tick, returned or forwarded.

The last nudge to get me back was that there were lots of interesting rap listings this month. I get to pretend I'm ice cube for a couple days this month.

Anybody else find themselves on that edge in your music careers?

Owen

Hey Owen,
Since you are getting some messages from the Universe that you have something going for you, I have to ask - what is it you are telling yourself that is creating the feeling of discouragement? What are you focusing on?

Shift that and you'll feel better. Focus on what you are creating. Focus on the results you've achieved (however baby step they are). Focus on the joy you experience in the midst of the birth pains of creation.

HTH,
Debra

[ochaim]

Mark, NYWest, DesireInspires, thanks so much for the encouragement and advice, guys.

Mazz, you get me. That lens you see your PRO cheques is the same one I use that colours my assessment of how far my journey in music licensing has been the past 3-4 years.

Yes, Len. I am.

You're right, Desire Inspires, I think really, deep down inside I know I'm not going to quit, I admit I was kidding myself.

That quitting voice has always been there, as it is, I'm sure, for a lot of artists. But it's something I've always ignored, and I let down my guard and gave it a chance to speak the past few months. To the point that I found myself avoiding the studio all together.

Debra, I'll have to work on letting it be and move past it when it gets in the way.

Thanks for allowing me to share this, I don't really have any other outlet to express this valley I'm finding myself a way out of.

The comments above have really helped me. Thanks so much.

Sincerely,

Owen.

[mojobone]

I honestly wasn't going to reply in this thread, but no, I never question. I believe I was made for a purpose, and I believe I'm honestly fit for no other. I can write, dance and act, but my wants and talents are best suited for my chosen profession; it took me long enough to work it out, I'm unlikely to change, but I reserve the right, if circumstance should force my hand. On the other, if I should get run over by a bus and paralyzed, I'll probably be the best paraplegic musician I know how to be

[ruthgree]

O, I have been there many times, including recently. The thrill is gone. Have recently begun to rewiden my circle, invite collaborators in. Sometimes I think that queasy, nothing feels right feeling is a sign that I'm gonna shed my musical skin that's too tight and dead (like my gecko does), have some sort of breakthrough. It's the old pushing-the-wall-for-weeks-and-one-day-it-moves thing. There's something about this process that induces amnesia, because I forget the reason for my unease. Time to go way outside my usual, I guess. It's good to be around people like you who understand, who are honest about it.

I'm a new member, not convinced my own spare studio recordings will cut it, although I'm eager not to have to do demos like I have for other songs that have been cut. Anyway, hope it gets better. At least TO is a powerful gathering point for music from all over the world...maybe you need a new spice in your kitchen.