Creativity During Titration!

[ernstinen]

Hello My Good Friends,Here's a quick update: I've been VERY creative, although nervous and hallucinating a bit, during my titration off of Ambien and Klonopin. I've pinpointed Klonopin as the major factor, and wake up shaking like a leaf. Nevertheless, I've been writing a Woodwind Quintet (with an English Horn in place of the Clarinet), and have taken a TON of photos! ---- I've never been in this place before, and understand how Van Gogh cut off his ear (half-joking! ).But I think the moral to this story is you have to decide, sometime in your life, what is most important to you.For me (a substance abuser but more importantly an artist), is that I have to decide between using drugs (mine is alcohol) versus being a creative artist. From your PMs, I have gotten a lot of encouragement about being an artist.During this time, I've taken a lot of photos, some happy, some sad. But my artistic hero, John Lennon, went through the same stuff, as well as many other artists. I really appreciate creative people that are "real" with their emotions, and are not afraid to portray them in both positive and negative ways.Here's some photos, with my comments:Would your rather wake up in the morning seeing this:Or seeing this:Would you want your portrait looking like this:Or like this:Would you want your visual perception look like this:Or like this:Take it from me, my good friends! It's really up to you, despite your genetics which may take you down the beaten path. I KNOW all about genes, and it's true. ---- Here's my last photo of a picture I painted when I was 7-years-old about a "disturbed man."My best to you all,Ern

[trentoliphant]

Thanks for sharing this Ern. My thoughts and prayers are with you.P.S. Love the tomato-lemon or is it lemon-tomato?

[ernstinen]

Sept 5, 2009, 1:56pm, trentoliphant wrote:Thanks for sharing this Ern. My thoughts and prayers are with you.P.S. Love the tomato-lemon or is it lemon-tomato?Thanks, Trent! You're my new good buddy --- The photo is actually "tomatoes-on-the-vine" with a lemon on the same plate! Looks like they grew together, doesn't it!? Here's another symbolic photo: "Water And Wine" is my new title!I'm aware that y'all are getting tired of this personal drama, but I don't where else to turn. I know there's 100's of websites, but I LIKE YOU GUYS! A very compassionate group of artists.My latest realization is that the rehab place that told me to "Just get off of Klonopin and Ambien before we admit you" is VERY misguided. I'm looking elsewhere. --- The withdrawal symptoms for K&A are 1000 times worse than alcohol, IMHO. How a medical doctor could prescribe Klonopin for 6 YEARS and not tell me about the consequences is bordering on malpractice! I've been in a living hell, with no medical treatment, no help, no nothing. Just sleeping and sweating, with shaking and convulsions. WAY worse than alcohol withdrawal.I now understand Lennon's "Cold Turkey" and his 1st solo album personally. Why a medical community would do this to me is a mystery. I can't believe they'd be so negligent.I personally want to thank you so much for your support. It means a lot to me! God bless you all.Love,Ern

[suzdoyle]

Hey Ern --I appreciate your updates -- and am excited to see your photography and art. BRAVO!My daughter was on Klonopin for a short time after her car accident, and it really made her wonky.She found that using an alpha-stim (electrical currents that reprogram brainwaves via the earlobes) really helped her deal with the withdrawal from it -- and detoxing with raw food also helped (for what it's worth).Wishing you positive steps forward. And we're here for you, dear one.BIG HUGS!Suz

[manyunk]

I know Ern...coming off of Paxil myself...years after beating the whole substance thing. The prescription drug withdrawal is WAY worse than the alcohol or any of the rest of it. I was thinking the same thing, why would a doctor or drug company lie to me. They give you a drug and , never mention, oh by the way, you will probably never be able to stop taking this stuff without some sort of psychotic break.It's horrible some days. I'm using L Glutamine, and some Fish oil to help with the side effects. A non narcotic drug for neuropathy Gabapentin helps a lot. It's actually withdrawal's worst enemy. 10 years clean and sober, and in one more month, no more prescription nonsense either...Keep going Ern...everyday gets better,,,it's actually pretty cool on this side of sobriety...Peace,Mario

[ernstinen]

Thanks Suz & Mario! And Mario, welcome to the club, so to speak! I hope you all are writing up a storm. That's my whole point. Don't let anything get in your way of creating!I wrote my whole "Symphony No. 1" stone cold sober. My therapist said "See! You can do this!" She was right.I have written a lot of other music since then, in different states of mind --- some good, some bad. But when I listen back to music I wrote with a clear mind, I think "Hey, that's ME!"THAT'S what I want to get back to. I'll get there soon, with some support. The real me. I won't care if people like it or not --- it's the way an artist should be, IMHO.Thanks for all your comments!Best,Ern

[mojobone]

Hang tough, Ern. I know Klonopin withdrawal's a bitch; my ex girlfriend had to be hospitalized-that you're doing this outside an institution is a crime, but you can sue somebody after you clear your head. Like we said back in the day, ya jes' got to keep on truckin'.

[manyunk]

I've been lurking on these boards now for about 4 plus years. I learn a lot reading here, but to much involvement keeps me from writing. I found that everything I did well when I was high..I did even better, with more sincerity, when I was sober. The focus kinda wanders every so often, but, thats another issue. Just keep moving Ern...just keep moving

[ernstinen]

Sept 6, 2009, 9:39am, mojobone wrote:Hang tough, Ern. I know Klonopin withdrawal's a bitch; my ex girlfriend had to be hospitalized-that you're doing this outside an institution is a crime, but you can sue somebody after you clear your head. Like we said back in the day, ya jes' got to keep on truckin'. Thanks Rev. Mojo! I totally agree with you after going through a week of absolute hell. I'd PM you the rest, but since I've laid everything else out anyway to my friends here, this is the latest:Yup, it IS a crime that both my MD and the center just basically said "Get Over It!" Total malpractice, in my book.So I called another facility tonight, and told the guy what I've been going through. He said "totally unacceptable!" and I agree. I've booked a consultation after Labor Day (on Tues.) and may go in the same night. --- I told the receptionist that their facility was really close to my studio, and he said "What!" I repeated the comment, and he said "Man, I'M a musician, and have a band! Will wonders never cease --- let's talk when you come in!" It's a small world --- But in L.A. EVERYONE'S a musician! Your reporter,Ern