Not Meant To Be [Songwriter Demo]

[magicjuani]

Hello everyone,
I’m a Paris-based songwriter seeking worlwide exciting collaborations!
I recently wrote a home demo called No 'Meant To Be’.

You can listen to it here: https://soundcloud.com/juancerrasongwriter

Feel free to comment on the lyrics and the melody of the song (however, please don’t be too critical on my vocals, it is just a rough recording made for the singer)

LYRICS:

I guess we are no ‘meant to be’
That’s what you’re not telling me
But it’s been written in your eyes
That we haven’t the closest ties
I’ve been tryin’ to follow you
Tryin’ to get a rendez-vous
Touchin’ your hand, sayin’ it’s true

But we were no ‘meant to be’
The secret you kept away from me
The words you wanted me to read
But I was too blind to see

What’s going on in your mind?
Why the answer’s so hard to find?
Is it about how old we are?
About the age of our lucky stars?
But how can I enjoy myself?
How can I express myself?
When I can’t reach out to you

But we were no ‘meant to be’
The secret you kept away from me
The words you wanted me to read
But I was too blind to see

I know at some point you loved me
You were too afraid to say it
A soothing smile on your face
Silky hair, mellow voice
You’re everything I need but I’ve lost all my senses
And now I’m so sick at heart, I’m running the fever of your love
Because we were ‘no meant to be’, that’s what you kept hiding me

But we were no ‘meant to be’
The secret you kept away from me
The words you wanted me to read
But I was too blind to see

No ‘meant to be’
No ‘meant to be’

© 2014 Juan Cerra - Magic Juani Publishing for Magic Juani Productions
Thank you

[Quintus]

Hi there

There are grammatical errors in your lyrics i.e "no meant to be" should be "not meant to be",
"Why the answer’s so hard to find" should be "why's the answer so hard to find". "The fever" perhaps should be "a fever".

Other than that I think they are really good lyrics; love your rhymes i.e. follow you and rendezvous. Also the words flow so beautifully into eachother. Your lyrics express deep emotion and are universal.

That's just my five cents worth, my opinion only. Hope that helps a little.

Margaret (Quintus and Margaret)

[magicjuani]

Hi there

There are grammatical errors in your lyrics i.e "no meant to be" should be "not meant to be",
"Why the answer’s so hard to find" should be "why's the answer so hard to find". "The fever" perhaps should be "a fever".

Other than that I think they are really good lyrics; love your rhymes i.e. follow you and rendezvous. Also the words flow so beautifully into eachother. Your lyrics express deep emotion and are universal.

That's just my five cents worth, my opinion only. Hope that helps a little.

Margaret (Quintus and Margaret)

Your reply does help a lot, thank you very much for giving your opinion and sharing your ideas!

For the grammatical errors, they were made on purpose.
1) I thought the way the sentences are displayed would be easier to sing i.e the title of the song for background vocals in the last chorus. But I must admit that 'why's the answer so hard to find' could be even more effective and even easier to deliver.
2) I considered 'Meant To Be' as a tag on its own. But this tag doesn't suit the two lovers at all hence the provocative, repulsive word 'no' in front of 'meant to be'. I may have been too far when I imagined the story.

What do you think?

[magicjuani]

New version with new lyrics!

https://soundcloud.com/juancerrasongwri ... eant-to-be

I guess we are not meant to be
That's what you're not telling me
It's been written in your eyes
That we haven't the closest ties
I've been tryin' to follow you
Tryin' to get a rendez-vous
Touchin' your hand, sayin' it's true

But I was too blind to see
The secret you kept away from me
The words you wanted me to read
We were not meant to be

What's going on in your mind?
Why's the answer so hard to find?
Is it about how old we are?
About the age of our lucky stars?
But how can I escape this hell?
How can I express myself?
I reached out for you and fell

But I was too blind to see
The secret you kept away from me
The words you wanted me to read
We were not meant to be

I know at some point you loved me
You were too afraid to say it
A soothing smile on your face
Silky hair, mellow voice
A part written for you, you didn't want to play it
And now I'm so sick at heart, I'm running the fever of your love

But I was too blind to see
The secret you kept away from me
The words you wanted me to read
We were not meant to be

Not meant to be
Not meant to be

[Quintus]

Those are really beautiful lyrics, the rhymical flow carries it nicely, well expressed with clever rhymes! Grammatically in my opinion 100% on the mark. The lyrics work well with the melodic phrasing. (My husband's comment from composer point of view)
Quintus' comments further:
The track is engaging, the vocal just needs to be sung with more enthusiasm. The lyrics and music must be "on par".

Regards
Margaret and Quintus

[magicjuani]

Those are really beautiful lyrics, the rhymical flow carries it nicely, well expressed with clever rhymes! Grammatically in my opinion 100% on the mark. The lyrics work well with the melodic phrasing. (My husband's comment from composer point of view)
Quintus' comments further:
The track is engaging, the vocal just needs to be sung with more enthusiasm. The lyrics and music must be "on par".

Regards
Margaret and Quintus

Your comment just made my day!
Thank you so much for both of your comments!
I will try to find the perfect singer for the demo recording to get more enthusiasm on the track.

Would you agree on this comment somone else has made about the flow and the melody of the chorus in the song? :

This is a song that has the same progression repeating over and over. To make that work, in my opinion, you need three things, an arrangement that changes the vibe enough from verse to chorus - giving the chorus a "lift, a change in the flow of the lyric and the vocal melody to separate the verse vibe from the chorus vibe, and a singer that can pull it off. To get what I mean, listen to Rhianna's Diamonds - or should I say, listen to it again. . I think you're pretty close with the arrangement. But, I think the song is still looking for that different flow for the chorus lyric, and a different melody for the chorus, as well as the singer to do it all justice.