"OPEN" Does the concept of my hook make sense to you?

burpo · Post by **burpo** » Tue May 10, 2016 11:30 am

Just as a radio listener, I'd like to hear...

"I'm breaking open, breaking wide open."

Just my reaction.

Good stuff!

-b

michaelzapin · Post by **michaelzapin** » Sun Jun 05, 2016 4:04 pm

I actually liked it a lot. I understood "breaking open" almost the way a chick (as in chicken) will break open its shell - open to a new life. I thought it was a creative expression -- a different way of saying breaking out.

lyricsbykc · Post by **lyricsbykc** » Mon Jun 06, 2016 4:30 pm

Thanks Burpo and Michaelzapin and anyone else I may have missed. I've done some rewriting to make it stronger and appreciate all of your feedback.

NaeDae · Post by **NaeDae** » Tue Jun 07, 2016 12:54 pm

It's a creative idea, but if you're going for a pop tune, I'd flat out ditch it honestly. It's a bit over-thought and hard to grasp (most listeners only want to listen to something once and 'get it'), if that makes sense. Keep in mind I haven't heard the melody, but most pop lyrics (regardless of genre) are easy to remember and simple. Think like this: typically, the longer it takes for an idea to be conceived, the harder it is to RECEIVE for the audience.

Common phrases are your friends. Deeply-pondered original metaphors are your enemy.

But still, this is all only relevant if you're trying to appeal to OTHER people. And I'm not saying your lyrics are bad, they're just a bit confusing for what you seem to be going for.

Chris1 · Post by **Chris1** » Tue Aug 09, 2016 9:48 am

I love the breaking open concept and how it sets you up lyrically to tell a really good story in the rest of the song. The only issue for me lyrically is songs are more powerful when you highlight direct contrasts and opposites as I learnt from reading jimmy webb's brilliant songwriting book tunesmith, and breaking down and breaking open do not really nail that contrast and you cannot break shut so personally I would avoid the comparison altogether and go with something like "if i'm gonna let this break me then i'm breaking open"

lyricsbykc · Post by **lyricsbykc** » Fri Aug 12, 2016 1:25 pm

Thanks for your thoughts Chris! I'll have to check that book out too. KC

KBearden · Post by **KBearden** » Wed Sep 07, 2016 5:27 pm

to many words and wrong words..try this

The picture of the life, lay shattered on the floor
He packed his stuff, headed out the door
I cried, went outta my mind, no longer hoping (the double rymne here of mind and time doesn't work with the next line and leads into the chorus)
Break me down, I'm breaking open

OPEN to what comes my way
Overdue for better days
OPEN to staying strong
Holding steady and moving on
Don't feel sorry for me
Don't worry 'bout how I'm coping
Nothing's gonna break me down
This girl is breaking OPEN

I picked myself up, I can manage on my own
I kissed the past goodbye and learned to sleep alone
When things get tough, I'll be the one that's showing (the word coping is used to many times)
There is no breaking down, I'm breaking open

(Repeat Chorus)

I'm grateful for another chance
I trust in the bigger plan
One day I'll thank my lucky stars
For every scar on my open heart

I love the hook "Breaking Open" possibly put a bridge in that expounds on that hook
Breaking open
Breaking open
This girl has no more fear
Breaking open
Breaking open
New image in the mirror

Not trying to rewrite your your vision....hope it helps....Mudbug

"OPEN" Does the concept of my hook make sense to you?

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