Miss You

[mikeShort]

Here's a song I'm working on right now, trying to tighten it up. What do you all think? One note: musically, the last line of the chorus draws out the word "I" over 12 beats and three chord changes, before releasing to "miss you," one beat each on the root chord (and on beats three and four). I have no idea how much that helps you since you're reading lyrics .....

Miss You
by Michael B. Short © 2016

The halls are long but I've got wheels
On my way to a cardboard meal
I spent some time dressing so I'd look nice
I'll do my best to eat it all
Then head on back down the hall
Ten thousand miles from paradise
Back to my room of four plain walls
With the telephone that almost no one calls

They say that being alive
Is better than pushing up daisies
Days like this I wonder if it's true
I miss you

Grandson stopped by and brought the kids
They jumped they climbed they ran they slid
Do the young speak English anymore
They were wound up and awfully loud
I got tired and I'm not proud
That I was relieved when they went out the door
Don't get me wrong I'm glad they came
Relieved when they left just the same

They say being alive
Is better than pushing up daisies
Days like this I wonder if it's true
I miss you

Too many too many
Days and nights alone
Since that awful day we said goodbye
Too many too many
Times I wish I could pick up the phone
And hear your voice from across the great divide

They say that being alive
Is better than pushing up daisies
Day like this I wonder if it's true
I miss you

[Telefunkin]

Hi Michael,
I just drifted down the 'dusty' end of the board that I don't visit very often and stumbled across your lyric. I really like it! The verses paint the pictures and the chorus summarises the sentiment well. I felt a little cheated because there wasn't more though. The 2 show the despair of the situation, but I hoped for a final verse that reminisces about how wonderful things used to be and how great the love was back when the singer truly was 'alive'. That, in my humble opinion would help cement the lyric and also offer some contrast, otherwise there is a danger of sending too much of a grumpy/depression vibe. Anyway, good luck with your lyric, whatever you chose to do with it.