Help with chorus.. please!

[songmaster]

Hi Everyone It's been a while since I have been on here. I really need some help with a chorus I am writing for film and TV. I wrote 2 different choruses for the same song. I used the song " How to Save a Life "( from the band The Fray.) as my ala. I just want to know, which chorus seems to have more emotion, because that is what I am aiming for. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Tom

There will always be us, when morning shows up
I'll wake you with love, warm as the sun
Beneath crumpled sheets, with you close to me
Just know you can trust, there will always be us

or

Will the sun rise for us, when morning shows up
Will you wake me with love, warm as a touch
Beneath crumpled sheets, will you be close to me
Can we hold on to trust, will the sun rise for us

[LOCK88]

Hey Tom, I lean towards the statements from the 1ST chorus, as opposed to the questions of the 2nd...I don't know that either of them has MORE emotion than the other, but I think the affirmative statements give a more Positive emotion, while the questions feel a bit more dark, and certainly less feel-good...just my 2c, HTH.

[nylyrics]

Tom:

I agree on the first chorus - especially if the song title is in the phrase "There will always be us"

Andy

[funsongs]

Tom:
I agree on the first chorus - especially if the song title is in the phrase "There will always be us"
Andy

+1
I wondered about the inclusion of the title/hook, too.

I also wondered about possibly changing up the order of the 2nd line - for both interest and closer-rhyme sake:

There will always be us, when morning shows up
Warm as the sun - I'll wake you with love
Beneath crumpled sheets, with you close to me
Just know you can trust, there will always be us

You might find that it sings more smoothly - my 3 pennies from the Peanut Gallery

[songmaster]

Thanks Robb, I think you're right. After going over the lyrics again. The second version does sound a little negative. I think I am at this point trying too hard to second guess myself. The first chorus is the one I originally wrote and that I actually feel good about. I wrote the second chorus, because sometimes ( for film and TV ) a song that has a question in it, is a good fit for some programs. But I think I will stick to the first chorus. Thank you for helping me to confirm what I originally intended.

Thanks Andy for your comment. I think you are dead on about the last line. When I sing it, I realize that the song is ending on a real negative thought and that's not what I want. Especially because it starts with " Will the sun rise for us " and ends the same. Not good

Thanks Peter for your advice on the lyrics. I will give it a try to switch them up and see how if feels. It helps to switch things around. I often do that with the first and second verse.Sometimes end up throwing the first verse out and starting again.

Thanks everyone! Now I know what direction to take the rest of the song. Hopefully I will get the song done in the next few months.

Cheers

Tom