Looking for songwriters, lyricists to collab and learn from

[Anton]

Hi everyone!
My name is Anton (you can call me Anthony), I joined Taxi, not so long ago, and now finally made it to the Forums. Most of my music is Instrumental and goes to the Film/TV area, but, for some reason, I always wanted to write songs in English, which is not my first language.

I've picked a few songs that I wrote on my own and collected feedbacks from some friends, musicians, and professionals (including Taxi screeners). Based on that, I have some potential, mostly with the melody, and I would love to find some experienced songwriters, lyricists to collab with, improve my skills and chat about music in general. Together is always better!

You can listen to some of my stuff here:
https://soundcloud.com/adannmusic/sets/songs/s-1WtS1
Lyrics are in the track's description *

More on these songs:
"If You Stay" ended up being filled with lyrical cliches when I tried to write a typical pop song. I agree with one of the screeners that with a bit of change in structure, and new lyrics by experienced lyricist, it has a chance to become a great pop song. Also, I made some embarrassing language mistakes, without even noticing it))

I like "Vibe" in general. Anyway, most of the pro-listeners told me that melody could be more engaging, and the vocal performance more charismatic, instead of annoying. And again, I agree with that. But, unfortunately, I'm stuck with this particular melody, and can't figure out something new so far.

"Cold Sweater" is my personal favorite and received the most positive responses. However, almost every feedback was suggesting to rework the structure (cut verses, for example), and add more contrast between sections to make the song more marketable. It makes sense.

I believe any of these songs could hit some listings, with a proper work on them. I would be happy to create something from a scratch or collab on your materials as well.

Feel free to share your thoughts. I'm open for advice. If you would like to collab or just chat, please email me: adannmusic@gmail.com.
Thanks in advance! Have a nice day!

[lesmac]

I like "If You Stay" the best Anton. I think the second verse should be played on the guitar the same as the first verse, first verse is great!!
I think the chorus needs to be much stronger lyrically and maybe musically?

Is that your vocal?

Lester

[Len911]

your vocal is great!

the lyrics imo stray from the title/theme and become buried in esoteric abstraction. for example, "cold sweater", there is a lot of lyric that has nothing to do with a sweater at all, there are no "threads" that lead to sweater. If You Stay, the third chorus is better because it gets to the theme quicker and the other lyrics connect better with the theme. The title should be much more than a byline, it is what everything must be connected to, if it doesn't, it doesn't belong in the song. sometimes asking yourself, who, what when how and why will help. if you stay, what? why should you stay? why a cold sweater?

[funsongs]

Great vocals for Pop - to these Old-Guy ears.
I wouldn't hesitate to be a bit repetitive - like for If You Stay...
to add that as a Refrain/Hook at the end of your Chorus tie it back to the song's title (maybe something like this...?)

Only you can drive me far away from cold reality,
And keep me warm like the sun on a summer day,
If you stay, I promise, I will break the gravity,
‘Cause you’re the one, if you stay
I would take to fly away... fly away
If you stay, stay, stay
If you stay...

I've not tried to write much Pop - but wouldn't mind trying to learn & help you at the same time;
posting up ideas on Peer-To-Peer is a good way to hone your craft, and meet some of the community here
that might be more inclined to literally, and musically - speak your language.

Hope that helps - welcome to the Community Forums.

[Anton]

Sorry guys, I forgot to mention this is not my vocal. I wish I could sing like that, but I'm not a singer at all)) I've collaborated with an online recording studio to make these recordings based on my demos and try out the materials.

the lyrics imo stray from the title/theme and become buried in esoteric abstraction. for example, "cold sweater", there is a lot of lyric that has nothing to do with a sweater at all, there are no "threads" that lead to sweater. If You Stay, the third chorus is better because it gets to the theme quicker and the other lyrics connect better with the theme. The title should be much more than a byline, it is what everything must be connected to, if it doesn't, it doesn't belong in the song. sometimes asking yourself, who, what when how and why will help. if you stay, what? why should you stay? why a cold sweater?

Ok, I see what you mean. I find this kind of stuff in my Lyrics pretty often. Great advice, really helpful! Thanks!

I like "If You Stay" the best Anton. I think the second verse should be played on the guitar the same as the first verse, first verse is great!!
I think the chorus needs to be much stronger lyrically and maybe musically?

Is that your vocal?

Lester

Hi Lester,
Like I said, unfortunately, the vocal is not mine)
Thank you, I'm glad you liked If You Stay.
About the Chorus, yes, I think so too. Do you have any thoughts?

I wouldn't hesitate to be a bit repetitive - like for If You Stay...
to add that as a Refrain/Hook at the end of your Chorus tie it back to the song's title (maybe something like this...?)

Only you can drive me far away from cold reality,
And keep me warm like the sun on a summer day,
If you stay, I promise, I will break the gravity,
‘Cause you’re the one, if you stay
I would take to fly away... fly away
If you stay, stay, stay
If you stay...

Yeah, I like it a lot! Nice idea to play around.

I've not tried to write much Pop - but wouldn't mind trying to learn & help you at the same time;
posting up ideas on Peer-To-Peer is a good way to hone your craft, and meet some of the community here
that might be more inclined to literally, and musically - speak your language.

Hope that helps - welcome to the Community Forums.

That would be awesome! I'm open to it.
Thanks!

[funsongs]

No worries, Anthony - keep it at it, and post up the results as you craft your songs.
Cheers.