Redneck Oligarch

[good4somethingbum]

Redneck Oligarch ©2018 Robert George BMI

I was kickin’ back and watchin’ Iron Chef
When I got a visit from the ATF
They showed me photos of a guy I’d met only once
Said they’d planted bugs, in his beer-a-mid and bear rug
And they’d been surveillin’ him fer months

They said he’s in deep guano with the special prosecutor
He gets discount hot wings from the gals at Hooter’s
He sells lotto tickets stolen from the Stop n Go
And bootleg cable to a trailer park
He got that scar in the stockade out at Ft. Hood
He smuggles steroids that makes a man as hard as cord wood
He runs bathtub gin that tastes like Mop n Glo
He’s a real bad actor, he’s a redneck oligarch

He’s got a foot long Phil Robertson beard
And that venison he sells ain’t made outta deer
We’ve been watchin’ with night goggles and a drone
He’s got a bunker underground, and we think his sniff hound is a clone

They said he’s in deep guano with the special prosecutor
He gets discount hot wings from the gals at Hooter’s
He sells lotto tickets stolen from the Stop n Go
And bootleg cable to a trailer park
He got that scar in the stockade out at Ft. Hood
He smuggles steroids that makes a man as hard as cord wood
He runs bathtub gin that tastes like Mop n Glo
He’s a real bad actor, he’s a redneck oligarch

The boys at Langley have compiled a secret dossier
He’s a Podunk Putin…his dad was a white trash Kruschev
And his uncle works the border as a damn coyote
Yeah, his brother might be Rush Limbaugh’s saucier
And his sister might be Ann Coulter’s sous-chef
And his cousin might be Ted Nugent’s roadie

He’s in deep guano with the special prosecutor
He gets discount hot wings from the gals at Hooter’s
He sells lotto tickets stolen from the Stop n Go
And bootleg cable to a trailer park
He got that scar in the stockade out at Ft. Hood
He smuggles steroids that makes a man as hard as cord wood
He runs bathtub gin that tastes like Mop n Glo
He’s a real bad actor, he’s a redneck oligarch

I said, “Boys, I know my rights
And none o’ this has been proved
I only met this guy
Cos ahm getting’ hitched in July
And he knew how ta git my Dolly Parton tatt removed…