"Too Soon" please take a look at this lyric

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RustyP
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"Too Soon" please take a look at this lyric

Post by RustyP » Thu Dec 20, 2018 8:30 am

Hey folks,
Would appreciate an objective take on this lyric.

It is for a singer / songwriter indie-folk feel acoustic song.

Here's the listing blerb.
----------REFLECTIVE, ACOUSTIC-BASED SINGER/SONGWRITER SONGS with Male Vocals are needed for an (up to) $1,000, Non-Exclusive, Direct-to-Supervisor placement in an Independent Feature Film.
The Music Supervisor is currently on the prowl for Down-to-Mid-Tempo Songs that are in the general stylistic wheelhouse of songs like these references the Music Supervisor provided to us:
“Pictures” by Benjamin Francis Leftwich
“Delicate” by Damien Rice
NOTE: They’re NOT looking for clones or soundalikes of those songs, but the tone, tempo, and mood should be in the ballpark of the references.
Please submit well-crafted, emotionally engaging songs with Acoustic Guitar as the primary instrument. Your submissions should have emotionally compelling melodies, with an infectious chorus that could support the scene’s mood. A small band/ensemble, or a guitar/vocal performance can both work for this request, as long as it fits the somber mood they’re after. Your vocal performance should be intimate, with a believable delivery full of emotional pull.
Lyric Tip: They’d like to hear lyric themes that deal with reflecting on life: family, survival, memories, etc. ----------Does this convey the impermanence of life and memory in a sortof floaty way?
I'm recording the instrumental track today.

----------
Too Soon
Rusty Perez 2018

v1
Lay on your back
let’s Watch the clouds
Painting magic in the sky
There’s you and I
Holding hands

And the wind
Never shows itself
But always to blame
Pulling clouds apart, then back together
And we’re Never the same

And all we have are memories
Drawings in the sand
Shifting fleeting in our minds
A pen in shaky hand

v2
Pictures, of neverlasting days
Bound together in this book
Smiling Boys and girls
Men and women
on the next page

Then pulled apart,
blowing in the wind
catching fire
lost in time
Never there again

C
And all we have are memories
Drawings in the sand
Shifting in our minds
A Pen in shaky hand

v3
Stay here in this place, where you are
Carve yourself in everlasting stone
Don’t let the earth shake
and destroy you

Believe that we’ll be here,
forever,
so we don’t float off
too soon
----------


Please and Thank you! :)

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