Don't Listen To Them

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Elderman
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Don't Listen To Them

Post by Elderman » Mon Jan 14, 2019 10:18 pm

Hello

I've just finished this new song and could use some feed back. Nor sure if I copied it correctly to this page. If not would appreciate any advice. It's called Don't Listen To Them. Thanks.

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DannyWeber
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Re: Don't Listen To Them

Post by DannyWeber » Tue Jan 15, 2019 3:45 pm

Elderman wrote:
Mon Jan 14, 2019 10:18 pm
Hello

I've just finished this new song and could use some feed back. Nor sure if I copied it correctly to this page. If not would appreciate any advice. It's called Don't Listen To Them. Thanks.
Great track but the link is not showing up here. I found the song on your soundcloud page.

Everything sounds great from top to bottom! Great mixing, great performance and writing. I would love to see the lyrics for this if don't mind posting them.

The only critiquing I would do is.. I like the fade out but I don't think an editor would. If I were you, I would create a button ending. Not imperative but could make your song more licensable. Just my opinion.

Good job overall! I liked it.

Dan
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Re: Don't Listen To Them

Post by Elderman » Tue Jan 15, 2019 8:34 pm

Thanks for taking the time to listen. Really appreciate your advice and will look into. Here are the lyrics.

Don't Listen To Them

Don't even know who we are
Acting like u are a friend
And now your just another voice in head
One that paints the picture grim
Saying things that you think
I Need to know
Ignore their Differences
Your so much more then this
Don’t listen to them

They made you wait at the door
Then said don't come back again
She hid inside behind her mother and cried
You were made to pay for every sin
He's not our kind and she believed every word they said
Ignore their Differences
Your so much more then this
Don’t listen to them

Sometimes
The words don’t agree with the melody
Voices in my head in the middle of the nite
And in the morning time
I still can’t forget those memories
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words cut like a knife

Remember when the teacher had them hold you down
Gonna Make an example out of him
Who’s laughing now not the class clown
Who’s face is wide and eyes red
Put the fear of God make em tow the line get inside his head
Ignore their viciousness
Your so much more then this
Don’t listen to them

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Re: Don't Listen To Them

Post by DannyWeber » Wed Jan 16, 2019 10:23 am

Thanks for posting the lyrics. The lyrics seem to be deep and conveying some kind of hurt or trauma but I can't be sure. I think this would be a good one for a professional TAXI screener to critique. I just don't have the chops in this area.

The screeners at TAXI may be able to help you adjust the lyrics to make more of a connection with the listener. I'm not totally connecting with your lyrics and what you are trying to say. Sorry.

Like I said, everything sounds great from top to bottom but after reading the lyrics, I'm a little lost. If you got a custom critique, I think that would help!

Just my 2 cents,

Dan
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Go your own way! Out of necessity, drive, gumption, whatever.. don't let anyone tell you you can't!
It's not what goes into your music that's important, it's what comes out the speakers

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Re: Don't Listen To Them

Post by Elderman » Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:15 am

Hey Danny


Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and read the lyrics. I really appreciate. I have a few numbers I'd like to run by the screeners. Thanks for the tip.

jo

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Re: Don't Listen To Them

Post by DannyWeber » Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:41 am

Hey Jo,

That's always a great idea! You get very concise advice from people who know what's working and what's not. I've gotten many custom critiques from TAXI!

You did a great job though, Jo!

Dan
https://taxi.com/dannyweber
https://soundcloud.com/dannyweber

Go your own way! Out of necessity, drive, gumption, whatever.. don't let anyone tell you you can't!
It's not what goes into your music that's important, it's what comes out the speakers

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Re: Don't Listen To Them

Post by MSteinmann » Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:07 pm

Hey Jo,

cool song, I really like the whole arrangement and production too. I feel it conveys a sort of foreboding and brooding mood that fits the subject well.

About the lyrics, of course a Taxi screener can give more concise advice, but I might as well write my impressions too: I'm thinking the song is basically speaking to a victim of discrimination, abuse or mobbing, telling him not to let it get to him, right? IMO it gets a bit confusing sometimes because I'm not sure who you're talking to. For example, in the first verse it sounds like you're talking to the victimizer ("acting like you're a friend" til "I need to know") but then it's like you switch and are talking to the victim ("you're so much more than this, don't listen to them"). You also use "we" and "I", which gets things even more mixed up.

I thought I'd just try to switch some words around to show how I'd find it easier to understand :

"You don't even know who they are
acting like they're your friends
and now they're just another voice in your head
one that paints the picture grim
saying things that they think you need to know
Ignore their differences
you're so much more than this
Don't listen to them..."

Also IMO "ignore their viciousness"is much clearer and easier to understand than "ignore their differences"... I think I'd use that every time.

Anyway I think you've got some really evocative and strong images in the song and it's fine for some things to remain mysterious (like, who is "she"?), but it could help to sort out some parts so the listener can follow more easily... Nice job and good luck!

Best,
Maya

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Re: Don't Listen To Them

Post by Elderman » Fri Jan 18, 2019 6:07 pm

Thank you so very much for taking the time to listen and go over the lyrics. You are absolutely right on every point.
I’m going to take your advice and make those corrections.
Much appreciated.

J.o

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Re: Don't Listen To Them

Post by LoBellver » Sat Jan 19, 2019 1:11 pm

Sounds good. The only thing I miss is a guitar solo. This song needs a guitar solo.

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Re: Don't Listen To Them

Post by Casey H » Sat Jan 19, 2019 7:39 pm

Hi
Here are my thoughts:

I can only comment on the song, not the production which is out of my league.

Cool retro song. 8-) Reminds me of albums from the late 60's/early 70's.

Intro WAY too long. The vocal doesn't start till around 00:29. You need to cut that at least in half.
Lyrics have a lot of good lines but need to more concise and focused. Right now it sounds more like a 60's/early 70's album track and to make it marketable, it would be better to go for "hit" quality. It's OK to be retro if you go all the way as a "period piece" for use in Film/TV in a scene that takes place in another decade. But even with that, better focus would be good. As someone else said, needs to be more relatable and easier to know right away what the song is about.
I hear an angry John Lennon first solo album in the lyrics.

The song format is AABA which is not used that much in contemporary music, especially not pop and rock. If you are going for a retro sound-like, it can be OK. In general, chorus oriented songs tend to do better.

As I always ask, what is your goal for the song? That means everything.

Best,
:D Casey
Elderman wrote:
Tue Jan 15, 2019 8:34 pm
Thanks for taking the time to listen. Really appreciate your advice and will look into. Here are the lyrics.

Don't Listen To Them

Don't even know who we are
Acting like u are a friend
And now your just another voice in head
One that paints the picture grim
Saying things that you think
I Need to know
Ignore their Differences
Your so much more then this
Don’t listen to them

They made you wait at the door
Then said don't come back again
She hid inside behind her mother and cried
You were made to pay for every sin
He's not our kind and she believed every word they said
Ignore their Differences
Your so much more then this
Don’t listen to them

Sometimes
The words don’t agree with the melody
Voices in my head in the middle of the nite
And in the morning time
I still can’t forget those memories
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words cut like a knife

Remember when the teacher had them hold you down
Gonna Make an example out of him
Who’s laughing now not the class clown
Who’s face is wide and eyes red
Put the fear of God make em tow the line get inside his head
Ignore their viciousness
Your so much more then this
Don’t listen to them

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