"Deal Breaker"
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- Casey H
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"Deal Breaker"
I haven't put a song up in P2P for a long time... This one is a co-write with Marcus Cohen, with vocal by Juliet Lyons... Produced by Paul Otten. It takes a village!
Any and all comments welcome.
https://soundcloud.com/caseyh/deal-brea ... ns/s-afahC
Thanks!
Casey
Any and all comments welcome.
https://soundcloud.com/caseyh/deal-brea ... ns/s-afahC
Thanks!
Casey
I LOVE IT WHEN A PLAN COMES TOGETHER!
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- ComposerLDG
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Re: "Deal Breaker"
Listening now, Casey, liking it from the very beginning. Great vocals, production is nice and tight. Sounds like a winner to me!
Loren DiGiorgi
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- annalynchmusic
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Re: "Deal Breaker"
Hi Casey,
This genre is far from my wheelhouse but wanted to chime in and say I think the words are great!
Sounds a bit Pop-Punk to me, was that what you were going for?
Best of luck with this one!
Anna
This genre is far from my wheelhouse but wanted to chime in and say I think the words are great!
Sounds a bit Pop-Punk to me, was that what you were going for?
Best of luck with this one!
Anna
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Re: "Deal Breaker"
Great song Casey! It's got that " Hit Me With Your Best Shot " vibe, only more contemporary. A winning combination with all you have aboard. Great vocals and production and nicely written
Tom
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Re: "Deal Breaker"
Hey Casey
Well done. Great hook and production. Reminds me of Pat Benatar. Like it very much.
J.O
Well done. Great hook and production. Reminds me of Pat Benatar. Like it very much.
J.O
- mikemichnya
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Re: "Deal Breaker"
Hey Casey,
I liked the song from the start. Nicely produced, great energy, cool vibe and loved the hook!
There were two (maybe three) minor lyric speed bumps for me. The 'expectations - imperfections' rhyme in the chorus doesn't work for me, since it's the next to last syllable (before the '-tion') that rhymes. I'd look for something a little stronger (limitations, provocations, etc.). Same thing in the second verse with the 'wrong - hard' non-rhyme. You set up that nice AABCCB rhyme scheme in the first verse, you're strong enough writers to keep the meaning and find a rhyme in the back end of the verse. In verse two, since you ended line one with 'someone', in line three, you might replace the 'Someone who'd' with 'I thought you'd'. Just a thought.
Lastly, I think the "There was a time that I cared for you" line in the pre-chorus is redundant and doesn't advance the story. You could repurpose the line from the middle of the chorus:
It’s not what you did it’s what you didn’t do
You weren’t there when I needed you
Of course, you'd then have to replace THAT line in the chorus with another line (maybe another 'ation' rhyme?). Or something like:
Baby, if I don't see you first
Maybe I'll see you later
Oh yea, see you later
‘Cos that's a deal breaker
I wondered if you considered repeating the hook?
So now it’s see you later
Oh yea, see you later
‘Cos that's a deal breaker
Yeah, you're a deal breaker
Mtc, fwiw.
Best of luck with it!
I liked the song from the start. Nicely produced, great energy, cool vibe and loved the hook!
There were two (maybe three) minor lyric speed bumps for me. The 'expectations - imperfections' rhyme in the chorus doesn't work for me, since it's the next to last syllable (before the '-tion') that rhymes. I'd look for something a little stronger (limitations, provocations, etc.). Same thing in the second verse with the 'wrong - hard' non-rhyme. You set up that nice AABCCB rhyme scheme in the first verse, you're strong enough writers to keep the meaning and find a rhyme in the back end of the verse. In verse two, since you ended line one with 'someone', in line three, you might replace the 'Someone who'd' with 'I thought you'd'. Just a thought.
Lastly, I think the "There was a time that I cared for you" line in the pre-chorus is redundant and doesn't advance the story. You could repurpose the line from the middle of the chorus:
It’s not what you did it’s what you didn’t do
You weren’t there when I needed you
Of course, you'd then have to replace THAT line in the chorus with another line (maybe another 'ation' rhyme?). Or something like:
Baby, if I don't see you first
Maybe I'll see you later
Oh yea, see you later
‘Cos that's a deal breaker
I wondered if you considered repeating the hook?
So now it’s see you later
Oh yea, see you later
‘Cos that's a deal breaker
Yeah, you're a deal breaker
Mtc, fwiw.
Best of luck with it!
Best regards,
Michael (Amoriello) Michnya
Like Robbie Robertson sang, "take what you need and leave the rest."
https://soundcloud.com/mamichnya-1
https://www.taxi.com/members/mikeamoriello
Michael (Amoriello) Michnya
Like Robbie Robertson sang, "take what you need and leave the rest."
https://soundcloud.com/mamichnya-1
https://www.taxi.com/members/mikeamoriello
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