could use fresh ears for a new WIP 'All Used Up'

[mikemichnya]

This song was inspired by Jason Isbell's 'Cover Me Up', one of the reference tracks to a recent (now expired) singer/songwriter listing. I really like the rhyme scheme, and hadn't written anything like that in awhile, so I wrote another kind of love song.

Any and all feedback would be appreciated. Thanks for your ears and comments.

Here is the link to the track: https://soundcloud.com/mamichnya-1/all-used-up

ALL USED UP
words and music by Michael A. Michnya

There was a time I knew you were mine like it was ordained
We’d sit in the park 'til long after dark drinking in vain
For beauty and truth, or just something to do, for the grapes or the grains
Night after night 'til we got tight, feeling no pain

Now there're clothes on the bed and it's cold in this room
And this ache in my chest is not from the flu
The voice in my head cries ‘enough is enough’
My heart’s gonna let you use me til I’m All Used Up
I’m All Used Up, All Used Up

Our beautiful dreams fell apart at the seams like mud in the eye
Fell off the wagon chasin’ the dragon’s pretty white lies
You always said we’d be better off dead than hung out to dry
Ah, the best we can do is take the rough with the smooth and lord knows, I tried

Now there're clothes on the bed and it's cold in this room
And this ache in my chest is not from the flu
The voice in my head cries ‘enough is enough’
But my heart’s gonna let you use me til I’m All Used Up
I’m All Used Up, All Used Up, I’m All Used Up

All the king's horses and all the king's men don't know what to do
I gave my all but it wasn’t enough to get me back to you

Now there're clothes on the bed and it's cold in this room
And this ache in my chest is not from the flu
The voice in my head cries ‘enough is enough’
Still my heart’s gonna let you use me til I’m All Used Up
I’m All Used Up, All Used Up
I’m All Used Up, All Used Up

© Michael A. Michnya, Amor Songs, ASCAP.

[ttully]

Hey Michael,

Well.... I'm going to be honest....

The music is GREAT.... the playing is superb.... BUT you need a different singer.
I suspect it is probably you singing....

Also...the vox are do not seem to be in the same space as the music.

If possible.... just at least try to find an EXCELLENT singer to do this justice.
It could be a great song....

My 4 cents..... someone else may say I'm completely wrong!

Tim

[TomWanless]

Hi Michael,

First, I really enjoyed listening to this.

I really like the lyrics, songs hiding addiction in a love theme can sometimes be quite clumsy but I thought this was great storytelling. (Fingers crossed I haven't completely misinterpreted). I can easily imagine it being used in a film or tv sync. Also the "All Used Up" theme could be synced to many themes other than addiction based TV scene.

I like your voice, although I feel the mixing is hiding it too much, so it seems less strong than it could. Microphone type and placement play a huge role in recording, however I would boost some of your higher frequencies and generally increase the vocals volume, carving out space in the instrumental with some EQ. Then again, that's just my ears and I could be wrong if your going for a more indie vocal sound. I feel like the vocal conveys emotion really well, and some of the character of the singing is lost from it being obscured in the mixing.

The instrumentation is played beautifully, feels very natural.

That's just my two pennies though,
Tom

[mikemichnya]

Thanks, folks. Your kind words and helpful comments are much appreciated.

It is me singing, and vocals and mixing (especially vocals) are weaknesses of mine. Tom, you're spot on about the storyline, so no misinterpretation there. I'll try remixing, and see if I can get someone else to try the vocal.

[MandyDuke]

Hi Michael,

You are a wonderful musician and I could hear the emotion in your voice that this meant a lot to you.

As for the vocals I would let them be a little more “free” instead of structured. By that I mean, you could extend the notes a bit and let them travel along the notes. Right now they are boxed in/isolated. I’m visually expressive so if my vision isn’t portrayed clear, I apologize.

I would love to hear the instrumental only and possibly take a stab at singing this. Honestly you may not have pictured a woman singing this but worst case scenario, you hate it, and that’s really not a bad scenario either haha Feel free to message me if you’re interested. I am just looking to collaborate; I don’t want any compensation or rights to your song.

Sincerely,
Amanda