Two Thousand Miles Away

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LoBellver
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Two Thousand Miles Away

Post by LoBellver » Sun Jan 20, 2019 9:06 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV30GlnqS0U

Осторожно, двери закрываются. Следующая станция - Лубянка

There's something about that train station
It was a trip I would never forget
Going around in the Moscow Metro
My destination was not far from Red Square.

And when it's cold it's so nice to be home
I feel the warmth of Lloret in the dawn
And then I followed you across the park
Then I knew I’d fallen in love... again.

Again, again
Fallen in love again.
Again, Again,
Fallen in love.

But she was far away
Many miles away
She was far away
Many miles away
Two thousand miles away!

Уважаемые пассажиры, при выходе из поезда, не забывайте свои вещи

Piba, vodka or kvas even better
The salted fish can be eaten at night
Please, some soup, I like my borsh hotter
I like the bread, should I eat more Ikra?

And when I'm home and outside is so cold
I see the snow and I want to go out
Then I search for you into the dark
So in the end I’d fallen in love... again.

Again, again
Fallen in love again
Again, again
Fallen in love.

But she was far away
Many miles away
She was far away
Many miles away
Two thousand miles away!

Again, again, again
Fallen in love again
Again, again
Fallen in love.

But she was far away
Many miles away
She was far away
Many miles away
Two thousand miles away .

Away, away
Two thousand miles away
Away, away
Two thousand miles away

Away, away
Two thousand miles away
Away, away
Two thousand miles away

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Shalee
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Re: Two Thousand Miles Away

Post by Shalee » Sat Jan 26, 2019 7:49 pm

Hey man,
I'm just going to look at the lyrics from a structural perpective.
I feel that you really need to look at the mathmatics of your verses. By that, I mean, the rules you create as to your rhyming structure, and how your syllables sit in each line. I'm finding that your maths is a bit all over the place. Some lines are 9 syllables, others 10 or 11, and there's no clear distinct pattern.
So what I would do, is work out what you want your verse structure to be (for example, it might be ABAB and 9-10-9-10, you can choose the parametres) and then I would rewrite your lyrics so on a syllable level they match your structural rules. This will make the lines read better, and also allow your listener to follow along easier and sound more coherent.

I'd also look at adding something different in the chorus- instead of ending with "away" over and over.

Hope this helps. Do whatever you feel like with the above advice :)
Shalee

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