how can i turn a fart into a melody?

[melodymessiah]

hi.

i'd like to turn this fart:
https://soundcloud.com/songshine/fart-3/s-yqB1A

into this melody:
https://soundcloud.com/songshine/i-pass ... et/s-VPyS0

it''s for a song i wrote.
i'm not an expert sound guy, so i wonder if anyone can recommend a software i can use for this. bare in mind, i don't want it to get to distorted, it's still gotta sound like a fart i may use a different fart sound at the end though, but hopefully you get the idea...

[ochaim]

i’d probably start by making sure its in tune with something like melodyne, at the least the body of at the beginning. the falling tail at the end is probably fine. then put it in any sampler, and play along. kontakt might be a preferred choice because you can make it timestretch on the fly as you play (cant remember where that is but its in the same section as “beatmachine”). just so it isnt shorter at higher pitches.

unless you want to have the option of tighter or loosey goosey farts

[Casey H]

Next time you fart, do it to the exact melody and rhythm and have a mic ready. Easy-peasy!

Casey

[funsongs]

Or you could just "ghost-write" to an existing toot-worthy melody & lyric... say Kansas's...
"All we are are farts in the wind..." I'm sure there are plenty more where that came from. ...
but it still begs the question: Why would you want to?!

[Casey H]

i’d probably start by making sure its in tune with something like melodyne, at the least the body of at the beginning. the falling tail at the end is probably fine. then put it in any sampler, and play along. kontakt might be a preferred choice because you can make it timestretch on the fly as you play (cant remember where that is but its in the same section as “beatmachine”). just so it isnt shorter at higher pitches.

And then see if it passes the smell test!

[melodymessiah]

ha-ha, very funny. if you don't give me some real advice, i'm gonna fart on you all!!

[cosmicdolphin]

Squeeze your glutes

[Kolstad]

You took it literally when they said “send us your best shi*”!

[ochaim]

whoa i took this way too seriously lol

[andygabrys]

cut and paste from another forum:

How to turn a room into an instrument: a (very informal and DIY) tutorial inspired by Hildur Guðnadóttir's approach for Chernobyl.

Step 1: record room tone.

Step 2: identify the "key" of the room by boosting frequencies with EQ

Step 3: use "additive synthesis" by boosting the frequencies that would make up the harmonic series for said key of the room. repeat this EQ boosting to taste based on whatever frequencies you wish to emphasize

Step 4: annihilate (use effects to taste. here i'm using granular synthesis, distortion/saturation, and filters)

Step 5: bounce your processed sample and load into a sampler of your choosing (I'm using Kontakt, but EXS and other could work just as well)

Step 6: enjoy your new instrument.

Another ref:

There is this piece, written by Alvin Lucier in 1969.

Even if you don't listen to the whole piece, try to listen to at least the opening, which explains the piece, then "dip in and out" are regular intervals in the piece:

https://youtu.be/fAxHlLK3Oyk

The idea is that every sound has a tonality. If you enhance that, and map it to a sampler at the right pitch then you can play the sound up and down the keyboard.