Need advice on lyrics
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Re: Need advice on lyrics
Hey Zaychi, I guess it is a bit over used. How about " I can feel my life erode, like I'm six feet deep " ? or "There's no light left in this soul, like I'm six feet deep" what ever I use has to rhyme with the second line " Love is feelin so remote "
Anyway, thanks for the suggestion. I will keep thinking about it, after all the first line should grab you.
Tom
Anyway, thanks for the suggestion. I will keep thinking about it, after all the first line should grab you.
Tom
- Zaychi
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Re: Need advice on lyrics
"load" would be good for that... like feeling the sand of the burial. So maybe something like "I feel a heavy load", or "I'm on overload"?
"I'm about to implode"?
"I'm about to implode"?
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Re: Need advice on lyrics
The line " I feel a heavy load " implies that he can "feel" something. If you are six feet deep, I think he is saying that he is dead and feels nothing. But I do like the word implode . or " I don't feel I'm in control, like I'm six feet deep"
Anyway, I will have to play around with it a bit and see where it goes. Thanks for the advice.
Anyway, I will have to play around with it a bit and see where it goes. Thanks for the advice.
- Zaychi
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Re: Need advice on lyrics
"I'm not in control" is a bit of an understatement when you're six feet deep, maybe?
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Re: Need advice on lyrics
Yeah, I'm still working on that one. There must be a phrase that fits. Time to re-write maybe " My life is stuck in a hole, feel like I'm six feet deep" ? Am I getting closer ?
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Re: Need advice on lyrics
Think I will go with " Lately I've been feeling cold, like I'm six feet deep "
- Zaychi
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Re: Need advice on lyrics
Drop the "lately"... it's better for the meter, and it suggests casualness which isn't there in this case.
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Re: Need advice on lyrics
Thanks Zaychi! I agree. It does sound too casual for what he is feeling. Done and done
Tom
Tom
- Zaychi
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Re: Need advice on lyrics
Just curious, but what are you going to do with these? I mean, how do you pitch a lyric at all, do you have channels for that?
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Re: Need advice on lyrics
Yes, I know this guy on Airgigs and I am going to send it to him. He is great with melodies and production. I just love his voice also. He has done a couple of songs for me already. So we will see how it goes.
Tom
Tom
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