Need advice on lyrics

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songmaster
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Re: Need advice on lyrics

Post by songmaster » Wed Aug 18, 2021 12:27 pm

Hey Zaychi, I guess it is a bit over used. How about " I can feel my life erode, like I'm six feet deep " ? or "There's no light left in this soul, like I'm six feet deep" what ever I use has to rhyme with the second line " Love is feelin so remote "

Anyway, thanks for the suggestion. I will keep thinking about it, after all the first line should grab you.

Tom

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Zaychi
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Re: Need advice on lyrics

Post by Zaychi » Wed Aug 18, 2021 2:05 pm

"load" would be good for that... like feeling the sand of the burial. So maybe something like "I feel a heavy load", or "I'm on overload"?

"I'm about to implode"?

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Re: Need advice on lyrics

Post by songmaster » Thu Aug 19, 2021 1:13 pm

The line " I feel a heavy load " implies that he can "feel" something. If you are six feet deep, I think he is saying that he is dead and feels nothing. But I do like the word implode . or " I don't feel I'm in control, like I'm six feet deep"

Anyway, I will have to play around with it a bit and see where it goes. Thanks for the advice.

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Re: Need advice on lyrics

Post by Zaychi » Thu Aug 19, 2021 1:43 pm

"I'm not in control" is a bit of an understatement when you're six feet deep, maybe?

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Re: Need advice on lyrics

Post by songmaster » Fri Aug 20, 2021 5:27 am

Yeah, I'm still working on that one. There must be a phrase that fits. Time to re-write :) maybe " My life is stuck in a hole, feel like I'm six feet deep" ? Am I getting closer ?

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Re: Need advice on lyrics

Post by songmaster » Sun Aug 22, 2021 5:30 am

Think I will go with " Lately I've been feeling cold, like I'm six feet deep "

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Zaychi
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Re: Need advice on lyrics

Post by Zaychi » Sun Aug 22, 2021 3:16 pm

Drop the "lately"... it's better for the meter, and it suggests casualness which isn't there in this case.

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Re: Need advice on lyrics

Post by songmaster » Mon Aug 23, 2021 4:48 am

Thanks Zaychi! I agree. It does sound too casual for what he is feeling. Done and done :)

Tom

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Re: Need advice on lyrics

Post by Zaychi » Tue Aug 24, 2021 2:52 pm

Just curious, but what are you going to do with these? I mean, how do you pitch a lyric at all, do you have channels for that?

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Re: Need advice on lyrics

Post by songmaster » Wed Aug 25, 2021 4:50 am

Yes, I know this guy on Airgigs and I am going to send it to him. He is great with melodies and production. I just love his voice also. He has done a couple of songs for me already. So we will see how it goes.

Tom

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