Titivating Woman (comments?)

Want your lyics reviewed? Post 'em up!

Moderators: admin, mdc, TAXIstaff

Post Reply
jlt
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2022 5:58 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Flat Lander
Contact:

Titivating Woman (comments?)

Post by jlt » Sat Mar 19, 2022 10:22 am

=================================================
= "Titivating Woman" =
=================================================

AUTHOR: Jerry Lee Taylor (a/k/a Chucky Chopper)

PREMISS: Man loves a woman but the woman keeps flaunting herself when near other guys so the man must eventually leave her.

Rock Song

Example of how it could be used: https://soundcloud.com/user-698453702/titivating-woman

G C...G C...G C G C
<Short Rock Solo Introduction>

A D
Do you really want to be my girl
Are you just saying that to give it a whirl
Will you always be by my side
Staying together never to divide

<Rock Solo>

Will you break my heart when you feel the urge
Leaving me alone in a lonesome lover's purge
You seem to come on to every guy you meet
Looking for some kind of brand new treat

<Rock Solo>

Do you think that you'll ever see the light
Will you ever stop your endless flight
I really try to keep you in my arms
But you keep wanting to flaunt your charms

<Rock Solo>

You titivate yourself when near other guys
That's the reason that I must ask why
Can you be faithful to just one guy
Or should I stand up and say goodbye

<Rock Solo>

I look into your eyes and there's nothing to see
Something happened 'tween you and me
Maybe it's time to just leave me be
'Cause you no longer interdigitate with me

<Rock Solo>

You remind me of the wicked witch
You even make my acnestis itch
I got some real bad news just for you
Better stand down 'cause we're finally through

<Solo Fade Out Conclusion>
Jerry Lee Taylor

User avatar
AlanHall
Serious Musician
Serious Musician
Posts: 1148
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2020 5:46 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Great Black Swamp, northwest Ohio
Contact:

Re: Titivating Woman (comments?)

Post by AlanHall » Tue Jul 26, 2022 12:20 pm

Hey Chucky,

This lyric seems a bit cerebral for the subject matter and style. For example, I'm guessing "interdigitate" means holding hands, but others may need to look it up :lol:
I think each verse starts strong, but some fail to close properly. I know rhyme scheme is important, but some are overused or anachronistic.
"Staying together never to divide" - nobody talks like that. May I humbly suggest rhyming with 'ride', allowing your motorcycle nature to come through?
"But you keep wanting to flaunt your charms" - a bit cliche. And a mouthful.

I'd take this verse
"I look into your eyes and there's nothing to see
Something happened 'tween you and me
Maybe it's time to just leave me be
'Cause you no longer interdigitate with me
"
and replace it with a bridge that connects the protagonist's nagging suspicion
"Or should I stand up and say goodbye"
with his definitive response
"I got some real bad news just for you
Better stand down 'cause we're finally through
"

Hope this helps

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests