Would this work as a wedding song for a sync placement?

[MJLeeman]

Here is a song I have written. I have posted it in this forum to guage whether it would be acceptable for placement as a sync cue, e.g. for a wedding scene, or maybe as a song for a modern female artist (in which case I imagine that I would need to transpose it up a fourth or fifth and get a new vocalist?) I submitted a previous version of the music to last year's RR as a classical guitar piece, but I received TAXI screener feedback that the melody for that piece needed to be more compelling, so I have recently revisited and reworked my original ideas into this song, including coming up with lyrics. I hired a singer but otherwise did all of the rest myself.

https://www.taxi.com/members/nwRU7pygQr ... ll-the-end

Any and all advice as to how I can improve on the track would be gratefully received.

Cheers
Michael

[cosmicdolphin]

It's a nice song and although the singer has a great tone the vocals sound rather robotic - I would back off the Autotune by about 80% as it sounds too fake at the moment, and also I think the phrasing is a bit stiff the way each line flows, there's no shape to it.

Other than that I have no issue with it production wise, it sounds broadcast quality to my ears - I have a couple of nits on the song itself

- My biggest gripe with it , is the lyrics are very ' on the nose ' ( the old, show us don't tell us thing) in the first part of the song ... You fix this around 1:17 and introduce some much needed imagery " As we soar "

- I am struggling to find a hook , I keep expecting one earlier in the song but it never comes and we don't get to it until around 1:16 ( till the end ) . Up to that point I feel like the song , as pretty as it is has no direction

- I like the piano part but I'm not keen on the chord around 24s , I'm not a music theory guy so I can't explain why it sounds wrong to me but it just doesn't feel like it fits well to my ears

- The female vocalist sounds weird later in the song - singing in a male vocal range ?

Great songs are not written , they are re-written. I think if you could improve the lyrics , and alter the structure so we hear your hook sooner and have a less robotic sounding vocal then you'd have a nice song that could get placed.

Mark

[Casey H]

I think cosmicdolphin covered it well. The screener is still right in that there is no compelling melody and it plods along with no hook. The marriage of lyrics and music feels very forced (Didn't intend that pun but it came out).

It might work live if you were a friend or relative playing at an actual wedding but the bar for sync is way higher. And it's not even close to cut by an artist territory as those songs have to be killer, "walk on water".

BTW, music libraries generally want songs that can be pitched for many different types of scenes, so too niche isn't generally good there unless it's for a specific request. Write a drop dead beautiful love song and it might be used for a wedding or other application. Think of songs that get used as wedding songs like "I Love You Just The Way You Are", etc.

Best,
Casey

[MJLeeman]

- My biggest gripe with it , is the lyrics are very ' on the nose ' ( the old, show us don't tell us thing) in the first part of the song ... You fix this around 1:17 and introduce some much needed imagery " As we soar "

Mark

Thank you for your input, Mark. I take it from this comment that it would be better for the lyrics to be more visual in the opening verses. This is an interesting point and one that I imagine could be quite easily addressed with some fresh lyrics. I actually had some imagery in mind when writing the lyrics but I can see that this was not communicated to the listener, at least in the early part of the song. Thanks for pointing this out - I will certainly keep the general observation in mind for any re-write of this song and also for future songs.

Michael

[MJLeeman]

- I like the piano part but I'm not keen on the chord around 24s , I'm not a music theory guy so I can't explain why it sounds wrong to me but it just doesn't feel like it fits well to my ears

Mark

For what it's worth, the piano VST is Noire Pure, which is a Kontakt instrument. On a tip from one of the teachers in a course which I am currently involved in, this piano sound is processed in part by the Waves SSL compressor plug-in, using a preset called Lillywhite Piano.

This chord is an augmented chord (like a sort of stretched out major chord) which in context is used to connect the harmony either side of it and to provide an unexpected dissonance. The chord was occasionally used in early pop music, though I admit it is rarely if ever used nowadays, so maybe a substitute chord might work better.

Michael

[MJLeeman]

- I am struggling to find a hook , I keep expecting one earlier in the song but it never comes and we don't get to it until around 1:16 ( till the end ) . Up to that point I feel like the song , as pretty as it is has no direction

Mark

My intention here was to divide the hook into two, commencing with the end line of the first verse, which is then reprised at the end of the second verse followed by the tag (till the end). I can see that this might not work as effectively as having the tag appear also at the end of the earlier verse. I could maybe try a bit of copying and pasting to see how this might help solve the issue.

Michael

[MJLeeman]

- The female vocalist sounds weird later in the song - singing in a male vocal range ?

Mark

There was only one vocalist featured on this track, a young man based in London.

Michael

[MJLeeman]

I think cosmicdolphin covered it well. The screener is still right in that there is no compelling melody and it plods along with no hook. The marriage of lyrics and music feels very forced (Didn't intend that pun but it came out).

It might work live if you were a friend or relative playing at an actual wedding but the bar for sync is way higher. And it's not even close to cut by an artist territory as those songs have to be killer, "walk on water".

BTW, music libraries generally want songs that can be pitched for many different types of scenes, so too niche isn't generally good there unless it's for a specific request. Write a drop dead beautiful love song and it might be used for a wedding or other application. Think of songs that get used as wedding songs like "I Love You Just The Way You Are", etc.

Best,
Casey

Thanks for your input, Casey. Like the melody, I will keep plodding along and hope that my songwriting skills gradually improve over time.

Cheers
Michael

[MJLeeman]

Over recent months, I did my best to rearrange the format and also tried some editing of the vocalist's phrasing, in response to the critiques posted in this thread, particularly with regards to phrasing and lack of an early hook.

I made the changes in this update some time ago. Since then, I have learned more re production and have acquired some new libraries. So I would do it differently now, compared to previously. So this update is from a few months ago.

Here's the update track from some time ago, and I agree that this well short of Taxi's high bar requirements (though I hope that I have improved a bit since then, for example if I were to submit to the listing now).

My question would be: how might I rearrange to avoid the earlier comment re a melody which "plods along?"

For what it's worth, my process is write, submit, learn, review, revise, repeat.

For me, it is common sense that an aspiring Taxi member should be able to seriously take on board the feedback to improve the next submission. As a continuing student of Taxi's requirements, I fail to see the logic of continuing to follow a procedure which continuously ends in rejection, basically hoping to eventually fluke it.

Cheers
Michael

[MJLeeman]

Here is the update from a couple of months ago (which I neglected to post earlier).

https://www.taxi.com/members/nwRU7pygQr ... march-2023

Cheers
Michael