can you tell me what is wrong?

Songwriting, songwriters, etc

Moderators: admin, mdc, TAXIstaff

Post Reply
Edenrayne
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2022 12:56 pm
Gender: Female
Contact:

can you tell me what is wrong?

Post by Edenrayne » Fri Dec 02, 2022 9:50 am

Hello,
this is the Feedback I received for this song here that I submitted to the listing https://www.taxi.com/listings/S221127DK,
so here is the song:
https://www.taxi.com/my/artist/songs/H3 ... sappearing


Here the feedback I received:
I think you could improve this song by:
I could hear a cut down to streamline the structure ever so slightly along with more modern alt rock sensibilities for this request. Compare with "The Lighthouse" by Halsey for review.
-------------------------------------
English is not my first language, so could someone explain me what "hear a cut down to streamline the structure ever so slightly", I just don't understand at all the meaning of this sentence, even after trying to translate it on google translator.
Thanks a lot!

User avatar
Telefunkin
Serious Musician
Serious Musician
Posts: 2470
Joined: Fri Mar 20, 2015 12:37 pm
Gender: Male
Contact:

Re: can you tell me what is wrong?

Post by Telefunkin » Fri Dec 02, 2022 1:21 pm

Hi Eden,
I'm sorry to say that neither of your links work. The feedback link takes me to the listings page, and the song link takes me to a log in page (because you're the only one who can log in to your account where the song is). All new members have the same problems (and there are loads of posts on these forums about the same thing) so don't worry, it isn't just you. You could search for all the potential solutions but they don't always work either, so its often easier to link to tracks on Soundcloud.

Guided by the wording of the feedback alone, my guess (and that's all it can be) is that the screener is suggesting that you might prune or cut some parts of your song to make it more concise or direct, as well as more appropriate for alt rock. I don't think there's anything any deeper than that in the meaning.

I hope that helps :).
Graham (UK). Still composing a little faster than decomposing, and 100% HI.

User avatar
hummingbird
Total Pro
Total Pro
Posts: 7189
Joined: Tue Jun 15, 2004 11:50 am
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: can you tell me what is wrong?

Post by hummingbird » Sat Dec 03, 2022 9:35 am

Just an added note if you are using Soundcloud make your track(s) private and share the private link here.

That feedback is a little confusing to me as well.
"As we are creative beings, our lives become our works of art." (Julia Cameron)

Shy Singer-Songwriter Blog

Vikki Flawith Music Website

Edenrayne
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2022 12:56 pm
Gender: Female
Contact:

Re: can you tell me what is wrong?

Post by Edenrayne » Sat Dec 03, 2022 11:41 am

thanks a lot for your replies,
Here is the link again from Taxi, this time I copied the track from the link icon, hope it works, if not I will add the song on soundcloud:
https://www.taxi.com/members/gql8-0OUSz ... sappearing

Here I copied/pasted the listing :
S221127DK
Genre: Pop

Closes At: Nov 27, 2022 11:59PM PST

Lots of DARK, MOODY ALT-POP/ROCK SONGS with Female Vocals are needed by a hard-working Music Library with international distribution that's landing thousands of cool placements in TV shows around the globe.

NOTE: We previously ran a similar request as TAXI Listing #S221009GY, but the Company needs MORE material, so they asked us to try again. If you submitted to listing #S221009GY, please send different material this time around.

This Library is on the hunt for Down-to-Mid-Tempo Songs with Female Vocals that could be heard on a playlist with the following references we got directly from them:

WARNING: The references may contain graphic and explicit lyrics. Listener discretion is advised.

"The Lighthouse" by Halsey

"That's Where I Am" by Maggie Rogers

"Spitting Off the Edge of the World" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs feat. Perfume Genius

Quoting the Library: "We need a variety of lyrical content including the following themes: keeping secrets, deceiving, conflict within. And on the other side of the spectrum: empowerment, coming out of one's shell, believing in oneself, confidence, and defending oneself."

Send them top-notch Alt-Pop/Rock Songs that exude a dark, edgy, and moody vibe and feel. Engaging melodies, memorable hooks, well-crafted lyrics centered around the themes mentioned above, and raw, unapologetic, well-performed Female vocals are all needed for this request. Your arrangements should feature gritty instrumentation and be generally competitive with the references and others like them – think heavily distorted guitars, drums, etc. Your production and any virtual instruments or samples you use need to be high-quality and modern, as well.

User avatar
AlanHall
Serious Musician
Serious Musician
Posts: 1146
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2020 5:46 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Great Black Swamp, northwest Ohio
Contact:

Re: can you tell me what is wrong?

Post by AlanHall » Sat Dec 03, 2022 1:05 pm

Edenrayne wrote:
Fri Dec 02, 2022 9:50 am
Here the feedback I received:
I think you could improve this song by:
I could hear a cut down to streamline the structure ever so slightly along with more modern alt rock sensibilities for this request.
I think "I could hear a cut down to streamline the structure ever so slightly" refers to the length of the song. At over 4 1/2 minutes, it's a bit long. And the last minute and so sounds to my ears like an unrelated piece of music tacked onto the end of the song. Was that intentional?

I think "more modern alt rock sensibilities" may refer to the sounds used. Again, to my ears the song sounds more 'electro/EDM' than pop/rock.

Please take my comments as being humbly submitted. I think the song overall is good, gave me a kind of 4AD label vibe. Definitely "alt", but maybe not what the screener was looking for?

Edenrayne
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2022 12:56 pm
Gender: Female
Contact:

Re: can you tell me what is wrong?

Post by Edenrayne » Sun Dec 11, 2022 6:39 am

Ok thank you very much for the reply
Yes the last part of the song was intentional, I just did that song a long time ago, but I agree it might not be really radio friendly or fitting well with the song, it is just in the moment when I did it I thought it was a nice conclusion on the concept of "Disappearing" which is the title of the song, but it's hard to explain with words.

Edenrayne
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2022 12:56 pm
Gender: Female
Contact:

Re: can you tell me what is wrong?

Post by Edenrayne » Sun Dec 11, 2022 7:24 am

AlanHall wrote:
Sat Dec 03, 2022 1:05 pm
. At over 4 1/2 minutes, it's a bit long.
Could you tell me what moment precisely ? because it seems you are referring to the last part of the song? or did you make a mistake and wanted to talk about the chorus part?
I feel that the chorus might not be strong enough, Because there is a long pause between each sentence...But I am not sure I feel it right.

User avatar
AlanHall
Serious Musician
Serious Musician
Posts: 1146
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2020 5:46 pm
Gender: Male
Location: Great Black Swamp, northwest Ohio
Contact:

Re: can you tell me what is wrong?

Post by AlanHall » Sun Dec 11, 2022 7:37 am

Edenrayne wrote:
Sun Dec 11, 2022 7:24 am
AlanHall wrote:
Sat Dec 03, 2022 1:05 pm
. At over 4 1/2 minutes, it's a bit long.
Could you tell me what moment precisely ? because it seems you are referring to the last part of the song? or did you make a mistake and wanted to talk about the chorus part?
I feel that the chorus might not be strong enough, Because there is a long pause between each sentence...But I am not sure I feel it right.
Right about 3:15 the music shifts, to my ears at least, and the final minute-something doesn't seem to be an integral part of the piece. That's what I'm hearing.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests