Need help theming lyric in a creative way!

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NickP
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Need help theming lyric in a creative way!

Post by NickP » Wed Mar 15, 2023 1:16 pm

Hi all,

I'm currently writing a country pop tune and, so far, I have a solid melody and q solid arrangement, but I need to rewrite the lyrics to cohere around a consistent set of imagery. A good example is 'Whiskey and Rain' by Michael Ray, where nearly every line contains some kind of marriage of hard liquor and weather. It's a set of pretty easily understood metaphors about the aftermath of a relationship breaking apart. It's an interesting exercise in songwriting craft, because these are nothing like the sort of lyrics I usually write.

The general subject of mine is (guess what?) relationships again, but I just need to pick a route. The current set of lyrics are mostly quite generic, but there are a couple of interesting turns of phrase that could each point in a different lyrical direction. They are:

1) A cautionary phrase about letting go, otherwise you'll never really be a complete person again.

Or it will
Tear you apart
Cleave you in two
And both halves won't make the whole of you


2) This one is a fairly obvious rumination on the phrase 'bittersweet', which many break ups are.

The music’s got that bittersweet air
But everyone focuses on the bitter…when the sweet is still there


The full, cobbled-together lyric is below for further context(which itself has a vague thread running through it about music). I feel like both could provide the contextual basis for a lyric. Any thoughts on it all would be appreciated!

—------------------
LYRIC

(Verse)

I'm standing in this bar
But I don't want no company
The waitress she knows it
So it's just the jukebox and me

(Pre-Chorus)

I want to remain in this moment
Even though the song is closing fast
I want to replace all these melodies
Let the present become past

(Chorus)

You can be
Glad it happened
Sad it's gone
Just don't be holding on

Or it will
Tear you apart
Cleave you in two
And both halves won't make the whole of you

And yeah, the music’s got that bittersweet air
But everyone focuses on the bitter
When the sweet is still there

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hummingbird
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Re: Need help theming lyric in a creative way!

Post by hummingbird » Fri Mar 17, 2023 7:25 am

Hi. I feel the verse and pre-chorus do not pay off into a chorus that states what has happened, it continues in the same vein of alluding to something. We don't know why you want to remain in this moment. On the other hand if I look at the chorus I like it, but I don't know the context/story that lead to those words. If you like this chorus, then you need to write verses that tell us in visual images, what has happened.

this says I don't want this moment to end
I want to remain in this moment
Even though the song is closing fast


this says I want this to disappear
I want to replace all these melodies
Let the present become past


I think what I'm saying is, I see different ideas in what you have, and maybe the issue with the lyric is that it's not telling one story. I suggest sitting down and just writing the story in prose without the need to rhyme or have meter. What has happened, etc. Picture it like a scene from a movie where we see the male character standing in a bar listening to a song, then we see his memories of how they met dancing to that song, and why he doesn't want the moment to end.

Just some thoughts...

I'm standing in (Joe's old tattered) bar
(straight-up Irish whiskey bitter in my throat)
(feeling the weight of her wedding ring in the pocket of my dirty work shirt)
the song she loved starts to play

(Pre-Chorus)
I want to remain in this moment

Chorus
God let me please hold on
to everything she was
even if it tears me apart
cleaves me in two
she was the sweetest thing I ever knew


HTH
"As we are creative beings, our lives become our works of art." (Julia Cameron)

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NickP
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Re: Need help theming lyric in a creative way!

Post by NickP » Fri Mar 17, 2023 7:47 am

hummingbird wrote:
Fri Mar 17, 2023 7:25 am
Hi. I feel the verse and pre-chorus do not pay off into a chorus that states what has happened, it continues in the same vein of alluding to something. We don't know why you want to remain in this moment. On the other hand if I look at the chorus I like it, but I don't know the context/story that lead to those words. If you like this chorus, then you need to write verses that tell us in visual images, what has happened.

this says I don't want this moment to end
I want to remain in this moment
Even though the song is closing fast


this says I want this to disappear
I want to replace all these melodies
Let the present become past


I think what I'm saying is, I see different ideas in what you have, and maybe the issue with the lyric is that it's not telling one story. I suggest sitting down and just writing the story in prose without the need to rhyme or have meter. What has happened, etc. Picture it like a scene from a movie where we see the male character standing in a bar listening to a song, then we see his memories of how they met dancing to that song, and why he doesn't want the moment to end.

Just some thoughts...

I'm standing in (Joe's old tattered) bar
(straight-up Irish whiskey bitter in my throat)
(feeling the weight of her wedding ring in the pocket of my dirty work shirt)
the song she loved starts to play

(Pre-Chorus)
I want to remain in this moment

Chorus
God let me please hold on
to everything she was
even if it tears me apart
cleaves me in two
she was the sweetest thing I ever knew


HTH
I appreciate the feedback, but it's unfortunately not really what I was asking about. My fault for including the verse and pre-chorus probably, because they are entirely placeholder. The question is what thematic imagery to go with. The story can then use those thematic devices to give it colour and depth. In this case, it's either the notion that holding onto a relationship that is over will pull you in two different directions ultimately, or considering the sweet over the bitter, tough as it may seem. Those both seem like seeds to grow an entire lyric out of from scratch

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