On a scale of one to ten, how offensive is this ditty

[feaker66]

I put this together today. Might get the ole taxi boot? 1 1/2 minutes

https://soundcloud.com/feaker66/wiggle-wiggle

Wiggle wiggle

I’m not supposed to notice but she wiggles when she walks D
I’m not the only one who’s lookin.. others have talked D G A
Some might say disgusting ..it’s simply wrong to mock
I’ve tried, but I can’t stop G A D

Wiggle wiggle jiggle’n I’m in a trance again G A D Bm
Shore do make me smile G A D
Wiggle wiggle jiggle’n makes me wanna sing G A D Bm
Just keep on a shakin that thing G A D

Reminds me of two alley cats a-fighting in a gunny sack D
I should be embarrassed by this visual attack D G A
Just thinkin bout that wiggle wiggle makes me a such a wreck D
Maybe I’m a true redneck G A D

Wiggle wiggle jiggle’n I’m in a trance again
Shore do make me smile
Wiggle wiggle jiggle’n makes me wanna sing
Just keep on a shakin that thing

[VanderBoegh]

Haha, not offensive to me at all. Though, the content of the lyrics doesn't seem to match with the sweet sounding folk music playing behind them.

Thanks for the listen!

~~Matt

[Casey H]

It's the lyric "G A D Bm" that gets me!

[feaker66]

Haha, not offensive to me at all. Though, the content of the lyrics doesn't seem to match with the sweet sounding folk music playing behind them.

Thanks for the listen!

~~Matt

Hi Matt Not much "in your face" punch with my acoustic guitar. Never thought about it, but tomorrow I'm gonna try the electric guitars and even more interesting lyrics. ha ha
Thanks for the comments

[feaker66]

It's the lyric "G A D Bm" that gets me!

Yeah I shouldn't have abbreviated "great a dandy bowel movement" You are too funny Casey. best to you

[Paulie]

"Offense" today is entirely subjective. One man's "funny" is another person's "I'M GOING TO SUE YOU!"

[feaker66]

"Offense" today is entirely subjective. One man's "funny" is another person's "I'M GOING TO SUE YOU!"

Hi Paulile. I thought i would get cute with my 19 year old grandaughter. I am hoping she will talk to me again some day. I might be crude, but this is how my buds and i kid around. peace

ps I have started both a polka and rock version for comparison. Yes, in our band we still play the polka.

[superblonde]

Wiggle wiggle

this is highly offensive lyric but not for the reasons you believe. it is because it mixes perspective so is poetically insulting to artistic sensibilities:

v1 line 1 creates a POV to 1st person "I'm this and that", with participation in the event
v1 line 3 changes POV to 3rd person "some might say", with negative perspective of the event
v1 line 4 changes POV back to 1st person but with differing perspective of prior line again, "i cant stop" (emotes "Wrongfulness")

so the overall meaning of v1 is: what the huh?


chorus implies the event is pleasant: "makes me smile"/"makes me wanna sing"; but this contradicts v1 line 3 and especially 1st person POV v1 line 4 "i can't stop"
and c1 line 4 continues this confusion "keep on doing it"


v3 is another round of confusion, whether the event is positive or negative:
alley cats fighting: negative
should be embarrassed: negative
visual attack: highly negative
line 4: celebratory positive?
...so it is a directional mess.

PICK ONE direction and write from that perspective.

pretty sure Robin Frederick has a chapter in her book on this very topic.

so thus the reason it is an insulting song is because it is simply bad lyricism, irrespective of the poor metaphor and poor use of racial slur (redneck, etc).

[Casey H]

Superblonde,

Robin could also teach you some things about giving feedback. (1) What is the writer's purpose for the song? In this case, Feaker is just writing for fun and personal use, not for pitching to artists or for Film/TV. Without knowing the purpose, you really can't give a worthwhile critique. (2) You never use an attacking, demeaning tone when giving a critique. When you do, any and all value is erased.

This is just a little fun thing that Feaker put together. And while your points about POV consistency when writing lyrics are technically correct, it's also possible to take them to extremes as you've done here. I doubt anyone reading these lyrics has any confusion about what he's saying. Obviously, you wouldn't pitch this song for a high bar artist listing. Sometimes someone is just having fun.

Lighten up,
Casey

[feaker66]

Superblonde,

Robin could also teach you some things about giving feedback. (1) What is the writer's purpose for the song? In this case, Feaker is just writing for fun and personal use, not for pitching to artists or for Film/TV. Without knowing the purpose, you really can't give a worthwhile critique. (2) You never use an attacking, demeaning tone when giving a critique. When you do, any and all value is erased.

This is just a little fun thing that Feaker put together. And while your points about POV consistency when writing lyrics are technically correct, it's also possible to take them to extremes as you've done here. I doubt anyone reading these lyrics has any confusion about what he's saying. Obviously, you wouldn't pitch this song for a high bar artist listing. Sometimes someone is just having fun.

Lighten up,
Casey

Hi Casey. I decided not to hastily comment and give her remarks some thought. I also don't get the "super" part. I post here on taxi because I like the interaction. Her simple answer would have been your lyrics suck, or this is so demeaning.
I once had my hood open with an engine problem alongside of the road. A guy pulls up and tells me he thinks I have a clogged air filter. I just pulled out my wallet and showed him my master mechanics license and he promptly left.
Back to the song. We have known each other for a long time and have come to realize i do this for fun only. Thanks for taking the time . I was waiting for a little mixed in humor as well.