"Take You Home" - ROUGH, NOT A PRODUCTION

[SusanAnnNorberg]

Lyrics
There's a light that leads me to your face
I'm drawn in like a moth drawn to a flame
It's chemical, I have no control, oh no
And I know I will never be the same


you could even name the light

I saw your face under barroom light
now I'm drawn to you like the moth in-flight
it's chemical… Got no control… UH ..Oh
............UH OHHHHHHHHHHHH

[feaker66]

I like this song so much I can't help myself. Hard to change one's original thoughts?? I was thinking the word tame in the second line. sounds like your mind is almost quickly out of control?

There's a light that leads me to your face
and inner want I can not tame

this flame is born I can not tame

an instant yearn I can not tame

I know not where this vision came

ha ha good luck Casey

[Casey H]

Thanks friends. I really like this song too. I'm always re-writing the lyrics as well. As you mentioned, Peter, it's always hard to get the first thing you came up with out of your head.

As I'm working on verse 2, my biggest dilemma is the actual story line around wanting to take her home. Did they first meet as implied (or even said) here? If so, is it too "forward" to immediately take her home and sleep with her? It's bugging me to go from we just met/I'm taken by you to "let's go to bed".

Or could it be they already know each other and she looks so incredibly beautiful tonight that he wants to just take her home?

I often overthink whether or not I am overthinking.

Best,
Casey

[Casey H]

Updated
Again, a rough for a co-writer or producer NOT A PRODUCTION. Based on feedback I re-wrote some lyrics. I'm not sure if the 2nd verse was there when I first posted. Regarding the "moth to a flame" line in the original, the bigger problem than it being cliche was that the phase was used inappropriately as it usually means drawn in a bad way- a moth gets burned up by the flame. So the verse was rewritten. If you didn't hear the original, pay no attention.

Same bat link, same bat channel... https://s.disco.ac/inqawjkpcxfi

Thanks. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

Casey

PS Singing a bit embarrassing. Maybe when it's produced, I'll have the nerve to let ML play a before and after with the produced version on Taxi TV one day (as I did before)!

[Casey H]

Updated per feedback. Some lyric changes and adjustments where the melody sounded too much like a familiar song.
https://s.disco.ac/zwqifgtvpizc

Thanks!

[deantaylor]

Good work Casey. I like it.

Only minor nit for me is 'disappear' in the second chorus triplet. It's fine, maybe no one will care, but I think 'disappear' works well lyrically/for the meaning in your first triplet, where the following line (you and I all alone) qualifies it. In the second triplet 'disappear' sort of contradicts the following line (taking her home is not really 'disappearing'. it is simply 'getting out of here'). 'disappear' can have larger connotations than what you intend in this song and the possibility for those connotations to 'throw a listener' just a tad exist more in the second triplet. You could consider something like this:

(Chorus)
Can we get out of here?
We could disappear
You and I together all alone

Can we get out of here?
? ? OUT OF HERE
Cos all I want to do is take you home

[Casey H]

Thanks Dean
Your feedback on the song has been very helpful. I think "disappear" is fine both times because the song opens that they are in a crowded place and he wants them to slip away together. That's a constant through the chorus. I once had "Who would really care?" as that line in the 2nd triplet but wasn't sure if it went too much in another direction.

BTW, you and others convinced me to change "two characters falling in love" to "two people in love". A few didn't care for the word "characters" there.

Thanks again!
Casey