Returned...what did I miss?

[benalder]

Hey guys, recent new member, first-time poster.

I recently got returned for listing S240225UN, https://www.taxi.com/listings/S240225UN, PIANO-Based UNDERSCORE INSTRUMENTAL CUES.

Here's my submission: https://www.taxi.com/members/2aaNhPU3TW ... hings-come

The reason for the return in the feedback is that the piece was too repetitive, which I get, as there is repetition in the piece. But the listing specifically asked for simple pieces that centred on one central motif, where the focus for the composer should be layers and textures, and where the desired outcome was not something with multiple complimentary sections. So, I went about writing something simple and tried to focus on the layers and textures without introducing too much by way of melodic and harmonic alteration. Even thought there is a section where the dynamics alter (which I toyed with taking out becuase of the way tip in the listing), it seems that I didn't get the balance right.

I'm coming off the back of a few quick returns in the last week or so, so I know I'm feeling a bit deflated. The feedback for the other pieces is generally quite encouraging, so I know I'm getting closer to a forward. I'm not a pianist, so I didn't have the highest hopes for this one. But I'm confused, as I had that brief open, referred to it often during the process, checked the references regularly and thought for sure I was in the general ball park. Now I think I must have misunderstood something somewhere. I'm new to writing to a brief, so can someone help me out? Was there something I wildly misunderstood from the brief? Any suggestions about how to make it less repetitive without developing it too far the other way?

Thanks in advance for the help!

[macomposer]

Hey Ben,

I can kinda see what the screener was saying here. I didn't end up submitting to this listing, but I did listen to the references.

If my memory is right, they all started super small, and blossomed into something bigger, then ended small again. Your piece starts kinda mid blossom, gets a tad bigger, then goes back to mid blossom, if that makes sense. (It's similar to what you hear with a lot of trailer tracks now: they're really small and intimate sounding to begin, get huge, then [usually] end up quiet again at the end, but in a slightly different way.)

In terms of the repetition, yeah, it's a fine line. I can see where the screener would say that it was too repetitive, but the brief says one motif. I think the form musically is ok... but there are things you could do to give it more variation while sticking to one motif... The first thing to consider is varying the octave of your piano pattern - it's sitting in the middle register around middle C the whole time. You can make things bigger immediately by doubling that at the octave above (but not the whole time).

After a second listen, I also notice that you have other piano things happening to build the piece... perhaps move these to a rhodes or wurlitzer or some other timbre to give a better contrast. If that worked, then you could use that other stuff to make what we music theory people called an A' (A prime) section. It's not a different section of music, it's a variation. You loose the main motif for 4 bars (or something), we listen to the other stuff (that's been there the whole time), maybe layer in one new non-distracting instrument and or line, and then it's back to your main motif.

Just a couple ideas. I like the piece - I think it's close and worthy of a re-write.

All the best - Mark

[benalder]

Hey Mark,

Thanks so much for taking the time to listen and reply. I really appreciate it! Those are some really clear tips for how to improve it, I'll take them onboard and play around with it next week. Glad to hear that it's not miles away from being usable. Crazy thing: my instinct was to add more variation, but was second-guessing myself often due to amount of strees on the 'stick to one motif' tip, and kept pulling it back. Definitely a fine line.

If you're up for it, could I post the updated version for some feedback once it's done? I'm not a complete amateur, but started out more of a self-taught guitarist, and piano is very much a third or fourth instrument. Another pair of ears would be super helpful in getting it out of that too repetitive category. Thanks again for the help so far!

[macomposer]

Sure - happy to listen to help...

And I understand the second-guessing.. been there, done that.. It's something I think we all struggle with from time to time.