Emotional Adult Contemporary ballad/duet

[CTWF]

This is supposed to be an emotional Adult Contemporary ballad/duet (demo quality vocals) with an 80s touch. Not for a TAXI listing.

--> https://soundcloud.com/ctwf/united/s-aN1bhibmW3t (updated version)

Any comments are welcome!

Tom/CTWF

----- LYRICS -----

United

VERSE

So little gain
For all this pain
A broken heart
Pieces apart
How much a person can take
Before they totally break
Who knows
Who gives a damn about it

It can be tough
To carry on
When things go wrong
But don't give up
Because there is someone here
Who knows how hard life can be
You're not alone

CHORUS

I'm here, I care
Always been at your side
You're not alone
Cause we're in this together

VERSE

The body bruised
An old soul, used
The daily grind
No end in sight
How much a person can take
Before they totally break
Who knows
Who gives a damn about it

It can be tough
To carry on
When things go wrong
But don't stay down
Together we will get up
Take life step by step
You're not alone

CHORUS

We're here, we care
Always been at your side
You're not alone
Cause we stand united

[funsongs]

This is supposed to be an emotional Adult Contemporary duet (demo quality vocals) with an 80s touch. Not for a TAXI listing.
--> https://soundcloud.com/ctwf/united/s-zjhz3Bzdtc0
Any comments are welcome!
Tom/CTWF

Well, Tom - TBH:
seems to be a lack of 'prosody' - as I understand it: music-matching-the-mood of the storyline.
The music and tempo are upbeat - while right from the first Verse the lyrics paint quite a gloomy picture.

There's contrast - which is normally a good thing to have in the lyrics;
the Chorus has a hopeful sentiment.

Maybe if you continue the contrast in the music as well - and make the 'darker' lyrics reflected in
and mated to some darker tones/chords/melody.

2 cents from The Peanut Gallery.

[CTWF]

2 cents from The Peanut Gallery.

Thanks Peter! Yes, it's supposed to be hopeful, but still emotional. I thought making it too dark - even if just in places - might make it problematic for sync (EDITed: I mean changing moods in-track). But I see your point.

Cheers,
Tom

[CTWF]

In case anyone wonders: The voices are (commercially cleared) AI from ACE Studio. Believe me - you prefer that over me trying to sing it ... The idea would be to get proper vocalists on any final version.

[CTWF]

Updated version. ^^

[JimOfferman]

Hey Tom!

I think you have the beginnings of a very catchy tune that you should develop further - but with different, happier lyrics, as Peter already mentioned. If you are really aiming for an 80s vibe, I also believe you should change up the arrangement and instrumentation. We're talking about the era of Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This (Eurythmics) and Joyride (Rosette). The current arrangement, to me, sounds like it would be more at home in the early 00s, when Barbie Girl (Aqua) was on the radio.

Alternatively, if you wish to keep the current melody and words together, maybe listen to tracks like The Rose (Bette Middler) and Nothing Compares 2 U (Sinead O' Connor) and try to inject that type of pathos and vibe into your song?

Good luck!
Jim.

[Casey H]

You got some good stuff there. The melody, to me, feels very"show tune" like. So a lot depends on the target. I could hear this in "Wicked" or other musical. I wouldn't put it in the AC genre, even 80s.

There can be a home for anything and everything as long as you have a clear idea of what types of pitches it might work for.

Good luck!
Casey

[CTWF]

Jim, Casey - thanks for listening and for the comments!