Feel Like Losing Faith In Yourself!

[ernstinen]

Quote:it's funny. i'm a music teacher, but i studied performance in a pretty good university and on the first day of school, the music program director sat us down in the huge auditorium and welcomed all the new students with a question: "what the hell are you studying music for? you're very intelligent people; you could be lawyers, doctors, engineers, businesspeople . . . so many more practical and pragmatic paths. why are you [essentially] taking your education to buy a lottery ticket in this music industry?" needless to say, as a first year (first DAY!!) student, this was a bit daunting being the same thing i've heard from parents/teachers/etc when i told them i was going to be a musician. only this time, it was the guy who i was dumping THOUSANDS into teaching me! anyway, after a bit of silence and awkwardness in the auditorium, he answered in an almost hushed tone: "because we have to. it's who we are; part of us" Heheh! I had a similar experience (without the piece of wisdom at the end):My first teacher in the UCLA film scoring program summed up his experience for us like this --- "The highlight of writing a score is to hear it being performed on the soundstage by a professional orchestra. It's all downhill from there. The film's producer, director, music editor etc. all get involved and rip your art to pieces. You end up with a shell of your creative vision. It's a terrible, dog-eat-dog profession to get into."We sat in stunned silence. I give him credit for steering me into composing concert music.Ern

[zink]

Hey there Daff,Sorry to hear your getting down. Everyone gets beat up in this business. It's just the nature of the beast. The way I see it, you can either let it get you down or you can let it motivate you. Personally, whenever some tells me I can't do something or that I'm not doing something well, I lick my wounds and them prove them wrong. However, you can't take this mentality too far. It's healthier to view this as a competition with yourself, and not a competition against other people. There's way too much of the later.FWIWZoh yeah, here's a quick example from my own experience. During the winter break of my sophomore year (I was a piano major), I decided to learn this great big 20 some page monstrosity. I worked my arse off and learned it. I was so proud that I could play it. But when i played it in my first lesson of the next semester, my teacher looked at me and said, "that was very nice, what was it?" as if to say I butchered it so badly that it's wasn't recognizable. That burned, but it also motivated me to work harder and within a few more weeks (and some intense lessons) I was playing it well and had it cookin by jurys.

[daffsongwriter]

Well a big thank you to all of you. I can see I am not the only one with similar feelings. Happily I am quite thick skinned so that is good as like you rightly said you have to be in the music business, and I do speak my mind in a constructive manner, and usually give good advice to others. Every now and then though I guess I need that good advice too and now I have from you lot.I think my main problem is I get impatient with myself. Your right, we are our own worse critics, I totally agree. I sang a song to hubby once and he thought it was great, I tore it to peices, he said I was too hard on myself. Where as today, I was just singing while washing up without thinking too much into it, and even I thought it was ok. Mmm. Working full time in a job I dont particulary relish, it just isnt me, in a suit sitting in an office all day on a computer and listening to jumped up pricks in suits who think they know it all but really have no power whatsoever, I work in Local Government!! Also find it tiring when it comes to music practise in the week after work, another hitch. Weekends are ok. Trying to keep up with demanding friends, cheesy work functions which I always try and get out of and my own music practise can be quite a challenge. I have actually told people now that I am putting the music first so arrangements for other things are to the minimum. Sometimes you gotta tell em ha ha!!What I really want to do is get on in music and out of the office, but, because I have a mortgage, married and although hubby is very supportive with the music and we dont have kids, no plans to either, he wouldnt relish the idea of me packing up work to pursue a music career, but that is what I would like to do, plus I dont really know where is best to pass on demos to etc when I feel that they are ready. I am a member of a songwriting association so there is a start.All I can do is not lose faith, keep practising and enjoy it, I guess I cant just sit there and hope an opportunity comes to me, I have to get looking.I have always wanted to move out of England to the States, hubby wont budge but it may come to the time when I will give him an ultimatum, this is how strongly I do feel about moving away. I wouldnt just up and move without thought, I am in the process of researching so it would be done properly. I feel there is no scope for musicians in England. I am 38 too and paranoid that I am getting too old to get further forward and maybe make something of it. I know you lot will tell me off for saying that but at least having found this site and registered I can air it off my chest to people that understand.Thanks again you lot and take care, chat soon. Sorry if that was so longwinded. Cor Im out of breath now ha ha.Hugs, Daff xx

[gitarrero]

..well I think believing in yourself also depends on your "background" - for example if there wasn't anybody around who encouraged you when growing up BUT you worked on your art and finally succeed, that gives you a diffrent kind of attitude as if your friends/family likes your stuff but then you get that terrible critique for example.. do you know what I mean?So I think it depends (also) on our very individual background, and of course on our personality.It's defenitly no shame or something. I think it's just important to clear _for you_ what exactly your background was/is and all that stuff - not only for your art but also for you as a person.That's my point of view.Martin

[hummingbird]

I think Martin's saying that we receive critiques, feedback & returns filtered through our past experiences. I think it is also very true that we songwriters/artists are emotionally attached to our work and it is difficult to see it as a) separate from us, and b) flawed in the eyes of someone else. I think it's really important to remember that the product of your labours is separate from your value as a person or artist. Every performer has a bad gig. Every artist has a canvas they have to whitewash over and start again. Every songwriter is going to write not-so-great songs or non-commercial songs on the road to writing well. Being an artist (and a person) is a process, and you never truly get "there", because even if today you write that amazing hit song that everyone is gaga over... well, what are you going to wake up and do tomorrow? Sure, you'll celebrate for awhile... but then what? Is that it? The last song you'll ever write? Or will you still be collecting titles, brainstorming ideas, writing down snippets on napkins & envelopes, coming up with two bars of a melody you can't get out of your head? Or will you still be a writer because there's nothing else that makes you feel so alive as picking up the guitar at 4am and putting chord progressions to the melody that popped into your head in the middle of the night?H

[daffsongwriter]

More good points, thanks, I have to say I have grown up in music, my mum plays the piano and years ago when I was young she was playing every day. My stepdad played the guitar and did join a small pub band, stepbrother, I actually helped him build up his band and he has become a good musician, unfortunately his work has swayed him away from music a little as he works away a lot. My dad, he used to be in a jazz band years ago, and me, I have always been involved with music, i.e. at school, then I was in a brass band for 3 years, had a break for about 15 years, oopsy, now the last few years I have gotten back into songwriting and playing. I think for those years I had the break, all my friends, boyfriends were just not into music in the way I was, there didnt seem to be the live bands but as I have got older, I have got familiar with more band members and have a lot of great friends in the music field.I am tackling November Rain on the keyboard at the moment, its coming on ok, I am also finding that recording myself and playing back is good, a real laugh also watching myself playing the guitar and singing, its the facial expressions, but it is also good for spotting the errors. I also record the keyboard too and will do every day and then at the weekend, listen to both instruments and hopefully I will see and hear an improvement. Its interesting to see the progress on a screen but bloody weird watching oneself ha ha.I guess I just need to relax, enjoy my music, and be patient, reading all your great advice is just lovely, so thank you once again, I am really glad I joined Taxi. You have all been great. I hope I repay the favour soon.Hugs xx

[jchitty]

Hang in there, Daff. I'm 52 years old with some gray hair and wrinkles starting to show. I've had people tell me, 'umm, aren't you a bit old to be starting in the music biz now?" Add to that, that I'm just learning to play the guitar, and the odds are less in my favor. Most people in my environment are supportive, but there are always naysayers and people who might not want you to succeed for one reason or the other. When it gets right down to it, if you have a goal or a dream, it's up to you to believe in yourself. My goal is to have a hit song in 3 to 4 years....I know it will take that long, but I love to write songs. And if that never happens, then a little goal adjustment will happen....I'll end up being content just to play those songs for family and friends.From what I've read of your posts, you sound talented, so keep it up. And besides, it's kind of fun to hang in there and 'keep on keeping on' when the naysayers doubt you.....having a little pluck and grit goes a long way. And it's okay to get discouraged and down sometimes too, because we all do. If a had a nickle for everytime I said, "it's never gonna happen, I'll never get to where I think I should be."

[daffsongwriter]

Ah thank you jchitty for your kind reply.I feel a lot happier, you lot were so right with what you said and it has helped boost my spirits so a big hug for all of you.I shall keep you posted upon progress - learning all the GnR stuff on keyboards at the mo (probably what is stressing me a little although I am enjoying it) as I am, all being well and it takes off, joining a GnR Tribute band in April (gulp), so hence the heavy practise regime.This weekend I am having a wee break from it all though and will be concentrating on my own songs, that will do me good. As it says in my Bio of my website I seem to get most my songwriting stuff done when I visit my gran for the weekend. Its very true.Oh someone mentioned in one of the posts about waking up at 4a.m with a lyric or a tune, yes I have been know frequently to wake up with a tune in my head and gone in my music room and played it, wrote the lyric down. Its quite funny when it happens.Thanks again and take care.xxx

[arkjack]

I have been in music for thirty or more years. I've had more than a few times I had given up trying to "sell" my music. Like a 10 year hiatus...... TAXI was the spark that got me setting it as a goal again....that there are possibilities. And setting it as a goal...I see it is a tough competetive field and hard road to hoe....but if I give up, the goal will never be realized. Everytime the Powerball lotto jackpot goes over $150 million, I go out and buy something at the music store to add to my gear to make better recordings. There is a much higher probability of success from the investment. Keep the music playing and best of luck.....