Rebound Girl

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Haywire
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Rebound Girl

Post by Haywire » Sat Jun 26, 2010 11:41 am

Hi everyone/anyone!
I thought it would make more sense to ask for feedback BEFORE submitting instead of after, as I have done in the past (duh).
This is a song that I recently wrote and demo-ed - and I kind of felt it was a lighthearted John Mayer type of song . So I'm wondering,... is it?
This is the listing:
CONTEMPORARY SINGER-SONGWRITER-type SONGS a la John Mayer, Sara Bareilles, Natasha Bedingfield, etc., are needed by the President of the New Music division of a Major Label to pitch to artists on the label roster. Songs must strong, distinctive hooks, radio-friendly melodies and well-crafted lyrics with plenty of substance. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyric sheets. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than Friday, July 9, 2010. TAXI #S100709SS

Thanks for your ears and general comments,
Haywire
"Rebound Girl"
www.taximusic.com/haywire

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Re: Rebound Girl

Post by bfl » Sat Jun 26, 2010 2:52 pm

hey man - getting a 404 not found on your taxi page

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garrettmiller
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Re: Rebound Girl

Post by garrettmiller » Sat Jun 26, 2010 3:13 pm


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Re: Rebound Girl

Post by bfl » Sat Jun 26, 2010 3:59 pm

sounds pretty good - maybe a tricky thing for someone to sing about as a topic, based on what a "rebound girl" would be, but might fit fine in the genre

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Re: Rebound Girl

Post by ottlukk » Sat Jun 26, 2010 7:40 pm

Haywire:
Liked the melody, production, cadence. You have a great voice, very appealing. I think you have a bit of a problem with the premise of this song. Even though it's about a girl, it's a 'rebound girl". The guy's all happy that he's found some girl to party with after his last girl dumped him. She's his "rebound girl"? Will any female alive embrace this attitude? And the male point of view here? Celebrating that he's got a "rebound girl"? What male would admit that to a new lover, that she's his "rebound girl", after he's been dumped? Much less sing about it? Your problem with this tune is that it does not have a "target audience", unless it's selfish self-absorbed males.
This is a song about a male into himself. I try not to be overly critical on my posts, but the premise of this song really bothered me.
Though I'll repeat that I like the production and your voice.
Ott

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Re: Rebound Girl

Post by Haywire » Sun Jun 27, 2010 1:08 am

Hi Ott,
Thanks for the positve comments and the topical observations. You are correct that if taken too seriously , the guy could seem like a creep. My approach was meant to be lighthearted. I mean, you know how guys don't want to admit that they really love a girl, so they act tough and detached. Well, that's one of the undertones here. Having said that, he only has good things to say about the girl. Nevertheless, as you said correctly , it could also be a self absorbed person.You notice that in your reply you said " what guy would ADMIT that" and that word 'admit' implies that guys are certainly thinking it.
I'm trying to imagine the tv/film placement of this kind of idea and I can picture this guy in many a romantic comedy . I don't think you should be 'botherd' by it. It's a typical dude thinking how cool it would be to have a girl that doesn't want any ties, commitment, etc.; not exactly a new concept .
Believe me, I certainly wasn't trying to be misogynistic and I don't think the song is either. In a way though , I'm glad it has stirred up your feelings. Thanks again .

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Re: Rebound Girl

Post by deantaylor » Sun Jun 27, 2010 3:12 am

...
Nice melody. Catchy. I like it.

Ott may have a point on the lyric. Give it a try. See what the screener says.

Remember this listing is looking for songs to pitch to artists on the label roster, so how it plays on film-tv is really not important. How it plays on radio is what's important. That is where Ott may have a point.

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Re: Rebound Girl

Post by Casey H » Sun Jun 27, 2010 7:08 am

CONTEMPORARY SINGER-SONGWRITER-type SONGS a la John Mayer, Sara Bareilles, Natasha Bedingfield, etc., are needed by the President of the New Music division of a Major Label to pitch to artists on the label roster. Songs must strong, distinctive hooks, radio-friendly melodies and well-crafted lyrics with plenty of substance. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyric sheets. All submissions will be screened and critiqued by TAXI and must be received no later than Friday, July 9, 2010. TAXI #S100709SS
Hi Haywire
Just a note that it's best to post lyrics when asking for peer reviews. Lyrics are not available to others (except screeners) on your taxi page, even when a song is public.

Very catchy tune... :D Some things to consider... The listing calls for contemporary sounding songs and this has a much more retro sound, a little Hall and Oates 80's like. The lyrics might also lean that way too. If the lyrics paint the guy in a negative light, that also is a problem for artist pitches (and others sometimes). Usually artists won't sing something they don't want to be identified with. You might want to change "sex on the beach" to something else- more subtle, less overtly sexual (not that it doesn't work well in the song). It could limit your options.

The song is very good. Sometimes it's better to take a song where it best leads. If it were my song, I'd go for a film/TV 'a la', maybe 80's a la Hall and Oates or other similar retro act. For film/TV, it's more important that you sound like SOMETHING than what you sound like. Retro is not at all a bad word as long as the song can readily be identified as a la an artist, genre, and/or era. As part of that, I'd do some lyric re-write to make the chorus something positive about a girl as opposed to girl(s) you use to get over a breakup... Instead of "rebound" girl, something else. I can see this chorus as being really positive about a special girl--- your [fill in new word] girl"...

Good luck! I enjoyed!

:) Casey

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Re: Rebound Girl

Post by Haywire » Sun Jun 27, 2010 9:58 am

Thanks Casey,
I thought the lyrics on the home page were accessible to everyone. Thanks for that info. (here they are)
After the always useful comments from Ott and yourself, I'm trying to figure out what I need to hold on to and what Ineed to change around. I get the retro Hall & Oates reference, but at the same time I hear retro in John Mayer's music who to me hasn't exactly broken new sonic ground. His persona/image etc., to me is the contemporary hip part of him , while his music is Clapton, James Taylor and yes, Hall & Oates. But, I'm going to take your advice and look out for a retro-film and tv listing as well.
I'm still unsure about the lyric debate on my song. I can see the line "sex on the beach" as limiting
(even though it is also a popular cocktail) but the overall "Rebound Girl " theme still seems harmless and fun to me. I just don't see the guy or his 'rebound girl' in a negative light . You will notice that the guy isn't calling her this to her face in a put down way and then he only has good things to say about her.
I guess it's always safer to be as generic a spossible in the song pitching world but I also
think the fear of offending someone has gotten misplaced here.
Thank you once again for your input.
Haywire

Rebound Girl

Dragging my feet wont make it better
two weeks was long enough to waste
time to pull myself together
get back into the human race
I'm gonna put this mess behind me
dispose of all the evidence
a breakup leads you to a breakdown
love doesn't always make much sense

She can cure me with a kiss
heal my heavy heart
she knows how to rock my world
she's my rebound girl
Cure me with a kiss
I'll be coming back for more
give the wheel another whirl
looking for my rebound girl

She's got a shoulder I can cry on
she doesn't care about my past
she isn't looking for commitment
who knows how long it's gonna last
I don't analyze the situation
my heart will soon be on the mend
sex on the beach is therapeutic
my trouble's coming to an end

She can cure me with a kiss
heal my broken heart
she knows how to rock my world
she's my rebound girl

She understands my situation
she don't ask me,
she don't ask me for anything at all
and she makes me want to
jump with joy

Cure me with a kiss
heal my broken heart
get me back into the world
my one and only rebound girl

she's my,my,my,my,my

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Re: Rebound Girl

Post by Len911 » Sun Jun 27, 2010 12:32 pm

Haywire I loved it! The only problem might be contemporary, because it does have a 70's vibe to it, it started out sounding like Jackson Brown and as it got started sounded more Hall and Oates to my ears.
https://soundcloud.com/huck-sawyer-finn
Not an expert on contemporary music

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