return for Teen pop song

[tagast]

I posted for S130613PO (which seems to be a broken link when I try to get to the original listing) and was returned.

"Contemporary Female Mid-Uptempo HIT Pop Songs a la Demi Lovato, Bridgit Mendler, Selena Gomez, etc. for a young, Major Label artist. Edgy, youthful lyrics, killer production and BIG hooks. Vocal and instrumental presentation must be top-notch."

This was my review:

Thank you for submitting, "This Was Made 4 U," Trevor. I appreciate the uplifting, fun vibe, interesting production and musicianship. Nice job!
Overall, the style of this piece isn't quite similar to the example artists' material mentioned here. If you take a listen to some of their current HIT singles, pay particular attention to tight Pop song structures, an infectious, flowing melody that makes you want to sing along from beginning to end and fresh, lyrical imagery/language that appeals to today's modern, youthful Pop audiences. These are some of the key factors they're looking for here and areas that I feel your material differs from the needs expressed.
I hope this feedback is helpful to you. Thanks, again, for sharing your work with us and best of luck to you!
Solid production, nice musicianship and expressive vocals. Style isn't similar to the requests of this listing and lacks a current, competitive sound. Structure is a bit hard to follow and could have a more cohesive quality. Melody/lyric could have a more compelling, memorable quality.

I'm very tired of being returned for being off-target. I'm so sick of TAXI I'd be happy to hear feedback from someone I'm not paying.

The track is on my TAXI page.

[tagast]

Here's the listing:

CONTEMPORARY POP SONGS that would appeal to fans of Demi Lovato, Bridgit Mendler, Selena Gomez, etc., are needed by the Head of A&R at a Major Label. He needs songs for a hot young star with a killer voice. Your lyric themes can be a bit edgy with a focus on boys, relationships, dancing, etc. However, this artist is still pretty young, so remember to keep it youthful. Because this is a Pop listing, having killer production on your demo will go a long way, and as always, BIG hooks are a must! Don't be afraid to think outside of the box a little. Give them something fresh! They're looking for a hit that can take the artist to the top.

[andygabrys]

1st verse at 0:20 or so IMO would have put this song over if you would have stuck with that sound - maybe not for this listing, but for other poppy kinda stuff. slightly electro simple drum beat, propulsive guitars - kind of Pink-Esque. If you rebuilt the rhythm track with that kinda feel and built it I be you could have thing go someplace.

off beat hats in chorus killed this one for me.

sorry you are down about this. a thick skin will help you weather the storm.

[Casey H]

Thank you for submitting, "This Was Made 4 U," Trevor. I appreciate the uplifting, fun vibe, interesting production and musicianship. Nice job!
Overall, the style of this piece isn't quite similar to the example artists' material mentioned here. If you take a listen to some of their current HIT singles, pay particular attention to tight Pop song structures, an infectious, flowing melody that makes you want to sing along from beginning to end and fresh, lyrical imagery/language that appeals to today's modern, youthful Pop audiences. These are some of the key factors they're looking for here and areas that I feel your material differs from the needs expressed.
I hope this feedback is helpful to you. Thanks, again, for sharing your work with us and best of luck to you!
Solid production, nice musicianship and expressive vocals. Style isn't similar to the requests of this listing and lacks a current, competitive sound. Structure is a bit hard to follow and could have a more cohesive quality. Melody/lyric could have a more compelling, memorable quality. .

The screener said it all perfectly. Not sure what else to say. You got solid feedback as to why this wasn't a forward. Although I'm not all that familiar with the reference artists, I certainly don't hear the big killer hook they asked for and found the structure hard to follow and lacking in flow.

Another thing is this was for the head of A&R at a major label, making it an ultra high bar listing. I always advise members to be cognizant of the "bar" when they submit.

Casey

[tagast]

I can buy the hook being a little under the bar. It's catchy but cheesy.

Where I don't get it is, this listing was for a song, so if they aren't into the percussion or something like that, they can change it. And as for the structure... it doesn't get any simpler... verse chorus verse chorus bridge chorus... did I miss something?

[mikeymike2000]

Hey man,

This is a really good song and really well produced. (I listened to it 4 times) However, even though I don't know the reference artists I would not have forwarded this either.

I agree with Andy, the sound you have in the beginning should stay for the entire song. (Although it does sound like another song I have heard but can't remember the name. Both the sound and the exact notes that are playing). Still it is cool. I can hear this being played at a club or find a home in a production.

This listing was basically asking for a multi-million dollar song to take a young emerging artist to the top of the pop charts. So your competition is really really fierce. I think sometimes, generally speaking, myself included, we forget this cause Taxi is so accessible to us and to some extent, so personal that it is easy to forget that for these kinds of listings you will be going up against the top composers in the world. (Some of which talk at the Road Rally).

I think it is a great song, but I don't think it is a #1 hit single song. That said, you have a great pop song for other opportunities!

It always sucks to get a return. Good news is you have some powerful production chops. Keep at it and let this be a learning experience as opposed to a derailing one.

Another way to look at it is that you didn't make the USA Olympic team for music composition in the teen-pop category. (This time)

Does not mean you can't kick ass in other major leagues.

Look forward to seeing you in peer-to-peer in the future.

Edit: PS they are not going to want to hear something they have to mess around with they want to hear something that is ready to go. I make that mistake with other composers who known me very well and can't understand why they can't read my mind sometimes. If nothing else please take this to heart: when pitching a song to anyone for anything, don't make them guess and don't give them something to work with, give them a finished product.

[songmaster]

I hope this doesn't sound cruel, because I myself have felt the slings and arrows of outrageous screeners.........but...on your taxi page I could only find the song entitled.." This Hear was made 4 you." I know it doesn't seem important to spell the title correctly, but subconsciously, it makes the screener have second thoughts. Maybe I'm paranoid, but it can't hurt.

Also, the production was great but I found the chorus to be a little too tame for the younger crowd. I think they would prefer " this bed was made for you ".

Considering that I myself have had very little luck with these major label acts. I think that you must realize that when the bar is that high...there's another bar where you can get high!! But that's just me.

I think that you have a great song to pitch to film and tv.

All the best

Tom

[Gus]

I think the OP makes perfect sense.

Whether the song or production is good or a hit is completely subjective.

But to say it's off target makes no sense at all.

I played this track for some teens and told them it was Selena Gomez's new song. They all believed me and they all liked the song.

[simonparker]

I don't think you're far off here Trevor. I think there's a few things to think about musically. The lyrics work for the teen genre in my opinion.

If this were a track I was asked to "rework" for a teen genre pitch (although no one would ask me, but if they did)... I'd consider making changes/rework on the following:

1) The intro. A slight confusing in the beginning, then you hit into what sounds more like the Kelly Clarkson "Since You've been gone" riff a little later. That's where I'd start the intro. The riff is fine, but I'd consider perhaps using a different sound - perhaps like a string intro like Carly Rae did in "call me maybe" or Demi Lovato's "Give my heart a break".

2) The lead into the chorus. It feels as if you lose momentum going into the chorus. I would work to LIFT the song into the chorus. Again, listen to Carly Rae - how she adds harmony vocals as a double right before the chorus to give it a little contrast, and then the last line - Where you think you're going baby? Very cliche but at least she brings the moment into the chorus when she hits the last note on "Baby". I'd like to see this sort of production in teen songs.

3) The chorus melody itself. I feel this could be stronger. The lyric rhyme and payoff is great. The problem isn't that, it's the chorus doesn't feel strong enough with not enough "jumping" vocally. Call Me Maybe doesn't really have it, but the contrast works with the string section in the chorus and the funny/silly girly lines of hey i just met you...and this is craaazy...call me maybe. I don't think you have that affect with your lyric line, you'd have to go more for the Give My Heart A Break style that Demi nails in the song. She sings with emotion and lift with "don't wanna break your heart, wanna give your heart a break". I would listen to how she gets to that line in the chorus, and try to work your chorus similarly with the added emotion and vocal jumping to make it more catchy.

Again, not much work here, just a little different approach needed with listening to how others made it work and trying to incorporate such into your productions, while keeping it truly your productions. Good luck!