Rock Staff Writers Needed!

[matto]

Dan, I really like the idea..."if you're gonna burn it, then burn it to the ground". I think that's a really good hook.I wish you'd explore that imagery and the (possible) meaning(s) of it more instead of getting off track and away from the burning idea to kicking, bruises, torture and slavery... In other words, I think you're not fully exploring your hook idea and doing it justice. Thus, by the time you get back to the last line "so burn it to the ground" I'm kinda..."oh yeah...right, it was about burning...uhmm, what's "it" again?" You have the right idea by bringing that hook back in the last line, it's just not an elegant or logical wrap-up.I think the melody is pretty strong, but not outstanding. It's a bit on the generic side; while I liked the ascending lines 3 and 4, I thought 3 followed to closely on the heels of "ground", which didn't allow the "burn it to the ground" line to fully resonate. To me that's your "power" line and it needs to be allowed to make it's full impact.HTH,matto

[daniel481]

Thanks. I didn't want to overdue the "Burn it" idea too much in the chorus because it's also explored heavily in the verses Stay tuned for those soon...Thanks for the other tips though, I'll definitely keep those in mind!

[gendron]

Daniel,I agree with matto about the chorus subject veering off before the hook is established, so this might be the perfect situation for a shorter chorus 1 and a longer chorus 2. Sorry I went a bit heavy on the lyric edit (way off the melody) but you get the idea. Cool hook BTW.C1If you're gonna burn itThen burn it to the groundI don't want remindersReigniting any firesSo if we're going downLet's burn it to the groundC2If you're gonna burn itThen burn it to the groundI don't want remindersReigniting any fireswe can't erase the future once it's foundI've been tortured and desiredBeaten, bruised and tiredSo if we're going down Let's burn it to the groundAll the best,Silence

[daniel481]

Thanks JV and Silence, I'll keep that stuff in mind! Kinda blew my voice out the other day, so I'll be finishing vocals and mixing this week. Then I'll post them up and hopefully hear what you guys think!

[daniel481]

Alright, here's my first finished full song, "Burn it to the Ground". I like it...what do you guys think?"Burn it to the Ground"http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... am=trueGot everything packedI’m ready to leaveForced to evacuate this placeWon’t ever come backYou’re ruining meAnd here’s the last thing that I’ll sayIf you’re gonna burn itThen burn it to the groundI don’t want any remindersThe flames from this fireLet ‘em erase what we once foundAnd I’ve felt your tortureLet you bruise me, kick me downA slave you desiredI’m beaten and tiredSo burn it to the groundThough I’m not lookin’ backI’m feelin the heatIt’s from our blazing historyMy heart is attackedBut I have to believeYour little match will set me freeAnd as I think about our wreckageAs it burns I’m tryinTo understand that losing everythingIs worth not dyinThanks, I really appreciate it! Now I just have to finish the other two... Dan

[ciskokidd]

Hey Dan,First let me say that you have a really good song here with a monstrous hook (monstrous = killer )!!The problem I see is that you have the makings of a GREAT song here. The concept is fantastic, but you still have work to do to kick it onto the next level. Normally if I listen and think "okay, that's as good as that one's gonna get", I'll just give my kudos and move on. But, when I see what could be so much more, I feel the need to at least make my opinion known.Good things:1. Very strong melodies in the verses and chorus2. Very good concept3. Great hook especially lyrically4. Strong musical track - matches the intensity you need for this lyricAreas that need work:1. Chorus lyrics lack prosody after the hook - hard to sing along2. Bridge: both melody and lyric bring the song down - you have such great energy going into that section and then the air gets let out. Nobody says "worth not dyin".3. Last three lines of the second verse are weak - like you settled for something that worked instead of finding the killer lines to go screaming back into that chorus. Compare those to the first verse and you will see what I mean.4. What Matt said about the chours lyric - the whole torture angle gets away from the concept.This by no means is me saying your song is not good, and for film and TV it is more than strong enough to get past the bar and most likely get placements.If I'm pushing hard, it's only because you are really onto something with this one. If you're gonna compete with the big boys like this listing implies you gotta step your game up.All the best,Cisco

[daniel481]

Thanks cisco, I appreciate you taking the time to leave all those suggestions! I made some changes keeping those things in mind (and changing some things based on my own feelings), and I just re-posted a new version. Either right up above or right here, it's digitizing right now....http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... m=trueHere are the revised lyrics, just a couple of minor, but key, differences:Got everything packedi’m ready to leaveForced to evacuate this placeWon’t ever come backYou’re ruining meAnd here’s the last thing that I’ll sayIf you’re gonna burn itThen burn it to the groundI don’t want any remindersThe flames from this fireLet ‘em erase what we once foundAnd I’ve felt your tortureLet you bruise me, kick me downThis blaze you desiredI’m beaten and tiredSo burn it to the groundThough I’m not lookin’ backI’m feelin the heatIt’s from our blazing historyMy heart is attackedBut I have to believeYour little match will set me freeAnd as I think about our wreckageAs it burns I’m tryinTo understand that losing everythingIs worth survivin’Thanks!Dan

[Casey H]

To: DanielFrom: Big A&R GuyI was getting ready to offer you the staff writer deal and needed to hear just one more song from you. Unfortunately you posted a bad link. Sorry, I'll have to move on to the next candidate. I wish you luck in your future endeavors. Sincerely,Mr. Big

[daniel481]

NOOOOOO!!!! Haha, it actually wasn't me! The site is just taking forever to digitize stuff today.Please check back soon Mr. Big A&R guy! Or don't, if you don't care about hearing your next HUGE hit.

[Casey H]

Quote:NOOOOOO!!!! Haha, it actually wasn't me! The site is just taking forever to digitize stuff today.Please check back soon Mr. Big A&R guy! Or don't, if you don't care about hearing your next HUGE hit. To: DanielFrom: Big A&R GuyI gave you another shot but the link still does not work. (An angry face from Mr. Big is NOT a good thing). Although we are impressed with your qualifications, we have stronger candidates and we will not be able to offer you a position at this time. Once again, I wish you success in your future endeavors.SincerelyMr. Big