Seeking Evaluation

[asteenhoven]

Hi all! I tried this the other day, but my post never showed up so I am giving it another try. I recently joined Taxi and I am looking for some critiques on my song "This Is My Time." You can hear it at www.taxi.com/aaronsteenhoven
Thanks!

THIS IS MY TIME
By
Aaron Steenhoven

V1 Go ahead…. Show up at her door
It won’t change her heart… oh no
Go ahead…. Try to make your move
And win her back again… back again
Go ahead… Imagine that she never left you all alone
Go ahead… Do what you’ve gotta do
Then get on out of here
Cause it aint like before

Ch Cause I’ll be everything, everything
That she’ll ever need
And don’t you know
You’ll be just a fading memory
Now I’ve been polite
But grab your coat and say goodbye
Cause I’d hate to make a grown man cry
But this is my time
This is my time

V2 Go ahead… let him speak his peace
Cause it don’t matter much… oh no
Go ahead… listen to him beg
To have you back again… back again
Go ahead… tell him that you’re sorry
You don’t feel the same
Go ahead.. do what you’ve gotta do
Then kick him out of here
Cause it aint like before

Chorus 2:
Cause I am everything, everything
That you’ll ever need
And you know he is just a fading memory
Now you’ve been polite
But wrap it up, and say goodbye
Cause I’d hate to make a grown man cry
But this is my time, this is my time
MUSICAL INTERLUDE
REPEAT CHORUS 1

[ekedstrom]

Aaron,

I enjoyed this song. Here are my opinions.

The lyrics were pretty easy to follow, nothing confused me. The first verse is the singer telling another guy to go ahead and try to win back his girl, who is now the singer's girlfriend. The singer is totally confident that it's a waste of time. But he's says, go ahead try to win her back, then get lost because this is my time. Great placement of the title in the chorus.

The second verse is the singer talking to the girl saying, go ahead and talk to your old boyfriend, then kick him out. The chorus is sung to the girl this time. It works fine.
The final chorus makes me imagine the singer and his girl looking the poor sap at the door, while the singer says get lost, because this is his time.

All that works fine for me. If you're pitching this country, you'll likely get feedback wanting more specific imagery. But since the whole song is a conversation, maybe it's okay this way. This could easily be a rock song with big guitars.

Your song has an interesting concept. One many guys can identify with (from both sides of the door). In fact, I think this singer is much more patient with the old boyfriend than a lot of guys would be!

I like the repeated use of the the phrase "go ahead." It's got a very conversation quality to it, and it's a cool hook.

I wish that the chorus was more distinct from the verses. Both seems to start on the one chord. That robs some of the impact of the emotion in the chorus. Also, I wanted the chorus melody to start higher, or go to new melodic places. Maybe consider doing more frequent chord changes than in the verse and playing with the phrasing to make it really stand out from the verse.

Hope my opinions were of value to you. Best luck!

[oakman]

Aaron,

You've got a nice voice and you're putting a lot of emotion into the performance and it works for me. I say that's a very big plus.

I agree with Eric on the assessment of the lyrics. If you're willing to do some re-writing it probably wouldn't hurt to get some more imagery in there.

I also agree with Eric on the wish for a more distinct chorus. And you're probably going to need a bridge. The need for a bridge isn't always a sure thing. We've heard at least one of Michael's guests on Taxi TV say that it may not be needed for film and TV, but I think with a song like this you would be better off with a bridge. I almost always force myself to write a bridge and in fact look forward to the challenge.

Regarding the production, I don't find the guitar track to be very attractive. Nothing to do with your performance but I think it would sound so much better on acoustic. Or just a different sound.

Sounds like you're using a dynamic mic for your vocals. I just bought a Gauge ECM-87 and it sure brought my vocals to a new level. You've got a great voice and I think a condenser mic would really bring out some of the subtle stuff in your voice.

Well hopefully I've been helpful. You're obviously a talented writer and musician. Keep on going and believing in yourself.

Thanks for posting this excellent song!

Mark

[asteenhoven]

Thanks for the feedback(and the kind words) Eric and Mark. I'm new here, so its nice to interact with some other people. I'm also getting ready to go into a demo studio in Nashville to record this song, and 3 others, so I've been seeking lots of feedback on the songs. Just want to make sure that they are up to par before I get a professional demo "locked" into recorded format.

Eric-It was good to hear you say that you had no problems understanding the overall concept. I had one A&R critique come back, and tell me that they got confused when listening to the verses. They said they couldn't tell what people were involved, and also that the song would have to be written from a female perspective to have commercial appeal(I didn't see that at all). I always felt like the song was definitely outside the typical country box, but that the "story" was easy to understand. I also have played it for a lot of people, none of whom ever had an issue with the concept. Thanks for the reinforcement:)

Mark- The recording you listened to definitely needs work. I recorded it on a Zoom R24 Multitrack Recorder/Interface, and did very little editing in regards to EQ, pan, etc.... And I did use a dynamic microphone(good ear!). I am building up my home studio set up slowly, and haven't added a reliable condenser mic yet. That is at the top of the list though! I used a Shure SM57 for this recording. I'm excited to hear what this song(and my others) will sound like after being professionally recorded, mixed, and mastered.

I will sit down with this song, and try to find ways to take the "emotion" a bit further on the chorus. I had also been thinking of writing a "bridge", so I'll try that as well.

Thanks again for the help!

Aaron

[oakman]

Aaron,

Can I ask what studio you're planning to use for your demos?

Mark

[asteenhoven]

Sure. I am using Nashville Demo Studio. I have read good things about them on this board and they were running a great special last week for 1 day (b1g1). Thought that was a pretty good deal considering their quality.

[oakman]

I was in Nashville at another studio earlier this year, I won't mention the name, but hindsight being 20/20 I wish I had been at NDS. Well good luck Aaron. I'm sure you'll have a great experience.

Mark

[sedge]

Hi Aaron, sounds like your in for some fun in the studio! Nice tune, great to hear it so simple, brave on you and great entrance to the forum! Good stuff, good voice, welcome


Crits, Odd time it sounded like you were drawing out the last words in lines more than needed?

I find that happens when I'm monitoring louder than my audible in the real, makes me judge myself as I sing along and also draw out some words that don't need to be as I'm trying to hear what I sound like instead of just enjoying to sing the song,
have to force myself to not monitor as loud during the take! Might be that here a tiny bit?


Sedge

[asteenhoven]

Thanks Mark! I am definitely looking forward to it.

Thanks for the welcome Sedge! It's possible that I was doing exactly what you said on the recording. Still working out my recording space,etc...