Singer/Songwriter submission due 4/8....

[geo]

... but these aren't them . Quick mixes I did after the recording session last night... though The Letter sounds pretty nice. Due today, plan on remixing tonight... Just saw the listing on Friday so took it as a "Dispatch Challenge" one of my goals this year along with Broadcast quality mixes. The songs are two versions of the same song and (I'm submitting both) and rewrites of a tune I post here recently, of course all comments welcome...thanks for stopping by... GeoSINGER/SONGWRITER-POP SONGS (Male or Female) are wanted by a well-established Music Supervisor for a cable network TV series. This show tackles the issues and experiences that the families of soldiers might face. Lyrically, the possibilities are broad but you may want to focus on material that talks about long-distance relationships/heartbreak/"missing you"/life vs. death/etc. to stay along the lines of the show concept. They are looking for all tempos, but would like a more "pop" sound sonically. They are definitely open to both male and female vocals for this one. This is a broadcast quality listing, so be sure the recording sounds excellent! Please submit 2-3 songs online or per CD, include lyrics. If you already submitted to D080303SS, you may want to submit different material for this listing. All submissions will be screened on a YES/NO BASIS -- NO CRITIQUES FROM TAXI -- and must be received no later than April 8, 2008.http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... am=trueThe Letter (Our Perfect Place)Lyrics and music by George Danielscopyright 2007Verse 1:Dear sweetheart,Time to write the letter today,I’ll be leaving it with the Chaplain,There’s so much to say.Please, don’t you worry, don’t you cry,I told you God loves The Corp he’ll never let me die. But as you read this, wipe the tears from your face,And hold on tight to our perfect place,That perfect place. Verse 2:Oh and sweetheart,Please give your Mom my love,And tell your Old Man I said thank you,For treating me like a son.I know we always planned to start a life of our own,And have a perfect place, we could call our home,Now I’m gone, I can’t tell you honey what you should do,But please know that I’ll always be waiting for you,In our perfect place.Break:Got long lines for the chow, long days on patrol,Long nights on sentry, long time no furlough.Long moments of terror, long moments of boredom,A long time in country and brother, I’m ready for home. Verse 3:Nights are long, dark and cold,The days blazing hot, they tear at my soul, Sweetheart I wrote you this letter, just in case,I can’t make it back to our perfect place.So please, don’t you worry, don’t you cry,I told you God loves The Corp he’ll never let me die. But as you read this, wipe the tears from your face,And hold on tight to our perfect place,That perfect place. http://www.taximusic.com/song.php?song_ ... am=trueOur Perfect PlaceLyrics and music by George Danielscopyright 2007Verse 1:Dear sweetheart,Time to write the letter today,I’ll be leaving it with the Chaplain,There’s so much to say.Please, don’t you worry, don’t you cry,I told you God loves The Corp he’ll never let me die. But as you read this, wipe the tears from your face,And hold on tight to our perfect place. Chorus:Nights are long, dark and cold,The days blazing hot, they tear at my soul, And I wrote you this letter, just in case,In case I can’t make it back to our perfect place.Our perfect place.Verse 2:Oh and sweetheart,Please give your Mom my love,And tell your Old Man I said thank you,For treating me like a son.I know we always planned to start a life of our own,And have a perfect place, that we could call our home,Now I’m gone, I can’t tell you honey what you should do,But please know that I’ll always be waiting for you.Chorus:Nights are long, dark and cold,The days blazing hot, they tear at my soul, And I wrote you this letter, just in case,In case I can’t make it back to our perfect place.Our perfect place.Break:Got long lines for the chow, long days on patrol,Long nights on sentry, long time no furlough.Long moments of terror, with stretches of boredom,A long time in country and brother, I’m ready for home.Verse 3:Hello sweetheart,Buried the letter not me today,Yeah I’m calling from the airport,Soon I’ll be on my way.See I told you not to worry, told you not to cry,Oh yeah I’m coming home and I can tell you why,Why I made it through all the hell that I faced,I just held on to our perfect place.Chorus:Nights are long, dark and cold,The days blazing hot, they tear at my soul, And I wrote you this letter, just in case,In case I can’t make it back to our perfect place.But I’m coming home, so please don’t cry,I told you God loves The Corp he’ll never let me die. Sweetheart I wrote you this letter, just in case,But now I’m coming back to our perfect place,Our Perfect Place.

[solrax]

Not sure what kind of comments/opinions you are looking for, but IMHO I enjoyed the second version a lot better than the first one. Again, IMHO the music for the second version seems to fit the lyrics better. After reading the lyrics, it seems to me that if I were put in that situation, I would feel the music from the second version, as my way to deal with what I was going through.

[geo]

That works... thanks for stopping by...The mixes have been updated.... Geo

[momof4]

hey - i'll keep it short - i could say more, but here's what i'm thining: Where is "that perfect place"? the song mentions it in the chorus and title, but you haven't really painted a picture of what that perfect place is. it would be a lot stronger song if you did. i like your 2nd version better, but if i were you, i'd change the chorus to talking about the perfect place and what it's like, and maybe set it up better in the verses like "it's rough here, but then i remember..." and go into the chorus, where you explain the perfect place. does that make sense? like, morph your "break" (2nd version) into your verses. if you don't do that and want the storyline to be more about the letter he writes and then trashes, then retitle this one and revise it, and then write another song about "the perfect place"...see? two songs are kind of fighting within your lyric, fighting to get our attention. you have potential to make two songs out of one, IMHO. i DO like the 3rd verse, where he gets to bury the letter! finally...a happy ending to a war song!

[feaker]

Hi Geo. Sorry I am not very good at disecting your song. The story is great, you are very good with lyrics. I really like the chorus. I don't have any problem understanding where the perfect place is? I like it. I don't know why the chorus is more catchy than the verses? I have played it several times and it does grow on you. I wish I would have seen this listing, I think it might have one that would have qualified. In fact I have identical lyrics in one spot. "A million thoughts that I could send, so much to say". Too funny. Anxious to see the rest of the replies. Take carePaul

[ibanez468]

Geo,I like both of 'em. But I'd have to agree with solax & moms, I like the 2nd version better. I'm a sucker for upbeat tunes, what can I say. I just like the feel/tone of that one overall. It's got a nice edginess to it. There's alot of energy goin' on there. I'm addicted to energy, I guess. I rarely write slow tunes, but that's just me. The sax is really wailin' back there in the background, I likes how ya' tucked it in like that. Real nice job with this one dude! No good with lyrics, but I kinda' get what moms is sayin'. I think you do have 2 subject matters workin' within the song. I entered a songwriting contest once where I submitted lyrics along with some music, and the critique mentioned that same type of situation to me. He mentioned that I either develop one theme or the other. But he gave me a 10 just because the lyrics fit the music. Just my .02. Really good job though. I've listened to it several times now!I-468

[linziellen]

Hey Geo,I'm listening now 00:30 excellent! I'm very impressed. I like both versions but I'd say the second has a definite "finished" air about it. I think you've made a good job of the lyrics because it's always going to be a difficult subject to tackle...I see what the others mean but still think these lyrics work and the music paints them modern. Most of us have an idea of "That Perfect Place" Anyway, all the best of luck with this, sounds like a perfect fit for the listing.

[geo]

The mixes have been updated for the final time..... maybe...I actually thought this might be a quick critique since it already went through Dispatch... stayed up all night Tuesday mixing... polished them up this morning... considering I'm playing everything except the sax (and singing) I happy with results....Thanks for the comments momo4... the lyrics on this song have been tough... trying to get the story across to people who aren't familar with it (the last letter home the troops write... just in case) the first screener was "confused" ! The song is written for a friend who didn't come home but made the decision he wouldn't want his song to bum out fellow vets hence the aforementioned happy ending.Feaker... thanks for the listen... I'd like to hear your song sometime...I-468 of course after I post a version with the sax up in mix... I read you like it in the back ... so I moved it back a bit... I bought it up for the melody... all chords on the guitar... needed the solo elements... congrats again BTW!!Thanks Linds.... it's unaminous everyone likes the original better!!! Cool... as said I would submit both... hopefully they like em both....Fingers crossed.... Geo

[cyndy]

Hey Geo,Number 2 gets my vote!! No problem at all understanding exactly what you're relating in the words. Nice thing is... that "secret place" can fit lots of interpretations. You've done an incredible job. For a listing like this, surely your screener will be someone who appreciates our military's sacrifices for freedom's sake and your wonderful touching of that subject... otherwise you could get a return based on personal bias.Naaaaahhhh !!!!!! Never happen!!!