some lyrics- any critiques or ideas?

[twentycentshift]

i am new here, so please let me know if this is not the right way or place to post lyrics. but in the meanwhile-- One More Day Without Youby twentycentshiftThe longest weekend's got me fried.The longest holiday feels like suicide.Will you ever take me in?When can I come home again?California's got me feeling freeBut New York City's calling me.I can't see staying awayBut if you want me to, I'll stay.And now the night's dark sky cries rain.In an hour or so, it'll be day again.One more yesterday without you.The longest weekend just won't do.One more day,One more day without you.